So long, farewell...

Today is my last day in NC. Well, assuming the hurricane doesn't wreck my flight plans. I think it'll probably all work out fine. Any ideas for what I should do on my last day? I thought of getting souvenirs from North Carolina as if I've lived here for months and I need to show off to people what it's like to have been where I've been. But I don't really know what souvenir represents my experience here. Should I bring home a jar of mist and say it's the humidity? Have some? Also, when you're in a place like this I don't know where you find shops for souvenirs. Maybe I should just go to the Bass Pro Shop. I've passed it a couple times in my travels and it looks HUGE from the outside. In fact I think there's something about "world" in the sign. Like "Bass Pro Shop Outdoor World" or something. Anyway the sheer size makes me think maybe it's indicative of what life is like out here; lots of outdoorsy stuff - hunting, fishing, buying nifty camping gear. Actually as I'm thinking about it maybe I really WILL go over there today. Except I bet the place is full of dead animals. Nevermind, I probably won't go over there.

Today is my last day of going on set. So far my set experience has been good. Except it was a little embarrassing last night when I was leaving and talking to my dad I was mentioning how (judging on the scene I had just been watching) it was a good thing they had such good actors because it's a lot more likely this movie is actually going to be good. Only to have my dad turn around and say hello to Woody Harrelson who had been walking right behind us. He said he didn't hear me though so I think I'm in the clear. ....Then again he's an actor so maybe he was faking the whole "I don't eavesdrop" thing.

And first on the agenda today (well third - behind breakfast and showering) will be packing (more like re-packing) my suitcase. It's big enough it does look like I've been here for a month. But no, it's just been a matter of days. Or weeks. Whatever. I hate re-packing. And I hate unpacking. But packing for the first time - like when you're getting ready to go somewhere - doesn't bother me. Re-packing to go home is like work. You have to take everything out, re-fold stuff, figure out how to separate the dirty clothes from tainting the clean ones, fit in souvenirs, etc. What a pain!

Oh well, I still say the trip was worth any re-packing that has to be done. I'll be sad to leave my dad behind but I don't feel too bad for him - just a couple more weeks and then he's done and gets to go to the BYU game in Texas with the rest of the men in the family (there aren't that many of them but it's still a minor miracle that they're all in on this trip). All in all, you've been hot and humid, but good to me North Carolina. Maybe I'll see you again around Thanksgiving.

U.S. National Whitewater Center

As I mentioned before, we went on a few athletic adventures while in NC. The first of which was to go whitewater rafting. I had to sit that one out since my hands and feet were still so sensitive to cold that being in the water would make them feel like they were being stabbed. I don't know for certain, but I'm fairly positive that would make for an unpleasant rafting trip. Dropped oars, grimace faces, howling in pain - that sort of thing. Maybe even screams of "don't let it touch me! don't let it touch me!!" I can only imagine the carnage. Anyway I decided to be the photographer. I only have a point and shoot camera so I do what I can but I make no promises.

So far so good....

You may not be able to tell but that's the family raft there in that rapid. That's right before mom and Delaney were ousted. And Bryn was practically a goner though she was saved by her brother after (according to sources in the boat) a look of "is anyone going to stop this from happening?!"

And here we see that the raft didn't quite make it after a different rapid. Everybody out! Floating down in front we have most members of my family. To the right we have a perfectly fine raft laughing at our family's misfortune.

We also took on some rock climbing. Of course I sat this one out too but not because my hands or feet are sensitive. Mostly because I have no muscles and would not be able to pull my body up any sort of wall. Even a ladder is sketchy. Lets not get into walls that jut out parallel to the ground. No thank you.

The boys navigating the hard wall

We also indulged in a little zip lining. I took part in this activity. After all, sitting in a sling and zipping over rafters and other bits of nature is just up my alley.

Looking good pre-helmets.

You may be asking "why did she put on a baby's helmet?" She didn't. That's a regular adult helmet. Her head is just that big.

I guess it's just a family thing: large heads that make our helmets look ridiculous. Not so for the in-laws: their helmets actually fit over the portion of their head they're supposed to. Nice job in-laws. Give those grandkids a fighting chance.

There was also some more calm still water kayaking. Again, hands and feet kept me lounging in the sun by the dock.

Sure they all look like friends now but you'd better believe there was a mud war.

Sometimes an oar just doesn't do the trick and you want to paddle with your hands for maximum efficiency. ...I mean, that's probably what Hannah's doing here.....

Done for the day.

