Happy 11/11/11

Well it's a few weeks out from my last chemo treatment and I am finally starting to feel like myself again! Now all I have to do is ditch the bag and I'll be good as new (minus almost a foot of my colon)! But seriously I'm almost done. And, most importantly, as of Tuesday's appointment with the oncologist, it's official: I'm cancer free! Woo hoo! I totally took down cancer. Being young (in cancer world) is awesome.

I think maybe the best part of being cancer free is being able to think again. Wait, no the BEST part is being alive, but the second best part is feeling like you get your brain back. It's a very weird feeling to not be able to think straight. Which is how I feel like I've spent the past year - not able to concentrate on things, taking forever to understand concepts (like how to play Dominion), and forgetting stuff all the time. But now I feel like my brain is starting to work again and it's fantastic. I was worried I might just forever be in a fog (who knows how those brain synapses work - I thought I might have lost them for good!), but I am happy to report that the synapses are starting to fire again. In fact I even played Dominion again and finally got it! I didn't have to ask inane questions or stare at my cards forever trying to get what they did - I just played! And I won! Woo hoo!

I'm also glad that the ADD feeling is going away. I had a hard time this last year concentrating on any given thing long enough to enjoy it (i.e. movies felt long and boring, I couldn't read anything for longer than a couple pages, I got bored with whatever task I was doing and wanted to move on even while feeling way too tired to actually move on), but now I can wait in lines for hours and be fine! I discovered this while waiting yesterday to get into the taping of the Conan show. We got to the studio at 1:30p and the taping didn't start until 4:30p. If this had happened during my chemo time I would've struggled. But yesterday I was totally fine standing around or sitting around eavesdropping on other peoples' conversations. For a good 20 minutes I learned all about the three guys behind me and their experiences with improv classes. They talked forever about scenes they did and different techniques they were learning. It's almost like I had a free lesson myself! I also learned it took one guy 7 months to find a job. That made me a little nervous because all too soon (after my last surgery) I'm going to need to find a job myself. What if no one will hire me for seven months?! Or longer?! I hate job hunting.

Anyway Conan was fun. It's the first show taping I've ever been to. Not that we haven't tried before. We have. This was our third time trying to get to a show and our first successful attempt. Third time's the charm! The first time we were stuck in traffic and ended up sitting at a dead stop on some side street forever as the time passed by. And we both agreed that that was the WORST traffic we've ever been in. Dead stop. Forever. It was horrible.

The second time we got to the show two minutes after the time you're supposed to show up and they wouldn't let us get in line. Literally two minutes late. And we were turned away.

But this time we were there plenty early and we made it in! Huzzah! Thank you Conan for an entertaining afternoon. And thank you chemo for having worked your way out of my body enough that I was able to enjoy the Conan experience. Good times living cancer free!

Oh, and happy Veteran's Day everyone! Enjoy your 11/11/11!

Dominion

Does anyone play Dominion? I've played several times now and I'm terrible at it. You'd almost think I was trying to lose. That's how badly I do in comparison to everyone else playing. Last night there were four of us and in the third game I thought "finally I think I did alright - I'm quite sure I didn't win but at least I kept up." But no. My score of 56 paled in comparison to everyone else's 90s scores. What the crap?

I'd like to think that I could blame my poor performances on chemo - my brain just doesn't work like it used to - but I think I just don't get how to play the game. I need to practice in secret and then come back stronger. Like a panther. But I don't think I'll be able to do it. I seriously don't know what I'm doing wrong with that game. It's beyond my mental abilities. I guess I should stick to games at my level. Like Sorry and Candy Land. Totally get the strategy of those games: draw the right card/stack the deck in your favor. Next time I go to game night I'm bringing one of those with me.

I forgot to mention

That when I came home from the treatment center my room was FILLED with balloons and there was a congratulatory banner across the walls welcoming me home. There were flowers and cards and I got a micromink blanket! Woo hoo! Coming home and seeing all the love made me feel like a million bucks which, as my friends know, I rarely feel like lately. I hover somewhere around $25 - $400,000 depending on the day. But a million bucks? That's a rarity.

Now it's been about a week and the balloons are still around. I wasn't sure what to do with them. Popping them seemed....mean. So I guess my option was to let them slowly run out of air or spontaneously pop on their own. OR I could take them all and put them in my little sisters' bathroom thus filling the room up to waist level. I decided on the latter. This way everyone gets to enjoy the surprise of a room full of balloons! Maybe it seems like re-gifting, but I'm pretty sure they loved it. They just held the love in behind feelings of "what the heck?" But really. Who doesn't love having to empty their bathroom of balloons in order to use said bathroom early in the morning before seminary? Just spreading the love.

