Failure To State A Claim

Ah, cancer.

2012-01-28T07:32:00.000-08:00

Okay so I wasn't as good about keeping up with the blog as I thought/said I would be. I'd blame it on the new job, but lets be honest - the job is part time and not that hard to manage (so far). I just haven't been writing! Anything. I'll probably regret that later, but I still haven't learned the greatness of preserving your thoughts for the future. So far every time I go back to read something I wrote years ago I only think "what an idiot." And I think that discourages me from writing in the present. Nevertheless I should push forward and preserve the idiocy!

Well as I believe you're all aware I've had this pesky ovarian cyst giving me sass. They gave me hormones approximately six weeks ago to shrink it, but alas it continues on as big as it ever was. Persistent bugger! The doctors I've seen about it say if it's giving me this much pain/trouble (and it is), and hormones didn't shrink it, we might as well do surgery and take it out. I like the thought of not being in pain anymore, but I must admit I'm dreading the thought of another surgery. I've only had three surgeries but they've been enough to make me hate the process - from the first IV going in to the day 3 of try-to-sit-up-okay-good-now-lets-walk-around-the-hospital to the week(s) following of pain medication and healing scars. I just don't want to do it again.

But then again I don't like having to sleep sitting up so....I guess I'll do it.

Turns out though the cyst isn't my biggest problem. Yesterday I saw my doctor and he sadly informed me that my cancer had metastasized and was now in my liver. Sigh. I'll meet with my oncologist on Monday to get the details of the plan from this point, but it sounds like the gist is that they'll probably put me on some clinical trials and hope they/I find a drug that works for me. They told me some people do go into remission so I've definitely got a fighting chance. We'll see. Meanwhile I shall take this opportunity to solicit any prayers you're willing to send out! I know the prayers of many saved me from a permanent colostomy once - so I believe they can work miracles! Here's hoping for more than my fair share of miracles. :)

Work Like a Beaver

2012-01-10T20:21:00.000-08:00

Well it's been almost a month since I last posted. I feel guilty about this every time I read my friend Malinda's blog and think to myself "why doesn't she post every day?!" Well. Guilty and selfish. But apparently not enough of either to actually remedy the situation.

Until now! Today was my first day back at work. Yep. I went back to work. More because I need money to live in America than because I have a deep seated love for labor. Luckily the job is part time so I don't have to show up EVERY day. Woo hoo! But I tell you what - going from a year of nothing (I mean, besides trying to get healthy) to spending a whole day working is a shock to the system. I left work tonight feeling kind of sick. Like when you exercise too hard after not exercising for a long time. Yes. My body is pathetically weak. It takes so little to wipe it out. BUT. I'm sure that I'll get stronger every day. ....Right?

The good news (besides having an income) is that I THINK working a full day is going to make me properly exhausted enough to sleep tonight. Won't that be nice! (In case I haven't made it clear, I agree that it's pathetic that one day of work - ONE - has made me so sick and tired).

I haven't slept more than three hours at a time since...October. And I haven't slept lying down since mid-November. So I am hopeful that tonight will be the night that breaks the cycle! If not then maybe after TWO days of work I'll sleep a full night. It could happen.

Pretty sure the not-sleeping thing is due to the cyst pain. Lying down and standing up are just the worst. But sitting is....a little bit better than the worst. So I sleep sitting up. There are worse things. I'm just grateful to sleep at all. And hopefully the cyst will go away in the next couple of weeks. If not then I've got "a different issue." But my doctors are pretty certain that it'll go away. Here's hoping!

Other than the cyst, life is pretty great cancer-free and bag-free! I have developed kind of awful neuropathy in my feet that makes it really hard to walk, but thankfully my hands aren't so bad. I'd rather have bum feet than bum hands.

Also right now I'm watching "Half-Ton Mom" and I feel like as bad as some of my health things can get, at least I can stand and walk around. This poor woman is over 900lbs and hasn't moved from her bed in I don't know how long. That sounds miserable.

Anyway things are good. I'll try to post more often. Happy 2012 to everyone!

It's official

2011-12-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

I'm bag-free baby! I'm reacquainting myself with the restroom and we're getting along fine so far. I'm not quite used to not having the bag though. I notice every time I put my pants on I automatically adjust for the bag and then realize - wait, I'm free! And now my dog can sit on my lap without me having to worry that she'll squish my bag. Really anyone can sit on my lap now, but Lily was the most likely to take advantage of that offer. I do have a weird tan line where my bag was attached to my skin. I don't know how that happened since my belly never saw the light of day while I had ol' baggie attached. But whatever! What else? I can sleep an entire night- no getting up at 3am to empty an uncomfortably full bag. Life is great. And if anyone needs ostomy supplies I can hook you up; plenty of leftovers. :)

On a completely unrelated note, happy birthday to my dear brother-in-law! I'm glad you're part of the fam, and this year I hope we send out a Christmas card where your eyes are open. :) Love you!

The Hospital

2011-12-11T13:15:00.000-08:00

Wednesday I spent the day prepping for my last surgery! (assuming, of course, the cyst thing clears itself up). Prepping basically involves drinking only clear liquids and downing two bottles of magnesium citrate. I don't know if you've ever had to drink magnesium citrate but I hope for your sake that you haven't. It's not good. It's actually not that bad going down, but the aftertaste creates that involuntary shudder and once it's in your stomach it starts things moving and doesn't want to stay in there long. Ideally you end up having to go to the bathroom within about a half hour. But if you're my weak little stomach you will desire no part of the magnesium citrate and will promptly throw up the entire bottle of stuff. Luckily (?) I had to drink two bottles so I was counting on the second bottle to stay down and do all the work. And it was touch and go there but it all stayed down. Hooray!
So Wednesday I got no food. Thursday morning in we came to the hospital bright and early. Thankfully I was the first surgery of the day so even though I couldn't eat anything Thursday (not even gum!) it wasn't a big deal. I probably wasn't going to eat breakfast before 5am anyway. The surgery went swimmingly. They stuck my intestine back inside me and took the port-a-cath (technical term?) out of my chest and I was good to go. AND, wonder of wonders - I woke up without throwing up! It was a miracle. Thursday I was feeling pretty good. I ate some ice chips, sipped some water....things were alright.
Friday started out the same - clear liquid diet which was fine - I wasn't hungry anyway - and mostly just recovering from surgery (i.e. laying around). But then Friday afternoon my head started hurting something fierce. And I noticed that every time I pushed the little button for more pain medication I started to feel nauseated. So I stopped pushing it. But I kept feeling sicker and sicker. And soon enough I was puking my guts out.
Thankfully by Saturday morning I was feeling much better. And starving. I mean, I hadn't eaten anything "real" since Tuesday. And my last "real" meal was a vegan meal so that hardly counts. Unfortunately my doctors wanted to keep me on the clear liquid diet all day Saturday. So by late afternoon when Emily and Kyle came by with a burger and french fries I couldn't help myself. I ate some french fries. And then later I ate a snickerdoodle. And totally almost got caught. It was really close - I even had to spit out part of the cookie as the nurse was walking in. I guess I'm not the best patient ever.
So this morning my diet finally got changed - I could have real food! And it's been grand. Well, the eating part is grand. My insides haven't fully adjusted yet so they get pretty cramped up pretty immediately, but I'm grateful that despite the discomfort they seem to be working. And I don't have a bag anymore! Hallelujah! Instead I have a little tube sticking out that drains whatever fluids are in my belly needing to be drained. After having my intestine stuck to my belly, one little tube is not a big deal. I'll take it.
With a little bit of luck I'll be out of here by tomorrow morning! And it should be a lovely bag-free Christmas. :) My surgeon is the best.

Happy Birthday

2011-12-05T15:29:00.000-08:00

In a mere matter of days my little sister will be turning 30. I know what you're thinking "you're not old enough to have a younger sister that's 30!" You're right. I'm way too youthful for that. Well, actually now that I have had cancer I feel like I'm old enough to have a sister that age. I mean who gets colon cancer? Old people. And heavy drinkers. So, cheers everyone!

