Bless your large intestine

There is a reason we have large intestines. And it is so they can absorb all that stomach acid on the inside before it touches any of your outsides.

It's probably there for other reasons too, but lately that one has been coming to mind most keenly. Because let me tell you what - that stomach acid will burn away your flesh. At least, it has to mine and it is not fun. Nor is it pretty. Well, it's a little pretty. Very pink and colorful. But still. My skin is supposed to be pale white (at least on my belly)! Not pretty pink. I took a picture of my stoma last night and the poor poor raw flesh around it but I don't know if I should really post it here. It's pretty gross looking. Tell you what, if you really want to see it let me know and I'll send it to you. You sicko. (Just kidding - if I were you I'd totally want to see it. But I might regret it after viewing.)

Anyway I could live with the semi-constant burning sensation on my stomach if I knew it was just a little pain and not actually harming my skin. But seeing the skin (or lack thereof) makes me sad. Poor skin, I wish I was protecting you better.

So bless your large intestine. It may not always agree with you, but trust me, it's a good thing it's working.

Good news, bad news

Well the good news is I'm out of the hospital, I can walk, and my ileostomy is only temporary! (I guess that's three good newses). The bad news is I'm still such a wimp that this morning I wanted cranberry juice with my breakfast, but I was too weak to open the new bottle. And the only other person around was grandma. So I just had to put it back in the fridge and have water instead. Sigh. Next time.

Conference Weekend

It's been awhile since I posted pictures here. In fact I think the last picture was of Essiac tea. Gross. But good for you. Still, no one really wants to see that. So it was time to hit the pictures again.

A couple weekends ago we went up to Utah! I got to go snowboarding (sorry - no pics of that) and it was fantastic. I loved it. Snowboarding makes me happy. Also fantastic? Seeing so much family!

As you can see we're having a fabulous time.

It snowed a little. So Laney made a little snowman.

<-- Our gracious hosts for the first couple of days. We wore them out. And then moved on to our second set of gracious hosts. That's how we do.

Someone lives in sunny California. And someone else lives in snowy Utah. Can you tell which is which? heh heh heh

Look at that delicious baked brie she made!

The spread for the baby shower. Good thing my appetite came back this month! I'll have a little of everything. ....Or a lot of everything.

This kid is CUTE.

Speaking of delicious, this cake is the BEST. And it may look big, but in a house full of Polynesians it didn't last long. I think it might have survived for about an hour.

And speaking of CUTE, these two together are adorable. And hilarious. She likes to sit on laps. Even the lap of her younger relatives. But it's cool - he takes it all in stride.

Cousins!

While not pictured here, I also got to see some of my friends who live in Utah! That was also way fun. Who doesn't love to see some of their most favorite people? All told it was a winning weekend. Friends, family, food, games, baby shower, birthday singing accompanied by the ukelele, basketball, snowboarding and, oh yes, Conference. What more could you ask for?

And now...

So. This was the week of finding-out-how-everything-is-going. That's a lame name for it but a better name escapes me at this moment. Anyway. I had a PET scan yesterday. Or I THOUGHT I had a PET scan (which is the one where they shoot you up with radioactive glucose and tell you to stay away from kids since you're radioactive for the day) but it turned out I had a PET scan AND a CT scan. This was disappointing because it meant I had to drink the barium again and that stuff is...awful. This time though I knew better than to try and get it down quickly. So I went with slow and steady and managed to avoid gagging or throwing it up. But it was still nasty. Ugh. And there's just so much of it! Sickening.

Anyway. PET/CT scan. Other than the drinking of the "contrast" it was fine. I mean, per usual they had quite a go of things trying to find a vein to pierce, but in the end it all worked out. They went in some side vein in my arm. Not a big deal but I hate when they preface the poking with "okay if we could go in at the usual spot it'd be fine, but here it's going to hurt." Awesome.

The highlight of the day, however, was getting a letter from my gastroenterologist (spelling questionable) with the results of my colonoscopy. Turned out all the biopsies they took (I think they only took three or so) were negative for cancer! Woo hoo! I mean, no one said the words "cancer free" yet, but clear biopsies HAD to be a good thing.

So today I had an appointment with my surgeon. I was looking forward to it because I figured then we could talk about what the next steps were, if we REALLY had to do surgery if the biopsies were clear, etc. Well. Turns out I still have to have surgery. I mean, the good news is I had a great response to chemo/radiation and it really shrunk the tumor down so there is a really really good chance now that I WON'T have to have a colostomy for the rest of my life. But the bad (kinda bad - but not death bad) news is there's still a pretty good chance the cancer is still there. Just smaller and hiding and stuff. The PET/CT scan showed that my lymph nodes still seem to show some "activity" and the wall of my rectum is still thick so odds are that I'm not in the clear yet. The surgeon also did some sort of scope kind of exam (always a good time) and while he couldn't see the tumor (which had previously been "impressive" in size) he could still feel a mass about the size of a golf ball. Boooo. But hey. I'll take a golf ball over whatever it was before which was bigger than a golf ball.

So surgery is scheduled for the end of April. I have approximately one month to live it up before my intestine will be attached to a bag on the side of my torso. If that doesn't make me popular I don't know what will. Can't wait for bathing suit season! ;)

Anyway that's all the news for now I think. I meet with my oncologist and my radiation oncologist next week so if anything changes I'll be sure to let you know. For now I'm going to enjoy feeling like my cancer is dying. Soon enough I'll cut it out completely!

Colonoscopy #1

Since this will be a yearly thing for me now, I guess yesterday was the first in a long line of colonoscopies. Yay? As expected the prep part was less than pleasant. The clear liquid diet wasn't too bad but drinking the Suprep stuff was pretty nasty. I threw up the first half of the first dose and was concerned that I was never going to be able to hold down the second dose and then I'd have to tell the doctor and he'd be all mad and blah blah blah. But as it turned out, the second dose went down without coming back up (though it tried. But i won that fight.) and I was good to go.

