I forgot to mention

That when I came home from the treatment center my room was FILLED with balloons and there was a congratulatory banner across the walls welcoming me home. There were flowers and cards and I got a micromink blanket! Woo hoo! Coming home and seeing all the love made me feel like a million bucks which, as my friends know, I rarely feel like lately. I hover somewhere around $25 - $400,000 depending on the day. But a million bucks? That's a rarity.

Now it's been about a week and the balloons are still around. I wasn't sure what to do with them. Popping them seemed....mean. So I guess my option was to let them slowly run out of air or spontaneously pop on their own. OR I could take them all and put them in my little sisters' bathroom thus filling the room up to waist level. I decided on the latter. This way everyone gets to enjoy the surprise of a room full of balloons! Maybe it seems like re-gifting, but I'm pretty sure they loved it. They just held the love in behind feelings of "what the heck?" But really. Who doesn't love having to empty their bathroom of balloons in order to use said bathroom early in the morning before seminary? Just spreading the love.

The day after

I'm done! Well, done with the transfusions. Still got about two weeks of chemo pill taking ahead of me. But still that's one major hurdle down!

So today is the day after transfusion day. I gotta say I was not looking to sitting in that little treatment center at ALL. I knew it meant the end of the line but it still felt like another opportunity to get sick again and what psycho looks forward to THAT? Not this one! But I WAS looking forward to the days following the transfusion in which I would start to feel better knowing I wouldn't have to go back there and get shot up again! And so far it's been good. I didn't throw up on my way home (which was lucky because this time I had a doctor's appointment right after my transfusion and I didn't want to throw up in the waiting room of his office), and I haven't thrown up yet! My hands and feet so far are doing alright and my sore jaw is sore but not as bad as it has been in the past. Basically this last transfusion has not been the worst one (knock on wood) and I am so grateful for that!

Then again I did sleep through most of yesterday and today (I sleep like a rock right now) so that's one good way to avoid any unpleasant side effects. I only wake up for my mom to feed me my pills and some food and a couple times I've tried to watch TV (fell asleep both times). So mostly I spend my time letting my body recover however it wants to. And in response it (my body) treats me fairly nicely; no big puking sessions or the like.

How's everyone else? Days been good? I hope so. Happy Friday to you all.

I have nothing to say today.

Alright I admit it. I'm not good at keeping up the blog. It's been almost three weeks and I know that because I can measure my time out by treatments (helpful!) and last time I posted was somewhere around treatment #5. And it's almost time for the last one! I feel like I should be more excited. I think I'll be excited once I'm not feeling that sick anymore from the treatment, but right now it's hard to get amped up to get sickly again. But soon enough I'll be done with it and well on my way to touching anything cold that I want to whenever I want! Maybe I'll start eating ice cream with my fingers! Just because! ....Probably not though. Too sticky. I'll stay with just grabbing stuff out of the fridge willy-nilly. Drinking Jamba Juice! Eating bagels! Okay bagels aren't necessarily cold but I'd really like to eat one right now.

In the meantime I've been working with my partner to get our stuff written (it's taken long enough with this whole cancer thing going on in the background. Or the foreground.) and otherwise enjoying my time away from Xeloda and Oxaliplatin. My two frienemy drugs. (is that how you spell "frienemy?" Or is it just "frenemy?" Whatever.)

The point is nothing too exciting has happened and I therefore haven't updated my blog. But I should probably stop thinking about blogging as a way to report events and start thinking about it as a place to just say whatever I want. Freeeeeedommmmm! So lets see, is there anything I want to talk about? Blast. There's not. Guess that wraps this baby up!

Five down, one to go

I made it through treatment #5! I was worried about it; can't say as I ever get excited about my next treatment even though I know each one gets me closer to the end. Still the thought of getting stabbed, sitting in the chair for a couple hours having poison poured into my bloodstream, and then getting up feeling all kinds of woozy and cold and weird usually wins out over the thought "one more down!"