And in honor of her upcoming special day, here are 30 things you may not have known about dear old sis (I would've saved this for your ACTUAL birthday but since I'll be in the hospital and high on drugs that day I am not entirely secure in what 30 things would end up coming out of my brain):
1. Most people think she's older than me. Not because she looks older - well actually she DOES look more adult so it probably IS partly that - but she also has kids and I don't. So. She's often known around my apartment as "my older younger sister."
2. Her favorite singer when we were young was Billy Joel. I remember her showing me how to moonwalk to "Uptown Girl." But when you're 4 moonwalking is basically just walking backwards. So I picked up on the technique easily but I don't think it's all that accurate.
3. She still has an old school ipod. Like the ones that first came out. But I guess if it still works...
4. When we were kids I stuck a stick in her ear (my early days of wanting to be a doctor) and scratched her ear drum. I was pretty sure well into my adult life that this was the cause of her partial deafness. ....But it's not, right?
5. She tells her kids that my parents' dog is their dog that just lives at grandma's house so that they don't beg for a pet. So far it seems to be working.
6. She is a fantastic artist. Not, like, kinda good - like REALLY good. If I could show you some of the stuff she painted (or drew or watercolored or whatever) in high school I would.
7. I remember one Christmas when we were writing our letters to Santa and she just kept putting down everything I was putting down. It really bugged me so I wrote down "caterpillar" thinking she wouldn't be so bold as to put that down too - who would ACTUALLY want a caterpillar? - but she wrote that down too. She's gutsy like that.
8. She convinced me to go to BYU Hawaii with her one summer. I don't know why I needed convincing but that's beside the point. She met her husband, and I got a job working 4pm - midnight four days a week. So, good call there sis!
9. We took sign language classes together in high school and college. She was really good. I was okay. We used to have her sign stories and I would "interpret" them for all the hearing people. Sometimes I took liberties with what she was signing. I don't think she thought it was as funny as I thought it was.
10. I was there when her first child was born. I was the photographer but I stayed up near her head and only took very classy photos.
11. We went to outdoor school together. That was unusual only because it was the year they were transitioning from having outdoor school be in sixth grade to fifth grade. So both sixth and fifth graders went that year.
12. We had bunk beds when we were young. One night she was bugging me about something and when she dropped her head over the side of the top bunk to annoy me again I pulled on her sleeve and pulled her right off that bunk. She's never let me live it down.
13. We went on a family vacation to Hawaii sometime while she was dating her now-husband. It must've been near when they got engaged or shortly after it. All I remember is he wasn't on vacation with us and she was mopey without him the whole time. Psh. Crazy engaged folk.
14. We used to play duets on the piano. She had the harder parts because she was the better pianist. She's still the better pianist. I'm not even a pianist. That would be giving myself way too much credit.
15. She was there when I found out I passed the bar. I was at her house (which was right by my work) when I checked online. She was appropriately excited for me.
16. She and her husband got me my first law job. I now hope to spend every unemployed holiday at their house in hopes that it will happen again.
17. She loves licorice. Specifically Twizzlers.
18. She can quote movies with the best of them. Although I'm pretty sure now that most of her movie quotes come from Disney flicks.
19. We were on the same softball team growing up. She played 2nd base and I was shortstop and I always thought it was cool that we held down the middle of the infield.
20. When she was 14 she had a wheelchair for awhile. We liked to kick her out of it as often as possible and practice doing wheelies in it.
21. Despite living in almost constant pain from her stupid joints, she never ever complains. Ever. I've always thought that was amazing.
22. Her lung sometimes spontaneously collapses. She didn't realize that for awhile since she didn't go to the doctor because she figured she just had a cramp from being out of shape. I'm pretty sure she has a really high pain tolerance.
23. If I ever get to be a mom I want to be a mom like her. I think she's so good at it. She's patient, loving, firm, fun and supportive of her kids. And they're all great kids. My plan is to try and copy her someday.
24. She's awfully selfless. Despite having a family of her own, when I was in the midst of chemo and radiation treatments (because why not do both at once?) she came down and stayed with me for a week cooking and cleaning and taking me to my appointments. And she bought me donuts too. It was so great having her here. Both my roomie and I missed her a lot when she left!
25. She saves me from being set up with just any random available guy. I appreciate that she uses discernment and decides she's never going to subject me to going out with someone nicknamed "Dusty Buns."
26. She's an amazing photographer. I really think she could make money taking pictures if she wanted to.
27. She's a fantastic writer. Even writing stuff like thank you notes. People would call my parents to tell them what a nice thank-you note they received from her after her wedding. (People did that with my other siblings too. Thanks a lot guys - way to set the bar low. )
28. She's loyal to the end. If she's on your side she's ON. YOUR. SIDE. It's a fabulous trait to have in a sister and in a friend. I know if I ever need anything (even if it's someone to be mad with me) she's there.
29. She's beautiful. (Sometimes this is annoying).
30. She's the best sister anyone could ask for. It's been a fun 30 years knowing her and I'm grateful to have her in my life.

San Francisco

2011-12-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I put any pictures up in my posts. The reason for that is pretty simple: I don't take many pictures. Plus...how do you take a picture of cysts? Gross.

But now it's picture time. I only put a couple up though because I'm not sure my trip companions would approve of the other pictures. Not that we took pictures of anything sketchy - just that we're girls and they mentioned something about needing to approve the way they looked in pictures before the general public could see them.

The weekend before Thanksgiving (a wonderful time deserving of a post of its own although I don't know if that will ever actually happen), Amy and Tiffany and I went to San Francisco to celebrate Tiffany's birthday. It was a magical time. A time when we could appreciate mother nature and all her cold and rainy glory.

Really though it was fun. We did all the touristy things (well not ALL, but a lot of them) from Fisherman's Wharf to watching the seals off Pier 39 (that IS the right pier number, right?) to Ghiradelli Square (it's freezing outside and I didn't bring the appropriate jacket? Absolutely I'll have an ice cream sundae!) to Muir Woods. Walking through Muir Woods was awesome. And I must be a big baby because both Amy and Tiffany gave me the clothes off of their backs to try and keep me warm. So Amy's walking around in a dress, Tiffany has a sweatshirt, and I'm wearing a sweatshirt, Amy's sweater, Tiffany's jacket, Amy's mittens and hat and carrying the only umbrella (it was raining). Needless to say I was fine but I think Amy and Tiffany might have ended up with pneumonia afterward. Thanks for the clothes friends! :) Happy birthday Tiffany!

Of course we went down the crookedest street in the world. And then took a picture by it. And then looked it up on Google to see if it really was the crookedest street. It's not. But it's probably the most popular crooked street in the world. It was crazy to see how many people were just standing around taking pictures of it. So we joined in and got a picture. Why not?

We also hit up Coit Tower. It doesn't seem particularly tall when you're looking at it, but you can see all of San Francisco from the top. And when you look up you can see angels. Just kidding, all you can see is the sky. I don't know why we're looking up in this picture.

So our trip was fun. It was also nice for me because I had spent the whole week up north visiting Leah and her fam trying to get in good with my niece and nephews before they came down for Thanksgiving and played with the more fun aunts and uncles. It almost worked. But Laney and Chris are good. I can't compete with them!

Cysts? Really?

2011-12-01T13:29:00.001-08:00

Well I must say the effects of chemo are wearing off nicely. Besides having my toes and the tips of my fingers feel like they're semi-asleep-in-the-process-of-waking-up-pins-and-needles-like, things are going well! Can't complain. About cancer. Can't complain about cancer.

But since my organs seem to hate me, certainly it would be crazy to just feel well again. So where my intestines have finally started to simmer down, my ovaries have decided to take up the protest against being in my abdomen. What is with everybody in there?! Why can't we all get along? Anyway I don't know if I explained this before but back before I got all radiated the doctors decided to go ahead and move my ovaries up out of their usual spot so that they wouldn't die. Seemed like a nice plan. And I'm glad they did it. But apparently my ovaries don't like being up by my kidneys because one of them has revolted and instead of being its usual walnut size it has ballooned up into the size of my fist. And it's pushing against my kidney and causing a fair amount of pain. Boo! I guess ovarian cysts (that's the problem here) are fairly common - especially when you "transpose" ovaries. And a lot of cysts are painless and go away on their own. If only that was the case here! I mean, it may go away on its own (fingers crossed) but it has decided to make itself known in the meantime with all its stabby pain. It almost makes me miss cancer. Almost.

Anyway besides the constant cyst pain things are going swimmingly. And a week from today I have my last surgery! So close to being DONE done forever! I can't wait. I think I'll have to celebrate by getting a job. Ah the life of an adult. :)

Happy 11/11/11

2011-11-11T10:28:00.000-08:00

Well it's a few weeks out from my last chemo treatment and I am finally starting to feel like myself again! Now all I have to do is ditch the bag and I'll be good as new (minus almost a foot of my colon)! But seriously I'm almost done. And, most importantly, as of Tuesday's appointment with the oncologist, it's official: I'm cancer free! Woo hoo! I totally took down cancer. Being young (in cancer world) is awesome.

I think maybe the best part of being cancer free is being able to think again. Wait, no the BEST part is being alive, but the second best part is feeling like you get your brain back. It's a very weird feeling to not be able to think straight. Which is how I feel like I've spent the past year - not able to concentrate on things, taking forever to understand concepts (like how to play Dominion), and forgetting stuff all the time. But now I feel like my brain is starting to work again and it's fantastic. I was worried I might just forever be in a fog (who knows how those brain synapses work - I thought I might have lost them for good!), but I am happy to report that the synapses are starting to fire again. In fact I even played Dominion again and finally got it! I didn't have to ask inane questions or stare at my cards forever trying to get what they did - I just played! And I won! Woo hoo!

I'm also glad that the ADD feeling is going away. I had a hard time this last year concentrating on any given thing long enough to enjoy it (i.e. movies felt long and boring, I couldn't read anything for longer than a couple pages, I got bored with whatever task I was doing and wanted to move on even while feeling way too tired to actually move on), but now I can wait in lines for hours and be fine! I discovered this while waiting yesterday to get into the taping of the Conan show. We got to the studio at 1:30p and the taping didn't start until 4:30p. If this had happened during my chemo time I would've struggled. But yesterday I was totally fine standing around or sitting around eavesdropping on other peoples' conversations. For a good 20 minutes I learned all about the three guys behind me and their experiences with improv classes. They talked forever about scenes they did and different techniques they were learning. It's almost like I had a free lesson myself! I also learned it took one guy 7 months to find a job. That made me a little nervous because all too soon (after my last surgery) I'm going to need to find a job myself. What if no one will hire me for seven months?! Or longer?! I hate job hunting.

Anyway Conan was fun. It's the first show taping I've ever been to. Not that we haven't tried before. We have. This was our third time trying to get to a show and our first successful attempt. Third time's the charm! The first time we were stuck in traffic and ended up sitting at a dead stop on some side street forever as the time passed by. And we both agreed that that was the WORST traffic we've ever been in. Dead stop. Forever. It was horrible.

The second time we got to the show two minutes after the time you're supposed to show up and they wouldn't let us get in line. Literally two minutes late. And we were turned away.

But this time we were there plenty early and we made it in! Huzzah! Thank you Conan for an entertaining afternoon. And thank you chemo for having worked your way out of my body enough that I was able to enjoy the Conan experience. Good times living cancer free!

Oh, and happy Veteran's Day everyone! Enjoy your 11/11/11!

Dominion

2011-10-22T14:18:00.001-07:00

Does anyone play Dominion? I've played several times now and I'm terrible at it. You'd almost think I was trying to lose. That's how badly I do in comparison to everyone else playing. Last night there were four of us and in the third game I thought "finally I think I did alright - I'm quite sure I didn't win but at least I kept up." But no. My score of 56 paled in comparison to everyone else's 90s scores. What the crap?

I'd like to think that I could blame my poor performances on chemo - my brain just doesn't work like it used to - but I think I just don't get how to play the game. I need to practice in secret and then come back stronger. Like a panther. But I don't think I'll be able to do it. I seriously don't know what I'm doing wrong with that game. It's beyond my mental abilities. I guess I should stick to games at my level. Like Sorry and Candy Land. Totally get the strategy of those games: draw the right card/stack the deck in your favor. Next time I go to game night I'm bringing one of those with me.

