And now...

So. This was the week of finding-out-how-everything-is-going. That's a lame name for it but a better name escapes me at this moment. Anyway. I had a PET scan yesterday. Or I THOUGHT I had a PET scan (which is the one where they shoot you up with radioactive glucose and tell you to stay away from kids since you're radioactive for the day) but it turned out I had a PET scan AND a CT scan. This was disappointing because it meant I had to drink the barium again and that stuff is...awful. This time though I knew better than to try and get it down quickly. So I went with slow and steady and managed to avoid gagging or throwing it up. But it was still nasty. Ugh. And there's just so much of it! Sickening.

Anyway. PET/CT scan. Other than the drinking of the "contrast" it was fine. I mean, per usual they had quite a go of things trying to find a vein to pierce, but in the end it all worked out. They went in some side vein in my arm. Not a big deal but I hate when they preface the poking with "okay if we could go in at the usual spot it'd be fine, but here it's going to hurt." Awesome.

The highlight of the day, however, was getting a letter from my gastroenterologist (spelling questionable) with the results of my colonoscopy. Turned out all the biopsies they took (I think they only took three or so) were negative for cancer! Woo hoo! I mean, no one said the words "cancer free" yet, but clear biopsies HAD to be a good thing.

So today I had an appointment with my surgeon. I was looking forward to it because I figured then we could talk about what the next steps were, if we REALLY had to do surgery if the biopsies were clear, etc. Well. Turns out I still have to have surgery. I mean, the good news is I had a great response to chemo/radiation and it really shrunk the tumor down so there is a really really good chance now that I WON'T have to have a colostomy for the rest of my life. But the bad (kinda bad - but not death bad) news is there's still a pretty good chance the cancer is still there. Just smaller and hiding and stuff. The PET/CT scan showed that my lymph nodes still seem to show some "activity" and the wall of my rectum is still thick so odds are that I'm not in the clear yet. The surgeon also did some sort of scope kind of exam (always a good time) and while he couldn't see the tumor (which had previously been "impressive" in size) he could still feel a mass about the size of a golf ball. Boooo. But hey. I'll take a golf ball over whatever it was before which was bigger than a golf ball.

So surgery is scheduled for the end of April. I have approximately one month to live it up before my intestine will be attached to a bag on the side of my torso. If that doesn't make me popular I don't know what will. Can't wait for bathing suit season! ;)

Anyway that's all the news for now I think. I meet with my oncologist and my radiation oncologist next week so if anything changes I'll be sure to let you know. For now I'm going to enjoy feeling like my cancer is dying. Soon enough I'll cut it out completely!

Colonoscopy #1

Since this will be a yearly thing for me now, I guess yesterday was the first in a long line of colonoscopies. Yay? As expected the prep part was less than pleasant. The clear liquid diet wasn't too bad but drinking the Suprep stuff was pretty nasty. I threw up the first half of the first dose and was concerned that I was never going to be able to hold down the second dose and then I'd have to tell the doctor and he'd be all mad and blah blah blah. But as it turned out, the second dose went down without coming back up (though it tried. But i won that fight.) and I was good to go.

Since I'd heard that the prep was the worst part, once I was done drinking the second dose I was feeling pretty good. Like it was going to be smooth sailing. Besides being hungry (a welcome feeling after a couple months of hating food) I had no qualms about the upcoming procedure. I mean, not the Most fun thing ever, but I'd be asleep through it so no big deal! I go to sleep, feel nothing, wake up and get to have real food! I can handle that. But, unfortunately my low blood prressure spooked the doctor and though he didn't admit it outright, I think it was the reason he didn't want to put me all the way out. And how did I decide this? Well my blood pressure was 88/53 and when the doctor saw it he said "geez, how am I supposed to give her any anesthesia?!" They gave me a sedative I think, but I was definitely awake the whole time and I didn't feel sleepy at all. And the worst part of being awake is feeling all the gas they pump into you to keep your colon open. It hurts! But I guess getting to see the colonoscopy was interesting. Kind of. I still would rather have slept through it. But I guess I could be proud of how spic and span my colon looked. And therein lies the good news: no polyps! No tumor! A little inflamed and irritated still, but more or less clean as a whistle. They took a biopsy of the inflamed area to see if there are still microscopic cancer cells there, but it looked waaaay better than the last time they took a look.

When I got to the recovery room the nurse was like "whoa, you're wide awake!" and I thought to myself (but didn't say) "yah, I didn't get to sleep through it." but on the upside I think it meant I got out of there pretty fast. All I had to do was change back into my clothes and I was free! And had yet another pair of hospital socks to add to my growing collection. Score!

And we hit in-n-out on the way home and all was right with the world. March is a good month. I've always thought so.

Free Month

Sorry, it's been awhile. I blame it in part on feeling really down and out (enough so that my phone would ring right next to my arm and it still felt like too much effort to move my hand to pick it up and see who was calling), part on jury duty, and then part on partying hard now that I'm feeling better! It's the perfect storm of excuses. Eh?