But now, days later, the "one more down" is starting to sink in a little more. They lowered my dosage a little bit this round which I think contributed to my hands and feet feeling a little less sensitive (i.e. they didn't hurt as soon as we got in the cold hallway). But it didn't seem to lessen the nausea. It was odd - I didn't feel that ill feeling of "I have to throw up" but I did have an objective feeling of "yes, I will throw up shortly." I managed to hold it in until we were on the freeway when it just couldn't be helped. And since I didn't have much to throw up in (we did find a plastic bag) I managed to make a mess of my clothes and my car. Whoops! I bet my mom was glad I offered to take MY car instead of her car like we usually do! A quick stop at a gas station to clean up and try to puke anything else that might be lingering up and we were on our way again.

Nothing like throw up stories on blogs.

Since then I've felt much better; no throwing up! The side effects are what they are (as usual) and I can manage to sleep the better part of the day away and think nothing of it, but as long as the toxins are killing off what they're supposed to then so be it. I'll take the side effects if it means I get to live!

Today I ate ice cream

The title really says it all. There's nothing like a little chemo to make you appreciate the finer things in life. Like eating ice cream. Usually (read: for the two and a half weeks following each treatment) I can't touch or ingest anything cold. I've said that before - I think everyone gets the point by now. But not being able to eat anything cold means you give up a lot of deliciousness. Mainly ice cream and Jamba Juice. But today I was able to eat ice cream! For the first time since my 2nd treatment (the cold thing never wore off after the third treatment)! And it was just as good as I remembered it.
Tomorrow I'm going to have a Jamba Juice. Gotta live this up while I can 'cause come Thursday we're back in the chemo saddle (boo and yay - almost done!). But don't worry Mom - other than the daily cold thing I'm going to have, I'll try to eat healthy like I told you I would. Gotta keep those red blood cells and white blood cells up!

Dreaming

All the sleeping I've been doing has led to some amazing dreams. I usually dream about stuff related to my day. They're usually good dreams, they're just...not crazy. But now on chemo they're crazy. In a very entertaining way. I often wake up thinking "I just dreamed what would be a great movie." But once awake I realize that sleepy me doesn't make wise, rational, or logical decisions.

Like once I had a dream about a fat girl who was sister to the two main characters in my dream and her name was Lorna Doone and I thought that was BRILLIANT! Or the time I dreamed I was playing soccer (quite well really) in a vanilla ice cream field covered in whip cream. It was like playing in snow except I was really tempted to eat the snow/ice cream. But I didn't because of the same reason you don't eat food off the ground (unless you just dropped it): society frowns on you.

I should start writing my dreams down here as soon as I wake up because I think they're pretty good. But maybe making them accessible to the public would show me that they're not actually good. And I would stop making plans to make money off writing scripts based on my dreams. Because the other thing is I don't dream whole movies although I think I do while it's happening. I wake up thinking "I have a whole story!" only to realize "wait, I have a scene in which my sister-in-law is getting a lifetime award for cheerleading and is suspended above the ground on wires."

Anyway I am grateful for this side effect of chemo because at least it's a fun one!

Round 4 Down

Since the advent of the two additional anti-nausea medications, I am happy to report that I don't usually feel like throwing up. Of course the sentiment hits me on occasion, but for the greater part of the day that's not something I'm left dealing with. Which is great.

My newest struggle is to stay awake. My little cocktail of drugs I take (to weather the chemo) really knocks me out. I've never slept so soundly in my life (and I consider myself a fairly sound sleeper)! Just yesterday my mom would wake me up and ask me if I wanted to eat (which I never do but I need to in order to take the chemo pills), and I said yes and as she got up to get me some food I promptly fell asleep again. Like OUT asleep. Where you have to shake someone to wake them up. That happened three times in a row. Finally around 11pm I pulled it together enough to be awake by the time my food got to me.

Other than the sleepiness I'm alright. There's the general malaise feeling of being sick and, of course, the mittens I sport since I can't touch anything cold. Including silverwear. That stuff is icy! But it's all the same stuff as before so now it's just a matter of puttering through. Taking the licks as they come and hoping the days go by quickly. And trust me, when you sleep through most of them, they go by quickly.

I'm still dreading rounds 5 and 6 since all these side effects are cumulative and they don't seem to be getting any easier, but hopefully I'll just sleep right through those too and call it good. :) Because come mid-October I should be doing great again! Or at least good again! And I surely cannot wait for that.