I forgot to mention

2011-10-19T12:34:00.000-07:00

That when I came home from the treatment center my room was FILLED with balloons and there was a congratulatory banner across the walls welcoming me home. There were flowers and cards and I got a micromink blanket! Woo hoo! Coming home and seeing all the love made me feel like a million bucks which, as my friends know, I rarely feel like lately. I hover somewhere around $25 - $400,000 depending on the day. But a million bucks? That's a rarity.

Now it's been about a week and the balloons are still around. I wasn't sure what to do with them. Popping them seemed....mean. So I guess my option was to let them slowly run out of air or spontaneously pop on their own. OR I could take them all and put them in my little sisters' bathroom thus filling the room up to waist level. I decided on the latter. This way everyone gets to enjoy the surprise of a room full of balloons! Maybe it seems like re-gifting, but I'm pretty sure they loved it. They just held the love in behind feelings of "what the heck?" But really. Who doesn't love having to empty their bathroom of balloons in order to use said bathroom early in the morning before seminary? Just spreading the love.

The day after

2011-10-14T16:39:00.001-07:00

I'm done! Well, done with the transfusions. Still got about two weeks of chemo pill taking ahead of me. But still that's one major hurdle down!

So today is the day after transfusion day. I gotta say I was not looking to sitting in that little treatment center at ALL. I knew it meant the end of the line but it still felt like another opportunity to get sick again and what psycho looks forward to THAT? Not this one! But I WAS looking forward to the days following the transfusion in which I would start to feel better knowing I wouldn't have to go back there and get shot up again! And so far it's been good. I didn't throw up on my way home (which was lucky because this time I had a doctor's appointment right after my transfusion and I didn't want to throw up in the waiting room of his office), and I haven't thrown up yet! My hands and feet so far are doing alright and my sore jaw is sore but not as bad as it has been in the past. Basically this last transfusion has not been the worst one (knock on wood) and I am so grateful for that!

Then again I did sleep through most of yesterday and today (I sleep like a rock right now) so that's one good way to avoid any unpleasant side effects. I only wake up for my mom to feed me my pills and some food and a couple times I've tried to watch TV (fell asleep both times). So mostly I spend my time letting my body recover however it wants to. And in response it (my body) treats me fairly nicely; no big puking sessions or the like.

How's everyone else? Days been good? I hope so. Happy Friday to you all.

I have nothing to say today.

2011-10-10T09:38:00.001-07:00

Alright I admit it. I'm not good at keeping up the blog. It's been almost three weeks and I know that because I can measure my time out by treatments (helpful!) and last time I posted was somewhere around treatment #5. And it's almost time for the last one! I feel like I should be more excited. I think I'll be excited once I'm not feeling that sick anymore from the treatment, but right now it's hard to get amped up to get sickly again. But soon enough I'll be done with it and well on my way to touching anything cold that I want to whenever I want! Maybe I'll start eating ice cream with my fingers! Just because! ....Probably not though. Too sticky. I'll stay with just grabbing stuff out of the fridge willy-nilly. Drinking Jamba Juice! Eating bagels! Okay bagels aren't necessarily cold but I'd really like to eat one right now.

In the meantime I've been working with my partner to get our stuff written (it's taken long enough with this whole cancer thing going on in the background. Or the foreground.) and otherwise enjoying my time away from Xeloda and Oxaliplatin. My two frienemy drugs. (is that how you spell "frienemy?" Or is it just "frenemy?" Whatever.)

The point is nothing too exciting has happened and I therefore haven't updated my blog. But I should probably stop thinking about blogging as a way to report events and start thinking about it as a place to just say whatever I want. Freeeeeedommmmm! So lets see, is there anything I want to talk about? Blast. There's not. Guess that wraps this baby up!

Five down, one to go

2011-09-26T16:05:00.000-07:00

I made it through treatment #5! I was worried about it; can't say as I ever get excited about my next treatment even though I know each one gets me closer to the end. Still the thought of getting stabbed, sitting in the chair for a couple hours having poison poured into my bloodstream, and then getting up feeling all kinds of woozy and cold and weird usually wins out over the thought "one more down!"

But now, days later, the "one more down" is starting to sink in a little more. They lowered my dosage a little bit this round which I think contributed to my hands and feet feeling a little less sensitive (i.e. they didn't hurt as soon as we got in the cold hallway). But it didn't seem to lessen the nausea. It was odd - I didn't feel that ill feeling of "I have to throw up" but I did have an objective feeling of "yes, I will throw up shortly." I managed to hold it in until we were on the freeway when it just couldn't be helped. And since I didn't have much to throw up in (we did find a plastic bag) I managed to make a mess of my clothes and my car. Whoops! I bet my mom was glad I offered to take MY car instead of her car like we usually do! A quick stop at a gas station to clean up and try to puke anything else that might be lingering up and we were on our way again.

Nothing like throw up stories on blogs.

Since then I've felt much better; no throwing up! The side effects are what they are (as usual) and I can manage to sleep the better part of the day away and think nothing of it, but as long as the toxins are killing off what they're supposed to then so be it. I'll take the side effects if it means I get to live!

Today I ate ice cream

2011-09-19T17:34:00.000-07:00

The title really says it all. There's nothing like a little chemo to make you appreciate the finer things in life. Like eating ice cream. Usually (read: for the two and a half weeks following each treatment) I can't touch or ingest anything cold. I've said that before - I think everyone gets the point by now. But not being able to eat anything cold means you give up a lot of deliciousness. Mainly ice cream and Jamba Juice. But today I was able to eat ice cream! For the first time since my 2nd treatment (the cold thing never wore off after the third treatment)! And it was just as good as I remembered it.
Tomorrow I'm going to have a Jamba Juice. Gotta live this up while I can 'cause come Thursday we're back in the chemo saddle (boo and yay - almost done!). But don't worry Mom - other than the daily cold thing I'm going to have, I'll try to eat healthy like I told you I would. Gotta keep those red blood cells and white blood cells up!

Dreaming

2011-09-12T18:24:00.000-07:00

All the sleeping I've been doing has led to some amazing dreams. I usually dream about stuff related to my day. They're usually good dreams, they're just...not crazy. But now on chemo they're crazy. In a very entertaining way. I often wake up thinking "I just dreamed what would be a great movie." But once awake I realize that sleepy me doesn't make wise, rational, or logical decisions.

Like once I had a dream about a fat girl who was sister to the two main characters in my dream and her name was Lorna Doone and I thought that was BRILLIANT! Or the time I dreamed I was playing soccer (quite well really) in a vanilla ice cream field covered in whip cream. It was like playing in snow except I was really tempted to eat the snow/ice cream. But I didn't because of the same reason you don't eat food off the ground (unless you just dropped it): society frowns on you.

I should start writing my dreams down here as soon as I wake up because I think they're pretty good. But maybe making them accessible to the public would show me that they're not actually good. And I would stop making plans to make money off writing scripts based on my dreams. Because the other thing is I don't dream whole movies although I think I do while it's happening. I wake up thinking "I have a whole story!" only to realize "wait, I have a scene in which my sister-in-law is getting a lifetime award for cheerleading and is suspended above the ground on wires."

Anyway I am grateful for this side effect of chemo because at least it's a fun one!

Round 4 Down

2011-09-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

Since the advent of the two additional anti-nausea medications, I am happy to report that I don't usually feel like throwing up. Of course the sentiment hits me on occasion, but for the greater part of the day that's not something I'm left dealing with. Which is great.

My newest struggle is to stay awake. My little cocktail of drugs I take (to weather the chemo) really knocks me out. I've never slept so soundly in my life (and I consider myself a fairly sound sleeper)! Just yesterday my mom would wake me up and ask me if I wanted to eat (which I never do but I need to in order to take the chemo pills), and I said yes and as she got up to get me some food I promptly fell asleep again. Like OUT asleep. Where you have to shake someone to wake them up. That happened three times in a row. Finally around 11pm I pulled it together enough to be awake by the time my food got to me.

Other than the sleepiness I'm alright. There's the general malaise feeling of being sick and, of course, the mittens I sport since I can't touch anything cold. Including silverwear. That stuff is icy! But it's all the same stuff as before so now it's just a matter of puttering through. Taking the licks as they come and hoping the days go by quickly. And trust me, when you sleep through most of them, they go by quickly.

I'm still dreading rounds 5 and 6 since all these side effects are cumulative and they don't seem to be getting any easier, but hopefully I'll just sleep right through those too and call it good. :) Because come mid-October I should be doing great again! Or at least good again! And I surely cannot wait for that.

So long, farewell...

2011-08-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day in NC. Well, assuming the hurricane doesn't wreck my flight plans. I think it'll probably all work out fine. Any ideas for what I should do on my last day? I thought of getting souvenirs from North Carolina as if I've lived here for months and I need to show off to people what it's like to have been where I've been. But I don't really know what souvenir represents my experience here. Should I bring home a jar of mist and say it's the humidity? Have some? Also, when you're in a place like this I don't know where you find shops for souvenirs. Maybe I should just go to the Bass Pro Shop. I've passed it a couple times in my travels and it looks HUGE from the outside. In fact I think there's something about "world" in the sign. Like "Bass Pro Shop Outdoor World" or something. Anyway the sheer size makes me think maybe it's indicative of what life is like out here; lots of outdoorsy stuff - hunting, fishing, buying nifty camping gear. Actually as I'm thinking about it maybe I really WILL go over there today. Except I bet the place is full of dead animals. Nevermind, I probably won't go over there.

Today is my last day of going on set. So far my set experience has been good. Except it was a little embarrassing last night when I was leaving and talking to my dad I was mentioning how (judging on the scene I had just been watching) it was a good thing they had such good actors because it's a lot more likely this movie is actually going to be good. Only to have my dad turn around and say hello to Woody Harrelson who had been walking right behind us. He said he didn't hear me though so I think I'm in the clear. ....Then again he's an actor so maybe he was faking the whole "I don't eavesdrop" thing.

And first on the agenda today (well third - behind breakfast and showering) will be packing (more like re-packing) my suitcase. It's big enough it does look like I've been here for a month. But no, it's just been a matter of days. Or weeks. Whatever. I hate re-packing. And I hate unpacking. But packing for the first time - like when you're getting ready to go somewhere - doesn't bother me. Re-packing to go home is like work. You have to take everything out, re-fold stuff, figure out how to separate the dirty clothes from tainting the clean ones, fit in souvenirs, etc. What a pain!

