So I emailed my oncologist to tell him I was frequently throwing up - just to make sure that it was normal and not a bad thing. There's a list of things that you're supposed to contact your doctor about if they happen and I was pretty sure not being able to keep anything in me (especially those all important liquids...oh and the drugs) was one of them. So when I asked "is it alright that I'm throwing up daily? I don't have a fever" (their biggest concern I feel), he responded "yah, no, daily vomiting is bad."
Not bad enough that I have to go to the hospital or anything (although I feel like I might like an IV juicing me up with fluids), but just not necessary. So he upped my anti-nausea meds and told me they should help me get through the next few days. And he was right! For about 36 hours. And then I ventured out of my normal fare of late (read: mashed potatoes, apple sauce, water and ensure or protein shakes warmed up to be more like hot chocolate when my mom can force me) and tried to eat a "real" dinner. And it was delicious. Up until it all came back out. Boo!
I think my stomach is just being weak. C'mon stomach - get it together! Motion sickness was bad enough, and now this?! Fickle fickle!
I feel like the next thing on the list (of things my stomach can't handle) will be exotic or adventurous foods. I'm not much of an adventurous eater anyway, but now I bet if I tried something outside my known palate my stomach would reject it. My stomach is determined to make me the most boring person ever: no roller coasters, no leaving bed when you're sick, and next up - no trying interesting foods. Boo stomach!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Ah, nieces and nephews
The past couple of days my niece and nephews have been here. I always love having them around - they crack me up. And thankfully, while I don't think they really get how sick I am, they don't try to jump on me or come wake me up in the morning by poking my eyes or anything. But they do ask why I don't participate more in the family activities. I had this exchange with my 4 year old nephew as he was sitting in the pool yesterday:
Him: I wish you could come swim with us. But you didn't bring your suit did you.
Me: No, I left my suits at my apartment.
Him: Why did you do that?
Me: Because none of them fit me anymore.
Him: Then why do you still have them?
Me: ....Good question....
He also asked me why I'd been in the same bed ALL DAY LONG. And didn't I want to get up already??
But despite the inquiries into why I'm a bump on a log, he DID put on a blanket as a cape and ran around like a superhero doing helpful things for me. He'd race in, ask how he could help, and then grab whatever I was carrying and carry it for me to my final destination (which was basically all the help he COULD give me - I don't do much).
Having those kids around makes me happy.
Now if I can only get my other married siblings to give me more nieces and nephews.... heh heh heh!
Him: I wish you could come swim with us. But you didn't bring your suit did you.
Me: No, I left my suits at my apartment.
Him: Why did you do that?
Me: Because none of them fit me anymore.
Him: Then why do you still have them?
Me: ....Good question....
He also asked me why I'd been in the same bed ALL DAY LONG. And didn't I want to get up already??
But despite the inquiries into why I'm a bump on a log, he DID put on a blanket as a cape and ran around like a superhero doing helpful things for me. He'd race in, ask how he could help, and then grab whatever I was carrying and carry it for me to my final destination (which was basically all the help he COULD give me - I don't do much).
Having those kids around makes me happy.
Now if I can only get my other married siblings to give me more nieces and nephews.... heh heh heh!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Round 2 (ding ding ding ding!)
Okay round one of this stretch of chemo was no fun. I felt super sick which is the one thing I hate feeling the most (although this "most" thing does tend to change with whatever fun side effect I am currently enduring). But this round two puts round one to shame. And it makes me super nervous about how things are going to be come round six. Yikes stripes, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" never felt so apt!
I've spent the last four days mostly laying in bed. Occasional attempts to be normal and walk around, shower, visit with friends, etc. have all been met with puking sessions. So I've decided to accept that I don't get to be normal for the week and embrace my new found ability to throw up at the drop of a hat. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I could throw up at any time - it's really a matter of will power keeping it all down most of the time. And sometimes will power loses out to chemo and up come the little contents of my stomach.
The other side effects - super painful jaw anytime I start chewing, or even just swallowing, tight/lump in my throat making drinking undesirable, pins in my hands and feet painful enough to render them useless if they get just a little bit cold, muscle spasms all over, and intense pain behind my eyes any time I yawn or well up (you'd better believe I'm trying to avoid anything that might make me cry) - are also unpleasant. Uncomfortable. You know. Basically the way it goes when you're undergoing treatment for cancer. Oh, and my voice is all weird. I guess chemo can do that to you (or so said my oncologist)?
But the constant feeling of wanting to puke your guts out? Ugh. The worst.
Thankfully I am under the watchful, and ever loving, eye of my mother and my two youngest sisters and they are doing a superb job of taking care of me. Superb. And Jenn and Ammon massaged my head and feet last night after I threw up so really....best friends and family ever. I am really grateful to be at my parents' house. I wish I didn't have to impose on people like this, but I'm glad that they don't make it feel like an imposition. Thanks family!
I've spent the last four days mostly laying in bed. Occasional attempts to be normal and walk around, shower, visit with friends, etc. have all been met with puking sessions. So I've decided to accept that I don't get to be normal for the week and embrace my new found ability to throw up at the drop of a hat. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I could throw up at any time - it's really a matter of will power keeping it all down most of the time. And sometimes will power loses out to chemo and up come the little contents of my stomach.
