Sicky (cough, cough)

Today I woke up and thought two things (two things I'll share here - but just be aware that I had more thoughts than this in general this morning). Thing number one: I don't feel so hot. Thing number two: do I feel not-hot enough to stay home?

In the end I decided, yes, I felt ill enough that I would call in sick and spend the day mostly in bed, ocassionally on the couch, and once in awhile trekking outside to release a wayward spider or accompany my roommate on her errand(s). And while I don't really feel like I'm cheating the system or anything (this being my first sick day...this year) perhaps, maybe, I do feel like I'm cheating the system. Because as I sit here slightly nauseated* I wonder if I'm only supposed to call in sick when I'm on my death bed. Or super contagious. I might be contagious right now. But....probably not? I don't know. Anyway it turns out taking the day off to "get well" is a mentally trying time for me. This morning I felt pretty bad. And last night I kept waking myself up with annoying coughing so I didn't sleep so well. But now, 5 more hours of sleep later, I feel decent. Not like I want to go sit at my desk at work and pound out a few attorney letters or field various licensure issues, but I don't usually want to do that even when I feel 100%. (That is no reflection on my stellar job - only on my desire ultimately to live a life of leisure and get paid for it). So really. How sick do you have to be to take a sick day? I fear you have to be sicker than I am. Which thing I am realizing as the day wears on and I am feeling increasingly better. Whatever. I'm sorry work.

Really calling in to work and passing on the word "I'm not coming" is the best part. And by "best" I mean "worst." Because you feel like you have to sound sick otherwise the person on the other end of the call is going to make a note of your absence but really tell everyone in the office "sounded fine to me. I bet she's just going sailing. It's supposed to be lovely out. Too bad she's a liar, huh?" and the people would nod their heads in agreement and someone would say "I always knew she was. Lawyer....liar....they're all the same." And then everyone would mumble agreeance and decide to go to Coco's for lunch. That's how those things happen. Decisions to eat at Coco's I mean.

Anyway when I called in this morning I avoided any attempt to sound sick or miserable. There's nothing wrong with my voice. I don't have a head cold (despite the coughing last night - not sure what that was all about). My voice is largely unaffected by my aching head and nausea. And while I'm sure the receptionist I talked to wanted to hear more evidence of my misery, I was unwilling to try to convince her with a quavering voice or weak little whisper of "I'm not coming. (sniff)....Don't worry about me.....I'll be fine....just....(pause to catch breath)....tell everyone.....I'm sorry about everything.....and.....I love them."

But was that a mistake? Should I have sounded really ill? Because now I'm paranoid that I won't have enough evidence of lingering sickness tomorrow for people to believe me. But seriously. I was sick. Sick of work! heh heh, just kidding, not sick of work. I love work! Work is the BEST.

Anyway now I'm totally just rambling. But if I have to suffer an entire day (day OFF at that!) of second guessing my health with "am I really that sick? Could I have gone into work today?" then so do you. That's the beauty of blogs. We're all in this together. ....And by "all" I mean me and the two people I know are aware of the existence of this blog. Thanks guys. Your kindness has healed me.


*Traditional critics have insisted that nauseous is properly used only to mean "causing nausea" and that it is incorrect to use it to mean "affected with nausea," as in Roller coasters make me nauseous. In this example, nauseated is preferred by 72 percent of the Usage Panel of the American Heritage Dictionary.