Oh well, I still say the trip was worth any re-packing that has to be done. I'll be sad to leave my dad behind but I don't feel too bad for him - just a couple more weeks and then he's done and gets to go to the BYU game in Texas with the rest of the men in the family (there aren't that many of them but it's still a minor miracle that they're all in on this trip). All in all, you've been hot and humid, but good to me North Carolina. Maybe I'll see you again around Thanksgiving.

U.S. National Whitewater Center

2011-08-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned before, we went on a few athletic adventures while in NC. The first of which was to go whitewater rafting. I had to sit that one out since my hands and feet were still so sensitive to cold that being in the water would make them feel like they were being stabbed. I don't know for certain, but I'm fairly positive that would make for an unpleasant rafting trip. Dropped oars, grimace faces, howling in pain - that sort of thing. Maybe even screams of "don't let it touch me! don't let it touch me!!" I can only imagine the carnage. Anyway I decided to be the photographer. I only have a point and shoot camera so I do what I can but I make no promises.

So far so good....

You may not be able to tell but that's the family raft there in that rapid. That's right before mom and Delaney were ousted. And Bryn was practically a goner though she was saved by her brother after (according to sources in the boat) a look of "is anyone going to stop this from happening?!"

And here we see that the raft didn't quite make it after a different rapid. Everybody out! Floating down in front we have most members of my family. To the right we have a perfectly fine raft laughing at our family's misfortune.

We also took on some rock climbing. Of course I sat this one out too but not because my hands or feet are sensitive. Mostly because I have no muscles and would not be able to pull my body up any sort of wall. Even a ladder is sketchy. Lets not get into walls that jut out parallel to the ground. No thank you.

The boys navigating the hard wall

We also indulged in a little zip lining. I took part in this activity. After all, sitting in a sling and zipping over rafters and other bits of nature is just up my alley.

Looking good pre-helmets.

You may be asking "why did she put on a baby's helmet?" She didn't. That's a regular adult helmet. Her head is just that big.

I guess it's just a family thing: large heads that make our helmets look ridiculous. Not so for the in-laws: their helmets actually fit over the portion of their head they're supposed to. Nice job in-laws. Give those grandkids a fighting chance.

There was also some more calm still water kayaking. Again, hands and feet kept me lounging in the sun by the dock.

Sure they all look like friends now but you'd better believe there was a mud war.

Sometimes an oar just doesn't do the trick and you want to paddle with your hands for maximum efficiency. ...I mean, that's probably what Hannah's doing here.....

Done for the day.

Bowling

2011-08-21T03:04:00.000-07:00

My technique is lacking

A number of my friends participated in a bowling league this summer. I refrained, not because I'm above bowling (I'm probably below it), but because the league started fairly soon after my last surgery and I wasn't allowed to lift anything over 5lbs. And the lightest bowling ball was 6lbs. "What's 1lb?" you say? Well when you're running up and heaving it down a lane I think the velocity of the ball and stuff makes it heavier. At least that's the story I'm going with.

Anyway I thought that perhaps as the weeks went by I could be a substitute on any one of the three bowling teams should someone be absent and should the team be looking for an average-ability level bowler. Thankfully none of them were. Because as I learned yesterday bowling here in North Carolina with the fam, I am not an average ability level bowler. I am far below average.

We went to a bowling alley that time forgot. It looked straight out of 1969 and smelled like your grandma's house if your grandma still lives in the house she raised all her kids in. There was nothing flashy about the place (well, except for orange the carpeted walls), and all scoring had to be done by hand. On paper. With a pencil. That had no eraser.

They did have projectors, like perhaps at one time - in their hey-day (is it "hay day?") - they had transparencies that you could keep score on and then project the scores up on the wall above the lanes in some modern new-fangled way to be hip. But they put that time behind them and went back to good ol' fashioned paper and pencil.

I'd like to think that perhaps my bowling failure could be chalked up to my brother's poor score keeping skills. But between the fact that he's an accountant and my score only changed by one or two pins every time I rolled the ball, I'm pretty sure his math was solid. It was my bowling that wasn't solid.

We bowled two games and in the second game by the time I had bowled five frames my score was 18. Five frames. Half of a game. And I wasn't even to 20. And I wasn't trying to be funny either and bowl all crazy like "whatever guys - I don't care, I don't bowl for reals, I only bowl to try different amusing techniques!" That was just how bad I was at bowling.

So good thing I never subbed on anyone's bowling team this summer. Because when you're lucky to break 80, no one wants you on their team. ...But on the plus side people do like bowling with you because no matter how they did, at least they did better than you. (Except if you're Delaney - heh heh heh).

North Carolina

2011-08-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

I've been out here with the fam for a little under a week now. And you'll be happy to know that I made it the whole plane ride over without throwing up! It was a miracle! In fact I didn't throw up at all until the other day when we had lunch on the set and I ate too much chicken and just couldn't keep it all down. Throwing up in a giant room with a bunch of people you don't know is never ideal but I made the most of it (I think) and managed to wait until my mom ran and grabbed me a trash can before I really let loose. And, in my defense, I turned my back to the masses. Still, I feel bad for the people walking back to work watching me retch. Because they were probably thinking "I just ate that too. Sickening."

ANYWAY. Besides that snafu, I've managed to be more or less fine on this trip! The nausea is under control, I rest as often as possible, and I only once felt like I avoided a serious fainting head dive into the putting green we were playing on. In other words: one narrowly avoided fainting spell (everything went black and I lurched for a bench but I made it and staved off conking out completely) and one puking incident and I am rolling along like a champ. Sometimes though I forget that just because I don't want to throw up doesn't mean the other side effects aren't in full force. I have to try to take it easy which isn't easy when you just want to be on vacation and play. But the good news is even in my "easy" state I'm having fun.

We've done all kinds of things on our trip: raced go-karts, played lazer tag, went to the movies, watched a double header minor league baseball game (and ordered fried pickles), went whitewater rafting, rock climbing, kayaking, ziplining and some of us even did a "mega jump" (i.e. a controlled free fall from however many stories up). We've also played some billiards and used the putting green at the hotel, and of course we daily go over to the set for free lunch/dinner and to watch them shoot a little of whatever scene they're on. So yes. North Carolina has been great. And I'm glad to be here!

Before I fall back asleep

2011-08-13T16:39:00.000-07:00

I would just like to say that the Emend team of champions is working! I do not have the urgent need to throw up all of my insides! It is wonderful. And gives me a lot of hope for my upcoming travels (since they start tomorrow). Hooray!

On the flip side, the Ativan/Baclophan team is also doing it's job if it's job is to knock me out 23 of the 24 hours of the day. I don't mind it - sleepy time is not puking time - but it's a very odd sensation to feel like your body's all heavy and you shuffle around bumping into walls and stuff for balance. Even right now I woke up and realized someone had braided half of my head. I don't know when that happened. But I'll take it.

When I'm out I'm OUT. Last night I tried to watch Secretariate (sp?) with my mom and grandma but couldn't even stay awake through the exciting race parts. My mom would slap my foot and say "they're about to race!" and I would lurch awake and blink rapidly trying to keep my eyes open but....those races are long. Like a mile or something. I didn't fare so well.

The important thing is that when I'm awake I feel alright. Not good. Not illness free. But okay. And "okay" is waaaay better than last time! So thanks for all the prayers everyone - they are working!!!

Drug Wars

2011-08-11T18:57:00.000-07:00

Today was my third round of chemo. I'm pretty sure there are some major battles going on in my body. And I'm just sort of chilling on the outskirts waiting to see who wins what battles. First of all my poor little white blood cells have lost numbers so they're doing what they can but most of them have succumbed to the slaughter. I asked the nurse today if there was anything I could do to boost their moral (and numbers) and she said she heard mushrooms help but she was skeptical because she couldn't see how ingesting a fungus would help fungal-fighting cells to bounce back.

Anyway so the red blood cells have taken a hit in numbers too. But to make up for it the ones that are left are all a little fat. That's not a joke. I'm low on most things, but the width of my white blood cells is high. I KNEW I had Samoan in my blood.

So my immune system is battling against the Oxaliplatin and Xeloda - the two chemo drugs who are fighting against any cancer cells remaining in my body. Everyone's on the same side but...it's like we have some intra-rivalries going on: the enlisted soldiers don't like the calvary or something like that. (I don't know enough about the military to make coherent analogies. But I know if I had to walk around and there were guys that got to ride horses I'd probably not like those guys. Even if they were on my side.)

The Oxaliplatin and Xeloda are my offensive team (moving to sports analogies?). They're a little brutal but all about getting their job done. The problem is the leave a wake of terror behind them. So, to clean up their mess I have a defensive lets-keep-you-functional-or-at-least-close-enough-that-you-can-fake-functional team. This team is comprised of Emend, Zofran, Compazine, Ativan and Baclophen (sp?). So many drugs. Coursing through my (apparently semi-empty) veins.

I'll tell you what. Team defense is doing a great job today. I don't feel nauseated! Which is a VAST improvement over this time last round where I had already puked up everything I'd eaten. Unfortunately team offense is not JUST about trying to get me to throw up; it messes with my muscles and sensitivity to cold and ability to feel my brain connected to my body (don't worry - I'm not allowed to drive or operate heavy machinery in my current state). I'm sitting here typing in mittens because my fingers are ever ready to welcome that cold pins and needles feeling that renders them useless. Knife too cold to hold to cut the chicken? Nice try hands. I'll get you some mittens. Keep working.

My muscles spasm all over which is totally fine - if not weird - but the bad part is my hands are all shakey. So trying to feed myself means I get three of the ten peas on my fork into my mouth. And holding cups up to my mouth to drink has the edges rattling around against my teeth. So I guess the point of this trial is to have a bit of empathy for people over 80? No more pointing and laughing when they can't get a forkful of peas in their mouth. Now I've been there too. Fist bump old people. I get you now.

I think maybe the Ativan has kicked in. What am I even talking about? ...And is it alright that everything goes dark when I sit up straight or stand? And the darkness lingers for a bit before clearing up? That's just there to make my life more interesting, right?

Hope tomorrow is as fun as today! (Today I slept for....I don't know - a LOT of the day and it was grand). As long as all my anti-nausea team keeps working I'm going to be a happy camper! With mittens.