The good news is I finished my radiation and chemo! Yay! Well, I mean finished until after surgery when it starts up again. But still. A month or so off is music to my little ears. I'm starting to feel much better already. Not quite to my most chipper self yet, but sooo much better than before. So I guess that means it's the perfect time to get a colonoscopy! Because that would just be silly to leave discomfort behind COMPLETELY. So Tuesday I'm going in. The doctors just want to make SURE sure that there aren't any other concerns in the rest of my colon. You know - polyps or whatnot hiding out. Anyway, Monday will be a fun filled day in which I do that whole clear liquid diet thing and then down some lovely tasting bowel prep stuff to clean me out. But I hear that by Tuesday night (after the procedure is over) I'll feel fit as a fiddle again.

The last couple weeks of radiation and chemo were rough. I felt so sick that I mostly laid there like a slug on a rug and only sat up when forced to eat or to go to a doctor's appointment. This made me concerned because I had jury duty my last week of radiation ("boost" week - where they up the radiation and focus in on the tumor) and I wasn't sure if I'd be very good at sitting there and judging someone. But it all worked out just fine. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, I had MORE energy during boost week than I'd had the week before. So I was able to sit in the courtroom and judge to my heart's content. And the end result? I voted to let a convicted felon go free. But when I say it like that it sounds bad. He really was not guilty. Of this crime. Anyway, it really was amazing that I did as well as I did during the very last week of radiation. I'm grateful!

And since I've been out of the way of those beams and off my chemical pills, life has gotten much more pleasant! I even exercised yesterday! Of course it was rather pathetic, but it felt good to be moving around again. I'm trying to ease myself in to getting ready to snowboard. :) If I can make it work I want to go at least once before I have to have surgery and I'm down and out again! But I'm finding it's hard to figure out when I can get to Utah (where the snow is much better) for longer than a couple days what with the appointments and scans and whatnot I have this month. Still. Where there's a will there's a way.

For now I'm enjoying my relative good health! And I hope you all are too. (Enjoying your own health...you don't have to be enjoying mine).

Radiation continues

Well I'm a week and a half into radiation now and so far I can't complain too much. Last week I was feeling a lot sicker but this week the nausea is down and I feel like that counts for a lot. Even if the discomfort level rises (which it has - it's weird to feel like you have a sunburn on your insides), I'd rather take that and walking around all crouched over like I'm 80 than constantly feeling like I want to throw up. So I'll take it!

I got to ease up on my chemo pills a bit too. Now I take two twice a day instead of three twice a day. Maybe that's helping with the nausea level. I AM starting to develop "hand foot syndrome" which, from what I hear, basically means the palms of my hands and soles of my feet will turn red and get all grossly dry and possibly crack and it's painful. Even to the point where it might make walking difficult. Luckily right now I don't have a lot of pain in my hands or feet. They're just red mostly. But I can't wait for the day I'm too sick to walk and I make my friends give me piggy-back rides everywhere. I'm sure Bonnie is stronger than she looks. Plus I'm losing weight anyway so I'm doing my part to make it easier on her.

What else can I say about cancer? I got a vitamix! Or I should say all my friends who are AMAZING got me a Vitamix. I love it. I feel like I just need to find the Jamba Juice recipes online and I could totally make them in that thing. Last night I made a protein powder type of orange julius. It was actually pretty good. I'll be making soups and various dips in the near future. The Superbowl is coming up and that seems like the perfect time to break out the power of the Vitamix.

Really everyone has been SO GREAT about getting me things to help ease the discomfort and general suckiness of cancer. And I have put everything to good use! People are so good at knowing what things will help you. I'm constantly amazed. And can't tell you all how grateful I am. Thank you. Everybody.

Essiac Tea

In addition to the fun that is chemo and radiation, Bonnie thought it would be good to add Essiac Tea. It looks like sludge and tastes like it too. And if I drink it three times a day it's supposed to help me be cancer free. And who am I to turn down cancer helping tea at a time like this?

But of course if I have to drink it so does Bonnie. I took a video of our first drinking experience but I'm blogger illiterate so I don't know how to make it work here. That's probably going to require an in-person consultation Britt. So be prepared.

In the meantime I can provide these little photos.

Since this first go I've had the "tea" a few more times. It doesn't ever get better. But hopefully I will!

As a side note today I started radiation. The actual getting radiated part was fine - slightly uncomfortable to be laying on your stomach with the hole in the platform for your insides to spill into - but overall fine. It seems like between that and the chemo my tumor has become angry today and feels more irritated but that might all be in my head. Either way tomorrow I get to do it all again!

Free Week

This week I have the luxury of not taking my chemo pills AND not having to do radiation. While I am, in a roundabout way, looking forward to both since the sooner I get them over with the sooner I shrink this sucker, mostly right now I am enjoying my last week until March of freedom from chemicals and radiation beams! This is day two of not taking the chemo and I don't know if I feel that different yet. I suppose I feel less queasy though food still doesn't sound especially appetizing, and maybe a little less tired? I don't know. I expect I'll start definitely feeling better by Monday which will be my last day before chemo and radiation start up again. Blast.