The day after

I'm done! Well, done with the transfusions. Still got about two weeks of chemo pill taking ahead of me. But still that's one major hurdle down!

So today is the day after transfusion day. I gotta say I was not looking to sitting in that little treatment center at ALL. I knew it meant the end of the line but it still felt like another opportunity to get sick again and what psycho looks forward to THAT? Not this one! But I WAS looking forward to the days following the transfusion in which I would start to feel better knowing I wouldn't have to go back there and get shot up again! And so far it's been good. I didn't throw up on my way home (which was lucky because this time I had a doctor's appointment right after my transfusion and I didn't want to throw up in the waiting room of his office), and I haven't thrown up yet! My hands and feet so far are doing alright and my sore jaw is sore but not as bad as it has been in the past. Basically this last transfusion has not been the worst one (knock on wood) and I am so grateful for that!

Then again I did sleep through most of yesterday and today (I sleep like a rock right now) so that's one good way to avoid any unpleasant side effects. I only wake up for my mom to feed me my pills and some food and a couple times I've tried to watch TV (fell asleep both times). So mostly I spend my time letting my body recover however it wants to. And in response it (my body) treats me fairly nicely; no big puking sessions or the like.

How's everyone else? Days been good? I hope so. Happy Friday to you all.

I have nothing to say today.

Alright I admit it. I'm not good at keeping up the blog. It's been almost three weeks and I know that because I can measure my time out by treatments (helpful!) and last time I posted was somewhere around treatment #5. And it's almost time for the last one! I feel like I should be more excited. I think I'll be excited once I'm not feeling that sick anymore from the treatment, but right now it's hard to get amped up to get sickly again. But soon enough I'll be done with it and well on my way to touching anything cold that I want to whenever I want! Maybe I'll start eating ice cream with my fingers! Just because! ....Probably not though. Too sticky. I'll stay with just grabbing stuff out of the fridge willy-nilly. Drinking Jamba Juice! Eating bagels! Okay bagels aren't necessarily cold but I'd really like to eat one right now.

In the meantime I've been working with my partner to get our stuff written (it's taken long enough with this whole cancer thing going on in the background. Or the foreground.) and otherwise enjoying my time away from Xeloda and Oxaliplatin. My two frienemy drugs. (is that how you spell "frienemy?" Or is it just "frenemy?" Whatever.)

The point is nothing too exciting has happened and I therefore haven't updated my blog. But I should probably stop thinking about blogging as a way to report events and start thinking about it as a place to just say whatever I want. Freeeeeedommmmm! So lets see, is there anything I want to talk about? Blast. There's not. Guess that wraps this baby up!

Five down, one to go

I made it through treatment #5! I was worried about it; can't say as I ever get excited about my next treatment even though I know each one gets me closer to the end. Still the thought of getting stabbed, sitting in the chair for a couple hours having poison poured into my bloodstream, and then getting up feeling all kinds of woozy and cold and weird usually wins out over the thought "one more down!"

But now, days later, the "one more down" is starting to sink in a little more. They lowered my dosage a little bit this round which I think contributed to my hands and feet feeling a little less sensitive (i.e. they didn't hurt as soon as we got in the cold hallway). But it didn't seem to lessen the nausea. It was odd - I didn't feel that ill feeling of "I have to throw up" but I did have an objective feeling of "yes, I will throw up shortly." I managed to hold it in until we were on the freeway when it just couldn't be helped. And since I didn't have much to throw up in (we did find a plastic bag) I managed to make a mess of my clothes and my car. Whoops! I bet my mom was glad I offered to take MY car instead of her car like we usually do! A quick stop at a gas station to clean up and try to puke anything else that might be lingering up and we were on our way again.

Nothing like throw up stories on blogs.

Since then I've felt much better; no throwing up! The side effects are what they are (as usual) and I can manage to sleep the better part of the day away and think nothing of it, but as long as the toxins are killing off what they're supposed to then so be it. I'll take the side effects if it means I get to live!

Today I ate ice cream

The title really says it all. There's nothing like a little chemo to make you appreciate the finer things in life. Like eating ice cream. Usually (read: for the two and a half weeks following each treatment) I can't touch or ingest anything cold. I've said that before - I think everyone gets the point by now. But not being able to eat anything cold means you give up a lot of deliciousness. Mainly ice cream and Jamba Juice. But today I was able to eat ice cream! For the first time since my 2nd treatment (the cold thing never wore off after the third treatment)! And it was just as good as I remembered it.
Tomorrow I'm going to have a Jamba Juice. Gotta live this up while I can 'cause come Thursday we're back in the chemo saddle (boo and yay - almost done!). But don't worry Mom - other than the daily cold thing I'm going to have, I'll try to eat healthy like I told you I would. Gotta keep those red blood cells and white blood cells up!