The good

2011-08-01T21:12:00.001-07:00

Is beginning again! The nausea (at least the worst of it) has passed and now it's just a matter of dealing with crazy exhaustion (oxymoron?). I've laid low and enjoyed it. Of course there are some drawbacks. Like the fact that nothing is on TV in the middle of the day. But it did inspire me to sit down at the piano for a minute and try to remember (because sight reading is apparently not going to happen) how to play. I met marginal success. But really if in the end I can't decide if the reason the song sounds wrong is because I'm hitting the wrong notes or because the piano is out of tune, I'm probably not about to enter any talent competitions. At least not any that I could win. Or even place in.

Right now we're watching "Supernatural" because Hannah's friend gave her all the seasons and I guess we ran out of acceptable things to watch so here we are. So far what I gather is that a lot of people die in this show (extras), the brothers fight all the time but always make up, and demons are burned by holy water. I suppose Hannah gets to pick some of what we watch because she IS an invalid right now but this does seem a little excessive. She's not THAT hurt. It was only extensive surgery.

The last couple of days when food has sounded good again I've really wanted two things: a cold drink (which I can't have yet, so still waiting on that one) and tortellini in alfredo sauce. So tonight I made some alfredo sauce! And, if I do say so myself, it was quite delicious. If that's not a sure sign I'm doing better I don't know what is.

I want a cast iron stomach for Christmas

2011-07-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

So I emailed my oncologist to tell him I was frequently throwing up - just to make sure that it was normal and not a bad thing. There's a list of things that you're supposed to contact your doctor about if they happen and I was pretty sure not being able to keep anything in me (especially those all important liquids...oh and the drugs) was one of them. So when I asked "is it alright that I'm throwing up daily? I don't have a fever" (their biggest concern I feel), he responded "yah, no, daily vomiting is bad."

Not bad enough that I have to go to the hospital or anything (although I feel like I might like an IV juicing me up with fluids), but just not necessary. So he upped my anti-nausea meds and told me they should help me get through the next few days. And he was right! For about 36 hours. And then I ventured out of my normal fare of late (read: mashed potatoes, apple sauce, water and ensure or protein shakes warmed up to be more like hot chocolate when my mom can force me) and tried to eat a "real" dinner. And it was delicious. Up until it all came back out. Boo!

I think my stomach is just being weak. C'mon stomach - get it together! Motion sickness was bad enough, and now this?! Fickle fickle!

I feel like the next thing on the list (of things my stomach can't handle) will be exotic or adventurous foods. I'm not much of an adventurous eater anyway, but now I bet if I tried something outside my known palate my stomach would reject it. My stomach is determined to make me the most boring person ever: no roller coasters, no leaving bed when you're sick, and next up - no trying interesting foods. Boo stomach!

Ah, nieces and nephews

2011-07-26T07:43:00.001-07:00

The past couple of days my niece and nephews have been here. I always love having them around - they crack me up. And thankfully, while I don't think they really get how sick I am, they don't try to jump on me or come wake me up in the morning by poking my eyes or anything. But they do ask why I don't participate more in the family activities. I had this exchange with my 4 year old nephew as he was sitting in the pool yesterday:

Him: I wish you could come swim with us. But you didn't bring your suit did you.
Me: No, I left my suits at my apartment.
Him: Why did you do that?
Me: Because none of them fit me anymore.
Him: Then why do you still have them?
Me: ....Good question....

He also asked me why I'd been in the same bed ALL DAY LONG. And didn't I want to get up already??

But despite the inquiries into why I'm a bump on a log, he DID put on a blanket as a cape and ran around like a superhero doing helpful things for me. He'd race in, ask how he could help, and then grab whatever I was carrying and carry it for me to my final destination (which was basically all the help he COULD give me - I don't do much).

Having those kids around makes me happy.

Now if I can only get my other married siblings to give me more nieces and nephews.... heh heh heh!

Round 2 (ding ding ding ding!)

2011-07-24T18:29:00.000-07:00

Okay round one of this stretch of chemo was no fun. I felt super sick which is the one thing I hate feeling the most (although this "most" thing does tend to change with whatever fun side effect I am currently enduring). But this round two puts round one to shame. And it makes me super nervous about how things are going to be come round six. Yikes stripes, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" never felt so apt!

I've spent the last four days mostly laying in bed. Occasional attempts to be normal and walk around, shower, visit with friends, etc. have all been met with puking sessions. So I've decided to accept that I don't get to be normal for the week and embrace my new found ability to throw up at the drop of a hat. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I could throw up at any time - it's really a matter of will power keeping it all down most of the time. And sometimes will power loses out to chemo and up come the little contents of my stomach.

The other side effects - super painful jaw anytime I start chewing, or even just swallowing, tight/lump in my throat making drinking undesirable, pins in my hands and feet painful enough to render them useless if they get just a little bit cold, muscle spasms all over, and intense pain behind my eyes any time I yawn or well up (you'd better believe I'm trying to avoid anything that might make me cry) - are also unpleasant. Uncomfortable. You know. Basically the way it goes when you're undergoing treatment for cancer. Oh, and my voice is all weird. I guess chemo can do that to you (or so said my oncologist)?

But the constant feeling of wanting to puke your guts out? Ugh. The worst.

Thankfully I am under the watchful, and ever loving, eye of my mother and my two youngest sisters and they are doing a superb job of taking care of me. Superb. And Jenn and Ammon massaged my head and feet last night after I threw up so really....best friends and family ever. I am really grateful to be at my parents' house. I wish I didn't have to impose on people like this, but I'm glad that they don't make it feel like an imposition. Thanks family!

Exercising?

2011-07-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

Unless you count the time I went on a bike ride and kind of wanted to die, I'm pretty sure I haven't exercised in...7 months. Between the surgeries and treatments and whatnot there just weren't many days I felt like doing it. Lately though (i.e. the two months in between the last surgery and the start up of chemo again) I think I've just avoided it because I'm still getting used to the bag. I DO have a nifty little "stealth belt" which is supposed to make the bag secure for sporting endeavors (including water skiing!), but I guess I still don't trust my little bag to stay in place while I'm running around being sporty. So I mostly don't exercise. Once in awhile I'll walk around more than usual (like random pacing?), or do a few fake push-ups (okay that only happened once and I think I only managed 5), but mostly I try to hold as still as possible and not upset the bag. You get burned by ol' baggie a few times and you learn to respect whatever baggie wants.

That said, after the first treatment and feeling pretty crummy, these last few days I've started to feel like my old self again. And my old self used to like to go play volleyball on Wednesday nights. So my newly feeling good self decided to strap on the stealth belt (also supposedly helpful in case you want to "get intimate") and go be like my old self.

It was great to be doing something again, but honestly quite a pathetic showing. Most pathetic of all was realizing that my vertical is now 2". That's not an exaggeration. I could barely get my fingertips over the net when trying to jump as high as possible. Which was awkward when I would get set the ball and would try to jump and hit it and would over-estimate how much time I thought I would be in the air. Never good when you jump, land almost immediately, and then hit the ball.

I didn't even try blocking. Occasionally I'd stick an arm up there like I was something to be afraid of, but I'm pretty sure all the hitters just ignored those little fingers poking over the net and hit the ball wherever they wanted to. One time I actually grazed the ball as it was coming over and excitedly yelled out "TOUCH!" but I'm pretty sure my team was not impressed with my ability to touch the ball and yet have no impact at all on it's trajectory or speed.

Next time, next time.

Also, turns out you use your quads in volleyball. Many of you volleyball players may not have noticed this because you have quad muscles and so it's no big thing to be semi-squatting a lot. But if you're me and you lost all your muscles somewhere between January and now (they abandon you so quickly), trying to call them back to activity - even church level - means you'll end up awfully sore the next day. So. Pathetic. And also, if you're not used to smacking the ball with your hand, or absorbing the hits off of guys, then the next day all you have to do is run your hand over your little radiuses (radii?) and your whole arm will feel like a giant bruise.

I'm totally hard core.

I miss limbo

2011-07-07T23:42:00.001-07:00

It has begun. The good news is I am currently on the upswing part of the week - so every day I feel a bit better. I mean today I even had an appetite, ate and didn't want to throw up right after! Woo hoo! Win!

So last Thursday was my first infusion (injection? I don't know what it's supposed to be called.) and it was an interesting experience. Sitting in the room with everyone else, all of us with our IVs in, looking around wondering who's sicker than you, appreciating that you're young enough to walk around still...good times. I did sit there for long enough that I had to get up to go to the bathroom at one point so they unplug the IV from the wall (it has a battery so it still works - don't worry) and you take it with you to the bathroom. The last time I had to carry a pole with a bunch of IV bags and whatnot hanging off it was when I was in the hospital and could only shuffle around like I was 80, so this time it was kind of great to be able to jump up (and be wearing real clothes as opposed to the flowy hospital "gown" - more like a sheet with snaps to create an arm hole and strings to tie behind your neck - just what you want to be wearing when you're walking up and down public hallways) and prance over to the restroom no big deal.

The actual infusion experience wasn't so bad. My chair was comfortable, my mom was there to watch Bones on Netflix with me, I didn't feel sick while I was sitting there - all in all not too bad. I met probably the 5th social worker since being diagnosed (they are everywhere and always eager to help you out, which is nice) - I don't know how they always know when you're new to the next phase but they do and they come to talk to you. It's kind of impressive.

A couple hours after the infusion things started getting worse. And by the next day I felt like crap. That lasted for a few days. Juuuust long enough to make me miss out on all the delicious goodies of Independence Day. Yes, I'm still bitter about it. I think I'm always bitter about missing out on holiday food. Holiday food is the best! Though, on the plus side, I am now lighter than what my driver's license says. And that license weight hasn't been true since...I don't even know when. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

But besides missing out on delicious all-American food - including ice cream which I LOVE - (actually I did try to eat the ice cream. It probably wasn't smart. I can't eat cold things so I tried to let it melt - with the help of some hot fudge - but even in it's soupy state it was cold enough to trigger the throat tightening which sucked), the 4th of July was fabulous. We played on the beach, I got to see my niece and nephews (and their parents who I also like), we sang patriotic songs and watched fireworks. What more could you want? There was a sand castle building contest, ultimate frisbee, body boarding, laying out... and like any good cancer patient undergoing chemo would, I spent the entire time on the beach in a t-shirt, jeans, socks AND shoes lounging in the shade of various umbrellas. Yep. I'm the cool kid.