Since I'd heard that the prep was the worst part, once I was done drinking the second dose I was feeling pretty good. Like it was going to be smooth sailing. Besides being hungry (a welcome feeling after a couple months of hating food) I had no qualms about the upcoming procedure. I mean, not the Most fun thing ever, but I'd be asleep through it so no big deal! I go to sleep, feel nothing, wake up and get to have real food! I can handle that. But, unfortunately my low blood prressure spooked the doctor and though he didn't admit it outright, I think it was the reason he didn't want to put me all the way out. And how did I decide this? Well my blood pressure was 88/53 and when the doctor saw it he said "geez, how am I supposed to give her any anesthesia?!" They gave me a sedative I think, but I was definitely awake the whole time and I didn't feel sleepy at all. And the worst part of being awake is feeling all the gas they pump into you to keep your colon open. It hurts! But I guess getting to see the colonoscopy was interesting. Kind of. I still would rather have slept through it. But I guess I could be proud of how spic and span my colon looked. And therein lies the good news: no polyps! No tumor! A little inflamed and irritated still, but more or less clean as a whistle. They took a biopsy of the inflamed area to see if there are still microscopic cancer cells there, but it looked waaaay better than the last time they took a look.

When I got to the recovery room the nurse was like "whoa, you're wide awake!" and I thought to myself (but didn't say) "yah, I didn't get to sleep through it." but on the upside I think it meant I got out of there pretty fast. All I had to do was change back into my clothes and I was free! And had yet another pair of hospital socks to add to my growing collection. Score!

And we hit in-n-out on the way home and all was right with the world. March is a good month. I've always thought so.

Free Month

Sorry, it's been awhile. I blame it in part on feeling really down and out (enough so that my phone would ring right next to my arm and it still felt like too much effort to move my hand to pick it up and see who was calling), part on jury duty, and then part on partying hard now that I'm feeling better! It's the perfect storm of excuses. Eh?

The good news is I finished my radiation and chemo! Yay! Well, I mean finished until after surgery when it starts up again. But still. A month or so off is music to my little ears. I'm starting to feel much better already. Not quite to my most chipper self yet, but sooo much better than before. So I guess that means it's the perfect time to get a colonoscopy! Because that would just be silly to leave discomfort behind COMPLETELY. So Tuesday I'm going in. The doctors just want to make SURE sure that there aren't any other concerns in the rest of my colon. You know - polyps or whatnot hiding out. Anyway, Monday will be a fun filled day in which I do that whole clear liquid diet thing and then down some lovely tasting bowel prep stuff to clean me out. But I hear that by Tuesday night (after the procedure is over) I'll feel fit as a fiddle again.

The last couple weeks of radiation and chemo were rough. I felt so sick that I mostly laid there like a slug on a rug and only sat up when forced to eat or to go to a doctor's appointment. This made me concerned because I had jury duty my last week of radiation ("boost" week - where they up the radiation and focus in on the tumor) and I wasn't sure if I'd be very good at sitting there and judging someone. But it all worked out just fine. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, I had MORE energy during boost week than I'd had the week before. So I was able to sit in the courtroom and judge to my heart's content. And the end result? I voted to let a convicted felon go free. But when I say it like that it sounds bad. He really was not guilty. Of this crime. Anyway, it really was amazing that I did as well as I did during the very last week of radiation. I'm grateful!

And since I've been out of the way of those beams and off my chemical pills, life has gotten much more pleasant! I even exercised yesterday! Of course it was rather pathetic, but it felt good to be moving around again. I'm trying to ease myself in to getting ready to snowboard. :) If I can make it work I want to go at least once before I have to have surgery and I'm down and out again! But I'm finding it's hard to figure out when I can get to Utah (where the snow is much better) for longer than a couple days what with the appointments and scans and whatnot I have this month. Still. Where there's a will there's a way.

For now I'm enjoying my relative good health! And I hope you all are too. (Enjoying your own health...you don't have to be enjoying mine).

Radiation continues

Well I'm a week and a half into radiation now and so far I can't complain too much. Last week I was feeling a lot sicker but this week the nausea is down and I feel like that counts for a lot. Even if the discomfort level rises (which it has - it's weird to feel like you have a sunburn on your insides), I'd rather take that and walking around all crouched over like I'm 80 than constantly feeling like I want to throw up. So I'll take it!

I got to ease up on my chemo pills a bit too. Now I take two twice a day instead of three twice a day. Maybe that's helping with the nausea level. I AM starting to develop "hand foot syndrome" which, from what I hear, basically means the palms of my hands and soles of my feet will turn red and get all grossly dry and possibly crack and it's painful. Even to the point where it might make walking difficult. Luckily right now I don't have a lot of pain in my hands or feet. They're just red mostly. But I can't wait for the day I'm too sick to walk and I make my friends give me piggy-back rides everywhere. I'm sure Bonnie is stronger than she looks. Plus I'm losing weight anyway so I'm doing my part to make it easier on her.

What else can I say about cancer? I got a vitamix! Or I should say all my friends who are AMAZING got me a Vitamix. I love it. I feel like I just need to find the Jamba Juice recipes online and I could totally make them in that thing. Last night I made a protein powder type of orange julius. It was actually pretty good. I'll be making soups and various dips in the near future. The Superbowl is coming up and that seems like the perfect time to break out the power of the Vitamix.

Really everyone has been SO GREAT about getting me things to help ease the discomfort and general suckiness of cancer. And I have put everything to good use! People are so good at knowing what things will help you. I'm constantly amazed. And can't tell you all how grateful I am. Thank you. Everybody.