My last couple of doctors' appointments were great - at one they took out most of the stitches from my surgery (didn't get them all but I think that's because some of them were still pretty gross and they didn't want to hurt me or open any wounds), and at the other I found out about the week off from chemo AND I found out that I MIGHT not have to also have the IV chemo (on top of the chemo pills and radiation) before my surgery! That was happy news. If the current chemo and the radiation will do all the shrinking necessary and we can avoid additional chemicals that sounds good to me!

Today I go in for my verification simulation where they make sure that they tattooed me right and I line up with all the lasers. Hopefully everything will go smoothly. I don't know what happens if it doesn't; maybe I get more tattoos? I think it's safe to venture that they're pretty good at what they do though so I bet they keep their tattooing of the same person to a minimum. Still you never know.

This weekend is the big powder puff football tournament. Unfortunately since my surgery incisions are still healing I won't be able to play. >:C I think Glendale probably pushed the tournament back to January (what happened to early December again?!) just to keep me out. It's a big conspiracy. Probably. I did go to my team's practice last night and I got to play a little; nothing too crazy. Basically all I did was snap the ball for the quarterback(s) but it was actually enough to make me tired. Guess I'm out of shape. Because that's sad. And yah, it also made me work up a sweat. But I blame that on the Polynesian in me. Not necessarily on the chemo in me. Luckily I don't think my team needs me to win or anything - I just WANT to play. Oh well, next time next time.

Also, at some point I'll put pictures up. But before that happens I'll need to TAKE some pictures. So first things first and, thanks to Britt, I should be able to eventually post something visually interesting. Wait for it....

Scanned

Yesterday I was finally able to get my PET/CT scan(s) to get me all set up for my radiation treatments. While I'm not really excited about getting radiated, I AM looking forward to destroying the tumor as soon as possible. So I was happy to finally get this thing scheduled!

Prep for the scans wasn't too bad. I just had to fast for 6hrs beforehand. Normally that would be an unwelcome directive (being told not to eat just makes me hungrier), but in my present state being told not to eat all morning is more like "eh, alright, glad to have an excuse for skipping meals." The downside is, despite my lack of appetite, I still feel worse when I don't eat - must be low blood sugar or something. So I knew I'd feel a bit worse than usual but at least we weren't doing any enema or magnesium citrate prep. I was happy.

So I had my first appointment with the radiology lab where they fashioned me a little padded table to lie down on and made it specific for my body so that every day when I come in they can just stick me on "my" table and line me up for the radiation. Since my tumor is positioned right around my butt I wondered how they were going to get to it. Turns out, I lie face down and they come at me from the sides and the back. This would all be fine and good but the little table I lie on has a part cut out for my stomach so that when I lie down all my insides can kind of fall forward into the hole and maybe avoid getting zapped a bit. Sounds like a good idea to me - the fewer healthy organs getting radiated the better - but it's not the most comfortable position in the world. So I don't think I'll ever be falling asleep during treatments or anything. Ah well.

After the radiology lab I was sent upstairs to my next appointment in the nuclear medicine department. Here they made me drink the disgusting contrast stuff which I was only able to partially do. I don't know what it is about that stuff but I really can't stomach it. I tried and about halfway through it I was pausing a lot because my gag reflex was becoming increasingly strong and I was SERIOUSLY concerned about puking up the whole lot of stuff (maybe it's that you're drinking it on an empty stomach?) so the tech lady (Amanda) told me "it's okay - if you're going to throw it up I'll have you stop drinking for now because throwing it up would defeat the whole purpose." Even now, thinking about it makes me shudder. That stuff is thick and horrid. I managed to get through half of it. Hopefully that was enough to highlight my digestive tract. And I now have a healthy fear of CT scans that require me to drink that stuff. I really don't know if I can do it again. Eek.

So then I sat in a chair to let the thick stuff I drank work its way through my system a bit and they also went ahead and injected me (through the IV they had put in during my earlier appointment) with radioactive glucose and asked if I had any small children. I said no, why? And they said "because you're going to be radioactive so we recommend you keep your distance from small children." I asked if I should not let my little dog lick me then and they just said "uhhhmmm, well we're really just concerned about small children." No love for the small dogs.

After the 45 minutes in the chair to think about the nasty stuff I had drunk they made me down one more cup, change into a lovely gown, and head into the second scanner. There I did the CT scan, then they did the CT with me on my specially put together pads with the belly hole, then they flipped me back over again and did the PET scan with me lying on my back (much more comfy). All in all the sitting and scanning took about two hours. Oh, and I almost forgot - I came out of it with my first tattoos. Yep, part of the radiation lining up they'll do every day involves them tattooing you so they know where to aim their beams. So I now have three tiny dot tattoos - one on each hip and one on my lower back. Like a tramp stamp. Only I think even lower than those. So it's a serious tramp stamp. Right now they're surrounded by pen markings in what looks like the cross-hairs of a scope so they're easy to find. But once the pen has washed off I don't know that anyone will be able to find the tattoos and exclaim "I didn't know you had a tattoo!" ....Unless, of course, I make them more elaborate. Or connect them all by tattooing a braided belt low on my hips. Oh the possibilities.