The other side effects - super painful jaw anytime I start chewing, or even just swallowing, tight/lump in my throat making drinking undesirable, pins in my hands and feet painful enough to render them useless if they get just a little bit cold, muscle spasms all over, and intense pain behind my eyes any time I yawn or well up (you'd better believe I'm trying to avoid anything that might make me cry) - are also unpleasant. Uncomfortable. You know. Basically the way it goes when you're undergoing treatment for cancer. Oh, and my voice is all weird. I guess chemo can do that to you (or so said my oncologist)?
But the constant feeling of wanting to puke your guts out? Ugh. The worst.
Thankfully I am under the watchful, and ever loving, eye of my mother and my two youngest sisters and they are doing a superb job of taking care of me. Superb. And Jenn and Ammon massaged my head and feet last night after I threw up so really....best friends and family ever. I am really grateful to be at my parents' house. I wish I didn't have to impose on people like this, but I'm glad that they don't make it feel like an imposition. Thanks family!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Exercising?
Unless you count the time I went on a bike ride and kind of wanted to die, I'm pretty sure I haven't exercised in...7 months. Between the surgeries and treatments and whatnot there just weren't many days I felt like doing it. Lately though (i.e. the two months in between the last surgery and the start up of chemo again) I think I've just avoided it because I'm still getting used to the bag. I DO have a nifty little "stealth belt" which is supposed to make the bag secure for sporting endeavors (including water skiing!), but I guess I still don't trust my little bag to stay in place while I'm running around being sporty. So I mostly don't exercise. Once in awhile I'll walk around more than usual (like random pacing?), or do a few fake push-ups (okay that only happened once and I think I only managed 5), but mostly I try to hold as still as possible and not upset the bag. You get burned by ol' baggie a few times and you learn to respect whatever baggie wants.
That said, after the first treatment and feeling pretty crummy, these last few days I've started to feel like my old self again. And my old self used to like to go play volleyball on Wednesday nights. So my newly feeling good self decided to strap on the stealth belt (also supposedly helpful in case you want to "get intimate") and go be like my old self.
It was great to be doing something again, but honestly quite a pathetic showing. Most pathetic of all was realizing that my vertical is now 2". That's not an exaggeration. I could barely get my fingertips over the net when trying to jump as high as possible. Which was awkward when I would get set the ball and would try to jump and hit it and would over-estimate how much time I thought I would be in the air. Never good when you jump, land almost immediately, and then hit the ball.
I didn't even try blocking. Occasionally I'd stick an arm up there like I was something to be afraid of, but I'm pretty sure all the hitters just ignored those little fingers poking over the net and hit the ball wherever they wanted to. One time I actually grazed the ball as it was coming over and excitedly yelled out "TOUCH!" but I'm pretty sure my team was not impressed with my ability to touch the ball and yet have no impact at all on it's trajectory or speed.
Next time, next time.
Also, turns out you use your quads in volleyball. Many of you volleyball players may not have noticed this because you have quad muscles and so it's no big thing to be semi-squatting a lot. But if you're me and you lost all your muscles somewhere between January and now (they abandon you so quickly), trying to call them back to activity - even church level - means you'll end up awfully sore the next day. So. Pathetic. And also, if you're not used to smacking the ball with your hand, or absorbing the hits off of guys, then the next day all you have to do is run your hand over your little radiuses (radii?) and your whole arm will feel like a giant bruise.
I'm totally hard core.
That said, after the first treatment and feeling pretty crummy, these last few days I've started to feel like my old self again. And my old self used to like to go play volleyball on Wednesday nights. So my newly feeling good self decided to strap on the stealth belt (also supposedly helpful in case you want to "get intimate") and go be like my old self.
It was great to be doing something again, but honestly quite a pathetic showing. Most pathetic of all was realizing that my vertical is now 2". That's not an exaggeration. I could barely get my fingertips over the net when trying to jump as high as possible. Which was awkward when I would get set the ball and would try to jump and hit it and would over-estimate how much time I thought I would be in the air. Never good when you jump, land almost immediately, and then hit the ball.
I didn't even try blocking. Occasionally I'd stick an arm up there like I was something to be afraid of, but I'm pretty sure all the hitters just ignored those little fingers poking over the net and hit the ball wherever they wanted to. One time I actually grazed the ball as it was coming over and excitedly yelled out "TOUCH!" but I'm pretty sure my team was not impressed with my ability to touch the ball and yet have no impact at all on it's trajectory or speed.
Next time, next time.
Also, turns out you use your quads in volleyball. Many of you volleyball players may not have noticed this because you have quad muscles and so it's no big thing to be semi-squatting a lot. But if you're me and you lost all your muscles somewhere between January and now (they abandon you so quickly), trying to call them back to activity - even church level - means you'll end up awfully sore the next day. So. Pathetic. And also, if you're not used to smacking the ball with your hand, or absorbing the hits off of guys, then the next day all you have to do is run your hand over your little radiuses (radii?) and your whole arm will feel like a giant bruise.