Anyway. Gotta enjoy the next week and a half before the bad part of chemo cycles back around. Happy July everyone!

Chemo limbo

2011-06-27T08:32:00.001-07:00

So I'm still waiting to hear when I can get in the IV transfusion rotation. Maybe it was smart of the doctors to keep me waiting like this because now in my mind it's gone from "this sucks" to the anticipation of "I hope they'll take me!"
Kind of feels like I'm trying to get into college or something.

Anyway in the meantime it's been a couple weeks now of the daily pills. So far it hasn't been too bad. It's only been in the last couple of days that I've started to feel the effects. Thankfully I still have something of an appetite so when Ammon and Drew (and Bonzai) made a delicious family Sunday dinner last night (and Evan set the table very nicely - I was the only one who laid on the couch in the fetal position like a loser) I was able to partake and even enjoy! I'm usually okay to eat - it's only afterward that I feel less than stellar.

But you know a good way to feel better? Play card games after dinner and win. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Okay it doesn't really help with the sickness feeling but it does help with the ego)

This last Saturday (subject change) I got to see most of my family (Dad and sister #2 were out of state and thus out of attendance) at a rockin' pool party. I myself didn't do any swimming; I've decided that though my bag friend SHOULD be okay in the water I just don't really want to test it unless I really really really want to swim. And the only time I want to swim that badly is when it's over 100 degrees outside. Which it wasn't this last weekend. So I laid poolside (and by "laid" I mean "sat in a chair in the shade") and enjoyed snacks, family bonding, and the antics of nieces and nephews. Those kids are hilarious.

The moral of the story is, I haven't gotten to REALLY start my last 18 weeks of chemo (I'm only counting the start from whenever I get the first IV dose since I don't get to stop until I've survived 18 weeks of that), but things have still been pretty good.

Hannah Got Married!

2011-06-17T13:16:00.000-07:00

So this week, on a Monday, Hannah took the proverbial plunge and got married. It was awesome. And I think she was smart to get married on a Monday - then you can see who your REAL friends are if they come to witness your nuptials. ;)

I would've taken more pictures but my camera died. But hey, you get the idea.

Easily the highlight of the evening. Alex and Hannah sang "Alone" by Heart. Trust me, if my camera would've zoomed without dying I'd have a better picture than this. I feel kind of sad for anyone who didn't get to witness it in person. Hilarious.

Of course there was a pre-cake cutting battle with knives. Pretty sure Hannah won.

Sorry Amy that I mostly cut your head off in this....

The bride in all her glory. Love the dress!

Congratulations you guys!

Let the chemo begin

2011-06-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile and I don't really have a good excuse for that. And I know that's true because whenever someone asks me what I've been up to I think about it for a minute and have to conclude..."nothing really." And when they respond "Nothing? So what does that entail?" I have to explain that it really means...nothing. I don't know. I cannot account for my time. Although I was thinking about it this morning and I decided that the best explanation for it is to say that whatever it is you do every night when you get home from work - that's what I do, only I do it in the daytime. And then in the night time I talk to my roommates (the actual one and the psuedo one), watch SYTYCD, occasionally go out, debate what to eat for dinner, etc. Not much to report on, you know?

Anyway it's time to catch everyone up on the treatment plan! What? You thought it was all over because they took the tumor out? Oh-ho-ho-ho-no. No, we're only MOSTLY done. And by "mostly" I mean...just over halfway.

So I got my little bag buddy (he's been much better lately, thank you for asking) and we're just starting to embark on Chemo part II. This time around I don't have to do radiation again (yay!) but instead we'll be doubling up on the chemo (boo). So basically I'll have to take the pills every day (six a day - eww), and then every few weeks I'll go in and have them stick an IV in my handy little port (which is in my chest right under my skin - feels like a little knob in there) and shoot me up with more chemicals for a few hours. Sounds like a party, right?

I've already started the pills again, but due to an unfortunate snafu in my doctor's office's scheduling abilities they didn't get me in the rotation as I had hoped. I was supposed to start the IV chemo last Tuesday but that didn't happen. I'm still waiting to hear when my start date for that will be. On the one hand I don't mind having a few more days of not feeling TOO sick, but on the other hand I'd really really like to get this thing started so that I can get it over with and get rid of this bag! I've got a total of 18 weeks to get through from the start of the first IV, so...the sooner it starts the better. If I can get through that then it's just one more month of healing up and then I get to have my LAST SURGERY (fingers crossed) and get my small intestine put back inside me where it belongs! As much fun as the bag has been, I'll be oh-so-happy to see it go.

I hear (from my doctor) that once I start doubling up on the chemo the side effects are going to intensify. Can't wait to see what THAT'S going to be like. Don't worry - when it happens I'll tell you all about it. :)

Bless your large intestine

2011-05-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

There is a reason we have large intestines. And it is so they can absorb all that stomach acid on the inside before it touches any of your outsides.

It's probably there for other reasons too, but lately that one has been coming to mind most keenly. Because let me tell you what - that stomach acid will burn away your flesh. At least, it has to mine and it is not fun. Nor is it pretty. Well, it's a little pretty. Very pink and colorful. But still. My skin is supposed to be pale white (at least on my belly)! Not pretty pink. I took a picture of my stoma last night and the poor poor raw flesh around it but I don't know if I should really post it here. It's pretty gross looking. Tell you what, if you really want to see it let me know and I'll send it to you. You sicko. (Just kidding - if I were you I'd totally want to see it. But I might regret it after viewing.)

Anyway I could live with the semi-constant burning sensation on my stomach if I knew it was just a little pain and not actually harming my skin. But seeing the skin (or lack thereof) makes me sad. Poor skin, I wish I was protecting you better.

So bless your large intestine. It may not always agree with you, but trust me, it's a good thing it's working.

Good news, bad news

2011-05-10T11:28:00.000-07:00

Well the good news is I'm out of the hospital, I can walk, and my ileostomy is only temporary! (I guess that's three good newses). The bad news is I'm still such a wimp that this morning I wanted cranberry juice with my breakfast, but I was too weak to open the new bottle. And the only other person around was grandma. So I just had to put it back in the fridge and have water instead. Sigh. Next time.

Conference Weekend

2011-04-11T19:48:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile since I posted pictures here. In fact I think the last picture was of Essiac tea. Gross. But good for you. Still, no one really wants to see that. So it was time to hit the pictures again.

A couple weekends ago we went up to Utah! I got to go snowboarding (sorry - no pics of that) and it was fantastic. I loved it. Snowboarding makes me happy. Also fantastic? Seeing so much family!

As you can see we're having a fabulous time.

It snowed a little. So Laney made a little snowman.

<-- Our gracious hosts for the first couple of days. We wore them out. And then moved on to our second set of gracious hosts. That's how we do.

Someone lives in sunny California. And someone else lives in snowy Utah. Can you tell which is which? heh heh heh

Look at that delicious baked brie she made!

The spread for the baby shower. Good thing my appetite came back this month! I'll have a little of everything. ....Or a lot of everything.

This kid is CUTE.

Speaking of delicious, this cake is the BEST. And it may look big, but in a house full of Polynesians it didn't last long. I think it might have survived for about an hour.

And speaking of CUTE, these two together are adorable. And hilarious. She likes to sit on laps. Even the lap of her younger relatives. But it's cool - he takes it all in stride.

Cousins!

While not pictured here, I also got to see some of my friends who live in Utah! That was also way fun. Who doesn't love to see some of their most favorite people? All told it was a winning weekend. Friends, family, food, games, baby shower, birthday singing accompanied by the ukelele, basketball, snowboarding and, oh yes, Conference. What more could you ask for?

And now...

2011-03-29T15:26:00.000-07:00

So. This was the week of finding-out-how-everything-is-going. That's a lame name for it but a better name escapes me at this moment. Anyway. I had a PET scan yesterday. Or I THOUGHT I had a PET scan (which is the one where they shoot you up with radioactive glucose and tell you to stay away from kids since you're radioactive for the day) but it turned out I had a PET scan AND a CT scan. This was disappointing because it meant I had to drink the barium again and that stuff is...awful. This time though I knew better than to try and get it down quickly. So I went with slow and steady and managed to avoid gagging or throwing it up. But it was still nasty. Ugh. And there's just so much of it! Sickening.

Anyway. PET/CT scan. Other than the drinking of the "contrast" it was fine. I mean, per usual they had quite a go of things trying to find a vein to pierce, but in the end it all worked out. They went in some side vein in my arm. Not a big deal but I hate when they preface the poking with "okay if we could go in at the usual spot it'd be fine, but here it's going to hurt." Awesome.

The highlight of the day, however, was getting a letter from my gastroenterologist (spelling questionable) with the results of my colonoscopy. Turned out all the biopsies they took (I think they only took three or so) were negative for cancer! Woo hoo! I mean, no one said the words "cancer free" yet, but clear biopsies HAD to be a good thing.

So today I had an appointment with my surgeon. I was looking forward to it because I figured then we could talk about what the next steps were, if we REALLY had to do surgery if the biopsies were clear, etc. Well. Turns out I still have to have surgery. I mean, the good news is I had a great response to chemo/radiation and it really shrunk the tumor down so there is a really really good chance now that I WON'T have to have a colostomy for the rest of my life. But the bad (kinda bad - but not death bad) news is there's still a pretty good chance the cancer is still there. Just smaller and hiding and stuff. The PET/CT scan showed that my lymph nodes still seem to show some "activity" and the wall of my rectum is still thick so odds are that I'm not in the clear yet. The surgeon also did some sort of scope kind of exam (always a good time) and while he couldn't see the tumor (which had previously been "impressive" in size) he could still feel a mass about the size of a golf ball. Boooo. But hey. I'll take a golf ball over whatever it was before which was bigger than a golf ball.

So surgery is scheduled for the end of April. I have approximately one month to live it up before my intestine will be attached to a bag on the side of my torso. If that doesn't make me popular I don't know what will. Can't wait for bathing suit season! ;)

Anyway that's all the news for now I think. I meet with my oncologist and my radiation oncologist next week so if anything changes I'll be sure to let you know. For now I'm going to enjoy feeling like my cancer is dying. Soon enough I'll cut it out completely!

