Ah, cancer.

Okay so I wasn't as good about keeping up with the blog as I thought/said I would be. I'd blame it on the new job, but lets be honest - the job is part time and not that hard to manage (so far). I just haven't been writing! Anything. I'll probably regret that later, but I still haven't learned the greatness of preserving your thoughts for the future. So far every time I go back to read something I wrote years ago I only think "what an idiot." And I think that discourages me from writing in the present. Nevertheless I should push forward and preserve the idiocy!

Well as I believe you're all aware I've had this pesky ovarian cyst giving me sass. They gave me hormones approximately six weeks ago to shrink it, but alas it continues on as big as it ever was. Persistent bugger! The doctors I've seen about it say if it's giving me this much pain/trouble (and it is), and hormones didn't shrink it, we might as well do surgery and take it out. I like the thought of not being in pain anymore, but I must admit I'm dreading the thought of another surgery. I've only had three surgeries but they've been enough to make me hate the process - from the first IV going in to the day 3 of try-to-sit-up-okay-good-now-lets-walk-around-the-hospital to the week(s) following of pain medication and healing scars. I just don't want to do it again.

But then again I don't like having to sleep sitting up so....I guess I'll do it.

Turns out though the cyst isn't my biggest problem. Yesterday I saw my doctor and he sadly informed me that my cancer had metastasized and was now in my liver. Sigh. I'll meet with my oncologist on Monday to get the details of the plan from this point, but it sounds like the gist is that they'll probably put me on some clinical trials and hope they/I find a drug that works for me. They told me some people do go into remission so I've definitely got a fighting chance. We'll see. Meanwhile I shall take this opportunity to solicit any prayers you're willing to send out! I know the prayers of many saved me from a permanent colostomy once - so I believe they can work miracles! Here's hoping for more than my fair share of miracles. :)

Work Like a Beaver

Well it's been almost a month since I last posted. I feel guilty about this every time I read my friend Malinda's blog and think to myself "why doesn't she post every day?!" Well. Guilty and selfish. But apparently not enough of either to actually remedy the situation.

Until now! Today was my first day back at work. Yep. I went back to work. More because I need money to live in America than because I have a deep seated love for labor. Luckily the job is part time so I don't have to show up EVERY day. Woo hoo! But I tell you what - going from a year of nothing (I mean, besides trying to get healthy) to spending a whole day working is a shock to the system. I left work tonight feeling kind of sick. Like when you exercise too hard after not exercising for a long time. Yes. My body is pathetically weak. It takes so little to wipe it out. BUT. I'm sure that I'll get stronger every day. ....Right?

The good news (besides having an income) is that I THINK working a full day is going to make me properly exhausted enough to sleep tonight. Won't that be nice! (In case I haven't made it clear, I agree that it's pathetic that one day of work - ONE - has made me so sick and tired).

I haven't slept more than three hours at a time since...October. And I haven't slept lying down since mid-November. So I am hopeful that tonight will be the night that breaks the cycle! If not then maybe after TWO days of work I'll sleep a full night. It could happen.

Pretty sure the not-sleeping thing is due to the cyst pain. Lying down and standing up are just the worst. But sitting is....a little bit better than the worst. So I sleep sitting up. There are worse things. I'm just grateful to sleep at all. And hopefully the cyst will go away in the next couple of weeks. If not then I've got "a different issue." But my doctors are pretty certain that it'll go away. Here's hoping!

Other than the cyst, life is pretty great cancer-free and bag-free! I have developed kind of awful neuropathy in my feet that makes it really hard to walk, but thankfully my hands aren't so bad. I'd rather have bum feet than bum hands.

Also right now I'm watching "Half-Ton Mom" and I feel like as bad as some of my health things can get, at least I can stand and walk around. This poor woman is over 900lbs and hasn't moved from her bed in I don't know how long. That sounds miserable.

Anyway things are good. I'll try to post more often. Happy 2012 to everyone!