I'm totally hard core.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I miss limbo
It has begun. The good news is I am currently on the upswing part of the week - so every day I feel a bit better. I mean today I even had an appetite, ate and didn't want to throw up right after! Woo hoo! Win!
So last Thursday was my first infusion (injection? I don't know what it's supposed to be called.) and it was an interesting experience. Sitting in the room with everyone else, all of us with our IVs in, looking around wondering who's sicker than you, appreciating that you're young enough to walk around still...good times. I did sit there for long enough that I had to get up to go to the bathroom at one point so they unplug the IV from the wall (it has a battery so it still works - don't worry) and you take it with you to the bathroom. The last time I had to carry a pole with a bunch of IV bags and whatnot hanging off it was when I was in the hospital and could only shuffle around like I was 80, so this time it was kind of great to be able to jump up (and be wearing real clothes as opposed to the flowy hospital "gown" - more like a sheet with snaps to create an arm hole and strings to tie behind your neck - just what you want to be wearing when you're walking up and down public hallways) and prance over to the restroom no big deal.
The actual infusion experience wasn't so bad. My chair was comfortable, my mom was there to watch Bones on Netflix with me, I didn't feel sick while I was sitting there - all in all not too bad. I met probably the 5th social worker since being diagnosed (they are everywhere and always eager to help you out, which is nice) - I don't know how they always know when you're new to the next phase but they do and they come to talk to you. It's kind of impressive.
A couple hours after the infusion things started getting worse. And by the next day I felt like crap. That lasted for a few days. Juuuust long enough to make me miss out on all the delicious goodies of Independence Day. Yes, I'm still bitter about it. I think I'm always bitter about missing out on holiday food. Holiday food is the best! Though, on the plus side, I am now lighter than what my driver's license says. And that license weight hasn't been true since...I don't even know when. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
But besides missing out on delicious all-American food - including ice cream which I LOVE - (actually I did try to eat the ice cream. It probably wasn't smart. I can't eat cold things so I tried to let it melt - with the help of some hot fudge - but even in it's soupy state it was cold enough to trigger the throat tightening which sucked), the 4th of July was fabulous. We played on the beach, I got to see my niece and nephews (and their parents who I also like), we sang patriotic songs and watched fireworks. What more could you want? There was a sand castle building contest, ultimate frisbee, body boarding, laying out... and like any good cancer patient undergoing chemo would, I spent the entire time on the beach in a t-shirt, jeans, socks AND shoes lounging in the shade of various umbrellas. Yep. I'm the cool kid.
Anyway. Gotta enjoy the next week and a half before the bad part of chemo cycles back around. Happy July everyone!
So last Thursday was my first infusion (injection? I don't know what it's supposed to be called.) and it was an interesting experience. Sitting in the room with everyone else, all of us with our IVs in, looking around wondering who's sicker than you, appreciating that you're young enough to walk around still...good times. I did sit there for long enough that I had to get up to go to the bathroom at one point so they unplug the IV from the wall (it has a battery so it still works - don't worry) and you take it with you to the bathroom. The last time I had to carry a pole with a bunch of IV bags and whatnot hanging off it was when I was in the hospital and could only shuffle around like I was 80, so this time it was kind of great to be able to jump up (and be wearing real clothes as opposed to the flowy hospital "gown" - more like a sheet with snaps to create an arm hole and strings to tie behind your neck - just what you want to be wearing when you're walking up and down public hallways) and prance over to the restroom no big deal.
The actual infusion experience wasn't so bad. My chair was comfortable, my mom was there to watch Bones on Netflix with me, I didn't feel sick while I was sitting there - all in all not too bad. I met probably the 5th social worker since being diagnosed (they are everywhere and always eager to help you out, which is nice) - I don't know how they always know when you're new to the next phase but they do and they come to talk to you. It's kind of impressive.
A couple hours after the infusion things started getting worse. And by the next day I felt like crap. That lasted for a few days. Juuuust long enough to make me miss out on all the delicious goodies of Independence Day. Yes, I'm still bitter about it. I think I'm always bitter about missing out on holiday food. Holiday food is the best! Though, on the plus side, I am now lighter than what my driver's license says. And that license weight hasn't been true since...I don't even know when. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
But besides missing out on delicious all-American food - including ice cream which I LOVE - (actually I did try to eat the ice cream. It probably wasn't smart. I can't eat cold things so I tried to let it melt - with the help of some hot fudge - but even in it's soupy state it was cold enough to trigger the throat tightening which sucked), the 4th of July was fabulous. We played on the beach, I got to see my niece and nephews (and their parents who I also like), we sang patriotic songs and watched fireworks. What more could you want? There was a sand castle building contest, ultimate frisbee, body boarding, laying out... and like any good cancer patient undergoing chemo would, I spent the entire time on the beach in a t-shirt, jeans, socks AND shoes lounging in the shade of various umbrellas. Yep. I'm the cool kid.
Anyway. Gotta enjoy the next week and a half before the bad part of chemo cycles back around. Happy July everyone!
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