Bowling

My technique is lacking

A number of my friends participated in a bowling league this summer. I refrained, not because I'm above bowling (I'm probably below it), but because the league started fairly soon after my last surgery and I wasn't allowed to lift anything over 5lbs. And the lightest bowling ball was 6lbs. "What's 1lb?" you say? Well when you're running up and heaving it down a lane I think the velocity of the ball and stuff makes it heavier. At least that's the story I'm going with.

Anyway I thought that perhaps as the weeks went by I could be a substitute on any one of the three bowling teams should someone be absent and should the team be looking for an average-ability level bowler. Thankfully none of them were. Because as I learned yesterday bowling here in North Carolina with the fam, I am not an average ability level bowler. I am far below average.

We went to a bowling alley that time forgot. It looked straight out of 1969 and smelled like your grandma's house if your grandma still lives in the house she raised all her kids in. There was nothing flashy about the place (well, except for orange the carpeted walls), and all scoring had to be done by hand. On paper. With a pencil. That had no eraser.

They did have projectors, like perhaps at one time - in their hey-day (is it "hay day?") - they had transparencies that you could keep score on and then project the scores up on the wall above the lanes in some modern new-fangled way to be hip. But they put that time behind them and went back to good ol' fashioned paper and pencil.

I'd like to think that perhaps my bowling failure could be chalked up to my brother's poor score keeping skills. But between the fact that he's an accountant and my score only changed by one or two pins every time I rolled the ball, I'm pretty sure his math was solid. It was my bowling that wasn't solid.

We bowled two games and in the second game by the time I had bowled five frames my score was 18. Five frames. Half of a game. And I wasn't even to 20. And I wasn't trying to be funny either and bowl all crazy like "whatever guys - I don't care, I don't bowl for reals, I only bowl to try different amusing techniques!" That was just how bad I was at bowling.

So good thing I never subbed on anyone's bowling team this summer. Because when you're lucky to break 80, no one wants you on their team. ...But on the plus side people do like bowling with you because no matter how they did, at least they did better than you. (Except if you're Delaney - heh heh heh).

North Carolina

I've been out here with the fam for a little under a week now. And you'll be happy to know that I made it the whole plane ride over without throwing up! It was a miracle! In fact I didn't throw up at all until the other day when we had lunch on the set and I ate too much chicken and just couldn't keep it all down. Throwing up in a giant room with a bunch of people you don't know is never ideal but I made the most of it (I think) and managed to wait until my mom ran and grabbed me a trash can before I really let loose. And, in my defense, I turned my back to the masses. Still, I feel bad for the people walking back to work watching me retch. Because they were probably thinking "I just ate that too. Sickening."

ANYWAY. Besides that snafu, I've managed to be more or less fine on this trip! The nausea is under control, I rest as often as possible, and I only once felt like I avoided a serious fainting head dive into the putting green we were playing on. In other words: one narrowly avoided fainting spell (everything went black and I lurched for a bench but I made it and staved off conking out completely) and one puking incident and I am rolling along like a champ. Sometimes though I forget that just because I don't want to throw up doesn't mean the other side effects aren't in full force. I have to try to take it easy which isn't easy when you just want to be on vacation and play. But the good news is even in my "easy" state I'm having fun.

We've done all kinds of things on our trip: raced go-karts, played lazer tag, went to the movies, watched a double header minor league baseball game (and ordered fried pickles), went whitewater rafting, rock climbing, kayaking, ziplining and some of us even did a "mega jump" (i.e. a controlled free fall from however many stories up). We've also played some billiards and used the putting green at the hotel, and of course we daily go over to the set for free lunch/dinner and to watch them shoot a little of whatever scene they're on. So yes. North Carolina has been great. And I'm glad to be here!

Before I fall back asleep

I would just like to say that the Emend team of champions is working! I do not have the urgent need to throw up all of my insides! It is wonderful. And gives me a lot of hope for my upcoming travels (since they start tomorrow). Hooray!

On the flip side, the Ativan/Baclophan team is also doing it's job if it's job is to knock me out 23 of the 24 hours of the day. I don't mind it - sleepy time is not puking time - but it's a very odd sensation to feel like your body's all heavy and you shuffle around bumping into walls and stuff for balance. Even right now I woke up and realized someone had braided half of my head. I don't know when that happened. But I'll take it.

When I'm out I'm OUT. Last night I tried to watch Secretariate (sp?) with my mom and grandma but couldn't even stay awake through the exciting race parts. My mom would slap my foot and say "they're about to race!" and I would lurch awake and blink rapidly trying to keep my eyes open but....those races are long. Like a mile or something. I didn't fare so well.