Colonoscopy #1

2011-03-16T17:28:00.000-07:00

Since this will be a yearly thing for me now, I guess yesterday was the first in a long line of colonoscopies. Yay? As expected the prep part was less than pleasant. The clear liquid diet wasn't too bad but drinking the Suprep stuff was pretty nasty. I threw up the first half of the first dose and was concerned that I was never going to be able to hold down the second dose and then I'd have to tell the doctor and he'd be all mad and blah blah blah. But as it turned out, the second dose went down without coming back up (though it tried. But i won that fight.) and I was good to go.

Since I'd heard that the prep was the worst part, once I was done drinking the second dose I was feeling pretty good. Like it was going to be smooth sailing. Besides being hungry (a welcome feeling after a couple months of hating food) I had no qualms about the upcoming procedure. I mean, not the Most fun thing ever, but I'd be asleep through it so no big deal! I go to sleep, feel nothing, wake up and get to have real food! I can handle that. But, unfortunately my low blood prressure spooked the doctor and though he didn't admit it outright, I think it was the reason he didn't want to put me all the way out. And how did I decide this? Well my blood pressure was 88/53 and when the doctor saw it he said "geez, how am I supposed to give her any anesthesia?!" They gave me a sedative I think, but I was definitely awake the whole time and I didn't feel sleepy at all. And the worst part of being awake is feeling all the gas they pump into you to keep your colon open. It hurts! But I guess getting to see the colonoscopy was interesting. Kind of. I still would rather have slept through it. But I guess I could be proud of how spic and span my colon looked. And therein lies the good news: no polyps! No tumor! A little inflamed and irritated still, but more or less clean as a whistle. They took a biopsy of the inflamed area to see if there are still microscopic cancer cells there, but it looked waaaay better than the last time they took a look.

When I got to the recovery room the nurse was like "whoa, you're wide awake!" and I thought to myself (but didn't say) "yah, I didn't get to sleep through it." but on the upside I think it meant I got out of there pretty fast. All I had to do was change back into my clothes and I was free! And had yet another pair of hospital socks to add to my growing collection. Score!

And we hit in-n-out on the way home and all was right with the world. March is a good month. I've always thought so.

Free Month

2011-03-11T08:05:00.000-08:00

Sorry, it's been awhile. I blame it in part on feeling really down and out (enough so that my phone would ring right next to my arm and it still felt like too much effort to move my hand to pick it up and see who was calling), part on jury duty, and then part on partying hard now that I'm feeling better! It's the perfect storm of excuses. Eh?

The good news is I finished my radiation and chemo! Yay! Well, I mean finished until after surgery when it starts up again. But still. A month or so off is music to my little ears. I'm starting to feel much better already. Not quite to my most chipper self yet, but sooo much better than before. So I guess that means it's the perfect time to get a colonoscopy! Because that would just be silly to leave discomfort behind COMPLETELY. So Tuesday I'm going in. The doctors just want to make SURE sure that there aren't any other concerns in the rest of my colon. You know - polyps or whatnot hiding out. Anyway, Monday will be a fun filled day in which I do that whole clear liquid diet thing and then down some lovely tasting bowel prep stuff to clean me out. But I hear that by Tuesday night (after the procedure is over) I'll feel fit as a fiddle again.

The last couple weeks of radiation and chemo were rough. I felt so sick that I mostly laid there like a slug on a rug and only sat up when forced to eat or to go to a doctor's appointment. This made me concerned because I had jury duty my last week of radiation ("boost" week - where they up the radiation and focus in on the tumor) and I wasn't sure if I'd be very good at sitting there and judging someone. But it all worked out just fine. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, I had MORE energy during boost week than I'd had the week before. So I was able to sit in the courtroom and judge to my heart's content. And the end result? I voted to let a convicted felon go free. But when I say it like that it sounds bad. He really was not guilty. Of this crime. Anyway, it really was amazing that I did as well as I did during the very last week of radiation. I'm grateful!

And since I've been out of the way of those beams and off my chemical pills, life has gotten much more pleasant! I even exercised yesterday! Of course it was rather pathetic, but it felt good to be moving around again. I'm trying to ease myself in to getting ready to snowboard. :) If I can make it work I want to go at least once before I have to have surgery and I'm down and out again! But I'm finding it's hard to figure out when I can get to Utah (where the snow is much better) for longer than a couple days what with the appointments and scans and whatnot I have this month. Still. Where there's a will there's a way.

For now I'm enjoying my relative good health! And I hope you all are too. (Enjoying your own health...you don't have to be enjoying mine).

Radiation continues

2011-01-26T14:14:00.001-08:00

Well I'm a week and a half into radiation now and so far I can't complain too much. Last week I was feeling a lot sicker but this week the nausea is down and I feel like that counts for a lot. Even if the discomfort level rises (which it has - it's weird to feel like you have a sunburn on your insides), I'd rather take that and walking around all crouched over like I'm 80 than constantly feeling like I want to throw up. So I'll take it!

I got to ease up on my chemo pills a bit too. Now I take two twice a day instead of three twice a day. Maybe that's helping with the nausea level. I AM starting to develop "hand foot syndrome" which, from what I hear, basically means the palms of my hands and soles of my feet will turn red and get all grossly dry and possibly crack and it's painful. Even to the point where it might make walking difficult. Luckily right now I don't have a lot of pain in my hands or feet. They're just red mostly. But I can't wait for the day I'm too sick to walk and I make my friends give me piggy-back rides everywhere. I'm sure Bonnie is stronger than she looks. Plus I'm losing weight anyway so I'm doing my part to make it easier on her.

What else can I say about cancer? I got a vitamix! Or I should say all my friends who are AMAZING got me a Vitamix. I love it. I feel like I just need to find the Jamba Juice recipes online and I could totally make them in that thing. Last night I made a protein powder type of orange julius. It was actually pretty good. I'll be making soups and various dips in the near future. The Superbowl is coming up and that seems like the perfect time to break out the power of the Vitamix.

Really everyone has been SO GREAT about getting me things to help ease the discomfort and general suckiness of cancer. And I have put everything to good use! People are so good at knowing what things will help you. I'm constantly amazed. And can't tell you all how grateful I am. Thank you. Everybody.

Essiac Tea

2011-01-18T16:48:00.000-08:00

In addition to the fun that is chemo and radiation, Bonnie thought it would be good to add Essiac Tea. It looks like sludge and tastes like it too. And if I drink it three times a day it's supposed to help me be cancer free. And who am I to turn down cancer helping tea at a time like this?

But of course if I have to drink it so does Bonnie. I took a video of our first drinking experience but I'm blogger illiterate so I don't know how to make it work here. That's probably going to require an in-person consultation Britt. So be prepared.

In the meantime I can provide these little photos.

Since this first go I've had the "tea" a few more times. It doesn't ever get better. But hopefully I will!

As a side note today I started radiation. The actual getting radiated part was fine - slightly uncomfortable to be laying on your stomach with the hole in the platform for your insides to spill into - but overall fine. It seems like between that and the chemo my tumor has become angry today and feels more irritated but that might all be in my head. Either way tomorrow I get to do it all again!

Free Week

2011-01-13T06:41:00.000-08:00

This week I have the luxury of not taking my chemo pills AND not having to do radiation. While I am, in a roundabout way, looking forward to both since the sooner I get them over with the sooner I shrink this sucker, mostly right now I am enjoying my last week until March of freedom from chemicals and radiation beams! This is day two of not taking the chemo and I don't know if I feel that different yet. I suppose I feel less queasy though food still doesn't sound especially appetizing, and maybe a little less tired? I don't know. I expect I'll start definitely feeling better by Monday which will be my last day before chemo and radiation start up again. Blast.

My last couple of doctors' appointments were great - at one they took out most of the stitches from my surgery (didn't get them all but I think that's because some of them were still pretty gross and they didn't want to hurt me or open any wounds), and at the other I found out about the week off from chemo AND I found out that I MIGHT not have to also have the IV chemo (on top of the chemo pills and radiation) before my surgery! That was happy news. If the current chemo and the radiation will do all the shrinking necessary and we can avoid additional chemicals that sounds good to me!

Today I go in for my verification simulation where they make sure that they tattooed me right and I line up with all the lasers. Hopefully everything will go smoothly. I don't know what happens if it doesn't; maybe I get more tattoos? I think it's safe to venture that they're pretty good at what they do though so I bet they keep their tattooing of the same person to a minimum. Still you never know.

This weekend is the big powder puff football tournament. Unfortunately since my surgery incisions are still healing I won't be able to play. >:C I think Glendale probably pushed the tournament back to January (what happened to early December again?!) just to keep me out. It's a big conspiracy. Probably. I did go to my team's practice last night and I got to play a little; nothing too crazy. Basically all I did was snap the ball for the quarterback(s) but it was actually enough to make me tired. Guess I'm out of shape. Because that's sad. And yah, it also made me work up a sweat. But I blame that on the Polynesian in me. Not necessarily on the chemo in me. Luckily I don't think my team needs me to win or anything - I just WANT to play. Oh well, next time next time.

Also, at some point I'll put pictures up. But before that happens I'll need to TAKE some pictures. So first things first and, thanks to Britt, I should be able to eventually post something visually interesting. Wait for it....

Scanned

2011-01-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was finally able to get my PET/CT scan(s) to get me all set up for my radiation treatments. While I'm not really excited about getting radiated, I AM looking forward to destroying the tumor as soon as possible. So I was happy to finally get this thing scheduled!

Prep for the scans wasn't too bad. I just had to fast for 6hrs beforehand. Normally that would be an unwelcome directive (being told not to eat just makes me hungrier), but in my present state being told not to eat all morning is more like "eh, alright, glad to have an excuse for skipping meals." The downside is, despite my lack of appetite, I still feel worse when I don't eat - must be low blood sugar or something. So I knew I'd feel a bit worse than usual but at least we weren't doing any enema or magnesium citrate prep. I was happy.

