>:c

Alright so it's been awhile since I blogged. But I'm still doing better at keeping this up than some of you out there (Erin, Lyndsey, Tia - I'm looking at you).

A lot has happened since I got called out at Wendy's (see last post). Most of you know this already but I figured I might as well do my own little catch-up of things so far (plus Brittney reminded me that a blog is an easy way to keep people updated on how I'm doing). So I have cancer. BOO. It's stage 3 colon cancer - most specifically, rectal cancer. Serious bummer. All of my doctors (there are ten of them - I collect them like one would shot glasses or keychains) are stymied as to why I would be lucky enough to have this. I'm not over 60, I don't have a family history of colon cancer, I don't have any of the genetic markers, I'm not a big drinker, I don't have HPV, I've never had colitis or Crohn's and I'm not excessively overweight (though I was maybe on my way there with my frequent Wendy's visits). Nevertheless the tumor is there (I've seen it. Thank you sigmoidoscopy.) and we are where we are.

Since my diagnosis I've been juggling doctors appointments, I've had a surgery to make sure I didn't have ovarian cancer (suspicious cyst showed up on the CT scan) and to move my ovaries out of the upcoming radiation beams, and I've started chemo. It's been fun!

A few things I've discovered in the past month or two, after a lifetime of relative good health in which I had never had stitches, never broken any bones that needed a cast and never spent the night in a hospital. First, turns out my voice changes after surgery. It's a temporary thing (i.e. I believe it's back to normal now), but for the few days I was in the hospital and newly home my voice was about an octave higher (good thing I have a low voice?) and really weak. Maybe it was all the CO2 they pumped into me during the surgery. Maybe it has a similar effect to swallowing helium. I don't know. But it was weird.

Second, ordering hospital food off the menu is kind of fun - like room service. And the food isn't too bad. But when you have no appetite it doesn't really matter WHAT they offer you, you're mostly going to just pick at it and think about how you used to love food.

Third, and this probably should've been first, preparing for surgery sucks. Well, I should be more specific: preparing for laproscopic surgery to remove ovarian cysts and relocate your ovaries and preparing for an endoscopic ultrasound of your rectum both suck. Why? Because they both require you to clean out your colon ahead of time. I think people who have had colonoscopies (sp?) know what I'm talking about.

Now both times I had to clean out I had the misfortune of having doctors' appointments scheduled about the time the cleaning should be done. So for the first surgery I was supposed to drink two bottles of magnesium citrate at 3pm the day before my surgery. That stuff was supposed to take effect approximately 1-3 hours after I drank it. But I had an appointment with my oncologist at 4pm. Right about the time I might need to be hightailing it to the bathroom. I was nervous about what might happen so, naturally, I bought myself the store brand version of Depends. And I waited until about 4pm before I drank the magnesium (so much for following doctor's orders EXACTLY). Not having worn a diaper in something like 28 years, it was an odd experience but surprisingly comfortable. Except for the part where the doctor had to examine and push on my stomach when I'm pretty sure he noticed that my "underwear" was rather...Pamper-ish. But he didn't say anything and neither did I. Anyway that night I didn't really need the diaper but I was glad to have it on hand just in case.

The second time I had to clean out my colon they had me take two enemas beforehand. And each enema says on the box "should be effective in 1-3 minutes" and that you should never hold the enema in for longer than 10 minutes. That made me nervous because my doctor's instructions specifically said to not expel the enema until at LEAST 15 minutes had passed. Fearing this was going to be a tough feat, I again prepared myself with a diaper. And then I put on a meditation tape (yes, cassette tape), did the enema thing, and tried not to count the minutes. I think the meditation tape helped but at 13 minutes I was in trouble. It was no longer a matter of mental toughness, this enema fluid stuff refused to be kept back. That time it was a really good thing I was wearing the diaper. And it was also a good thing the bathroom was six feet away from me. I was supposed to repeat the procedure with the second enema but I didn't even last 6 minutes that time. I dare anyone to try and keep an enema in for 15 minutes. If you can do it I will buy you a value meal at Wendy's.

Anyway I'm just glad that part is over. Now it's on to chemo and radiation! So far the chemo hasn't been too bad. I just hope that continues to last for the next month or so. Fingers crossed.

I feel this post has gotten too long. So I'm cutting it here. But next time I'll have to tell you all the perks of cancer. Namely how all your friends and family bind together to take care of you and give you everything they can think of to make you comfortable and how AWESOME that is.

Oh, and the >:c is the new colon cancer symbol! Created by Emily, it is the new angry/sad face of cancer (move over breast cancer). Plus it has the dual meaning of > = person with cancer is greater than, : = colon (clever), c = c for cancer. Ta-da!