The important thing is that when I'm awake I feel alright. Not good. Not illness free. But okay. And "okay" is waaaay better than last time! So thanks for all the prayers everyone - they are working!!!

Drug Wars

Today was my third round of chemo. I'm pretty sure there are some major battles going on in my body. And I'm just sort of chilling on the outskirts waiting to see who wins what battles. First of all my poor little white blood cells have lost numbers so they're doing what they can but most of them have succumbed to the slaughter. I asked the nurse today if there was anything I could do to boost their moral (and numbers) and she said she heard mushrooms help but she was skeptical because she couldn't see how ingesting a fungus would help fungal-fighting cells to bounce back.

Anyway so the red blood cells have taken a hit in numbers too. But to make up for it the ones that are left are all a little fat. That's not a joke. I'm low on most things, but the width of my white blood cells is high. I KNEW I had Samoan in my blood.

So my immune system is battling against the Oxaliplatin and Xeloda - the two chemo drugs who are fighting against any cancer cells remaining in my body. Everyone's on the same side but...it's like we have some intra-rivalries going on: the enlisted soldiers don't like the calvary or something like that. (I don't know enough about the military to make coherent analogies. But I know if I had to walk around and there were guys that got to ride horses I'd probably not like those guys. Even if they were on my side.)

The Oxaliplatin and Xeloda are my offensive team (moving to sports analogies?). They're a little brutal but all about getting their job done. The problem is the leave a wake of terror behind them. So, to clean up their mess I have a defensive lets-keep-you-functional-or-at-least-close-enough-that-you-can-fake-functional team. This team is comprised of Emend, Zofran, Compazine, Ativan and Baclophen (sp?). So many drugs. Coursing through my (apparently semi-empty) veins.

I'll tell you what. Team defense is doing a great job today. I don't feel nauseated! Which is a VAST improvement over this time last round where I had already puked up everything I'd eaten. Unfortunately team offense is not JUST about trying to get me to throw up; it messes with my muscles and sensitivity to cold and ability to feel my brain connected to my body (don't worry - I'm not allowed to drive or operate heavy machinery in my current state). I'm sitting here typing in mittens because my fingers are ever ready to welcome that cold pins and needles feeling that renders them useless. Knife too cold to hold to cut the chicken? Nice try hands. I'll get you some mittens. Keep working.

My muscles spasm all over which is totally fine - if not weird - but the bad part is my hands are all shakey. So trying to feed myself means I get three of the ten peas on my fork into my mouth. And holding cups up to my mouth to drink has the edges rattling around against my teeth. So I guess the point of this trial is to have a bit of empathy for people over 80? No more pointing and laughing when they can't get a forkful of peas in their mouth. Now I've been there too. Fist bump old people. I get you now.

I think maybe the Ativan has kicked in. What am I even talking about? ...And is it alright that everything goes dark when I sit up straight or stand? And the darkness lingers for a bit before clearing up? That's just there to make my life more interesting, right?

Hope tomorrow is as fun as today! (Today I slept for....I don't know - a LOT of the day and it was grand). As long as all my anti-nausea team keeps working I'm going to be a happy camper! With mittens.

The good

Is beginning again! The nausea (at least the worst of it) has passed and now it's just a matter of dealing with crazy exhaustion (oxymoron?). I've laid low and enjoyed it. Of course there are some drawbacks. Like the fact that nothing is on TV in the middle of the day. But it did inspire me to sit down at the piano for a minute and try to remember (because sight reading is apparently not going to happen) how to play. I met marginal success. But really if in the end I can't decide if the reason the song sounds wrong is because I'm hitting the wrong notes or because the piano is out of tune, I'm probably not about to enter any talent competitions. At least not any that I could win. Or even place in.

Right now we're watching "Supernatural" because Hannah's friend gave her all the seasons and I guess we ran out of acceptable things to watch so here we are. So far what I gather is that a lot of people die in this show (extras), the brothers fight all the time but always make up, and demons are burned by holy water. I suppose Hannah gets to pick some of what we watch because she IS an invalid right now but this does seem a little excessive. She's not THAT hurt. It was only extensive surgery.

The last couple of days when food has sounded good again I've really wanted two things: a cold drink (which I can't have yet, so still waiting on that one) and tortellini in alfredo sauce. So tonight I made some alfredo sauce! And, if I do say so myself, it was quite delicious. If that's not a sure sign I'm doing better I don't know what is.