So I had my first appointment with the radiology lab where they fashioned me a little padded table to lie down on and made it specific for my body so that every day when I come in they can just stick me on "my" table and line me up for the radiation. Since my tumor is positioned right around my butt I wondered how they were going to get to it. Turns out, I lie face down and they come at me from the sides and the back. This would all be fine and good but the little table I lie on has a part cut out for my stomach so that when I lie down all my insides can kind of fall forward into the hole and maybe avoid getting zapped a bit. Sounds like a good idea to me - the fewer healthy organs getting radiated the better - but it's not the most comfortable position in the world. So I don't think I'll ever be falling asleep during treatments or anything. Ah well.

After the radiology lab I was sent upstairs to my next appointment in the nuclear medicine department. Here they made me drink the disgusting contrast stuff which I was only able to partially do. I don't know what it is about that stuff but I really can't stomach it. I tried and about halfway through it I was pausing a lot because my gag reflex was becoming increasingly strong and I was SERIOUSLY concerned about puking up the whole lot of stuff (maybe it's that you're drinking it on an empty stomach?) so the tech lady (Amanda) told me "it's okay - if you're going to throw it up I'll have you stop drinking for now because throwing it up would defeat the whole purpose." Even now, thinking about it makes me shudder. That stuff is thick and horrid. I managed to get through half of it. Hopefully that was enough to highlight my digestive tract. And I now have a healthy fear of CT scans that require me to drink that stuff. I really don't know if I can do it again. Eek.

So then I sat in a chair to let the thick stuff I drank work its way through my system a bit and they also went ahead and injected me (through the IV they had put in during my earlier appointment) with radioactive glucose and asked if I had any small children. I said no, why? And they said "because you're going to be radioactive so we recommend you keep your distance from small children." I asked if I should not let my little dog lick me then and they just said "uhhhmmm, well we're really just concerned about small children." No love for the small dogs.

After the 45 minutes in the chair to think about the nasty stuff I had drunk they made me down one more cup, change into a lovely gown, and head into the second scanner. There I did the CT scan, then they did the CT with me on my specially put together pads with the belly hole, then they flipped me back over again and did the PET scan with me lying on my back (much more comfy). All in all the sitting and scanning took about two hours. Oh, and I almost forgot - I came out of it with my first tattoos. Yep, part of the radiation lining up they'll do every day involves them tattooing you so they know where to aim their beams. So I now have three tiny dot tattoos - one on each hip and one on my lower back. Like a tramp stamp. Only I think even lower than those. So it's a serious tramp stamp. Right now they're surrounded by pen markings in what looks like the cross-hairs of a scope so they're easy to find. But once the pen has washed off I don't know that anyone will be able to find the tattoos and exclaim "I didn't know you had a tattoo!" ....Unless, of course, I make them more elaborate. Or connect them all by tattooing a braided belt low on my hips. Oh the possibilities.

>:c

2010-12-29T09:16:00.000-08:00

Alright so it's been awhile since I blogged. But I'm still doing better at keeping this up than some of you out there (Erin, Lyndsey, Tia - I'm looking at you).

A lot has happened since I got called out at Wendy's (see last post). Most of you know this already but I figured I might as well do my own little catch-up of things so far (plus Brittney reminded me that a blog is an easy way to keep people updated on how I'm doing). So I have cancer. BOO. It's stage 3 colon cancer - most specifically, rectal cancer. Serious bummer. All of my doctors (there are ten of them - I collect them like one would shot glasses or keychains) are stymied as to why I would be lucky enough to have this. I'm not over 60, I don't have a family history of colon cancer, I don't have any of the genetic markers, I'm not a big drinker, I don't have HPV, I've never had colitis or Crohn's and I'm not excessively overweight (though I was maybe on my way there with my frequent Wendy's visits). Nevertheless the tumor is there (I've seen it. Thank you sigmoidoscopy.) and we are where we are.

Since my diagnosis I've been juggling doctors appointments, I've had a surgery to make sure I didn't have ovarian cancer (suspicious cyst showed up on the CT scan) and to move my ovaries out of the upcoming radiation beams, and I've started chemo. It's been fun!

A few things I've discovered in the past month or two, after a lifetime of relative good health in which I had never had stitches, never broken any bones that needed a cast and never spent the night in a hospital. First, turns out my voice changes after surgery. It's a temporary thing (i.e. I believe it's back to normal now), but for the few days I was in the hospital and newly home my voice was about an octave higher (good thing I have a low voice?) and really weak. Maybe it was all the CO2 they pumped into me during the surgery. Maybe it has a similar effect to swallowing helium. I don't know. But it was weird.

Second, ordering hospital food off the menu is kind of fun - like room service. And the food isn't too bad. But when you have no appetite it doesn't really matter WHAT they offer you, you're mostly going to just pick at it and think about how you used to love food.

Third, and this probably should've been first, preparing for surgery sucks. Well, I should be more specific: preparing for laproscopic surgery to remove ovarian cysts and relocate your ovaries and preparing for an endoscopic ultrasound of your rectum both suck. Why? Because they both require you to clean out your colon ahead of time. I think people who have had colonoscopies (sp?) know what I'm talking about.

Now both times I had to clean out I had the misfortune of having doctors' appointments scheduled about the time the cleaning should be done. So for the first surgery I was supposed to drink two bottles of magnesium citrate at 3pm the day before my surgery. That stuff was supposed to take effect approximately 1-3 hours after I drank it. But I had an appointment with my oncologist at 4pm. Right about the time I might need to be hightailing it to the bathroom. I was nervous about what might happen so, naturally, I bought myself the store brand version of Depends. And I waited until about 4pm before I drank the magnesium (so much for following doctor's orders EXACTLY). Not having worn a diaper in something like 28 years, it was an odd experience but surprisingly comfortable. Except for the part where the doctor had to examine and push on my stomach when I'm pretty sure he noticed that my "underwear" was rather...Pamper-ish. But he didn't say anything and neither did I. Anyway that night I didn't really need the diaper but I was glad to have it on hand just in case.

The second time I had to clean out my colon they had me take two enemas beforehand. And each enema says on the box "should be effective in 1-3 minutes" and that you should never hold the enema in for longer than 10 minutes. That made me nervous because my doctor's instructions specifically said to not expel the enema until at LEAST 15 minutes had passed. Fearing this was going to be a tough feat, I again prepared myself with a diaper. And then I put on a meditation tape (yes, cassette tape), did the enema thing, and tried not to count the minutes. I think the meditation tape helped but at 13 minutes I was in trouble. It was no longer a matter of mental toughness, this enema fluid stuff refused to be kept back. That time it was a really good thing I was wearing the diaper. And it was also a good thing the bathroom was six feet away from me. I was supposed to repeat the procedure with the second enema but I didn't even last 6 minutes that time. I dare anyone to try and keep an enema in for 15 minutes. If you can do it I will buy you a value meal at Wendy's.

Anyway I'm just glad that part is over. Now it's on to chemo and radiation! So far the chemo hasn't been too bad. I just hope that continues to last for the next month or so. Fingers crossed.

I feel this post has gotten too long. So I'm cutting it here. But next time I'll have to tell you all the perks of cancer. Namely how all your friends and family bind together to take care of you and give you everything they can think of to make you comfortable and how AWESOME that is.

Oh, and the >:c is the new colon cancer symbol! Created by Emily, it is the new angry/sad face of cancer (move over breast cancer). Plus it has the dual meaning of > = person with cancer is greater than, : = colon (clever), c = c for cancer. Ta-da!

Wendy's Deluxe Value Meals

2010-09-11T18:32:00.001-07:00

The other week I was driving home and thought I'd stop by Wendy's. That tends to happen more often than it should but on this particular occasion I had the distinct thought "hey it's been awhile."

As I pulled up to the drive-thru window to hand the worker my card and retrieve my delicious food she said "you come here a lot, don't you."

Yikes. Awk-ward. And just when I thought I was safe. Needless to say I haven't been back since. Except once. And yes, that same girl was working then as well. And yes, she gave me a knowing smile when she saw me again. And no, I won't be going there anymore. At least, not until I think enough time has passed to get to the point where she's either been promoted to assistant manager (or assistant to the manager) or has quit. Just something to get her out of the drive-thru window.

Car Show

2010-05-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

On the way home from helping with our hands in a park (I took no pictures of that event) painting and gardening, we decided to stop by the car show that was so fortuitously happening a few blocks away.

We didn't dress up as we ought, though we did decide to ditch our bright yellow shirts, but luckily the car show takes all types.

A purple car? Just the first of many. (Purple cars)

It's a nice car, but I'm still going to look around to see if I can upgrade to a better one.

Hello Don Antonio car! If only you had come full of free tacos.

She knew a car would call to her, and call it did. Baaaa

Also calling to her: 60+ year old men who want to take their pictures with her on their motorcycles. If you're wondering what she's got her feet in they are stirrups. There's a stethoscope on the back of the bike too. Yep, Bon definitely scored today. If things don't work out with the teaching gig nbd because this guy will take care of her forever. Or at least for 5-10 more years.

Sometimes Saturdays are even better than you expect.

Wedding Absentee

2010-05-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

The fans

The MPSF Player of the Year
Since you were busy last weekend we will excuse your absence this time.
....Oh and congratulations!

A Short Dance Clip

2010-05-05T23:25:00.000-07:00

Ta-da! The wedding dancing video. Or some of it anyway. And posted on the next day to boot. I. Am. GOOD. This will just give you a small taste of the wonders the wedding held.

The first song, apparently, is quite popular amongst school aged children and other people who line dance. I'd never heard it before but I was clearly in the minority. If only Amy had convinced Kim to get out there. I would've recorded the whole song and dedicated an entire post to dancing Kim. And it would've been titled "dancing Kim." But, as Nicki would always say "if wishes were fishes we'd all live in the sea." I never quite got that. We'd live in the sea because we'd want to be close to our wishes? ....What?

Anyway. The point is Kim, for someone who claims to want a blog nod you're certainly not trying very hard to earn it. But if you try out for SYTYCD I will forgive you.

The second song in the video is far less important than checking out the K&M moves. Well on their way to being the hit dancers at the stake dances in ten years.

M&B

2010-05-04T23:52:00.001-07:00

Yep it's official. They got married. In Vegas. And it was wonderful. Even though I didn't have time to ride any rollercoasters, see Cher (or Donny and Marie for that matter), eat at the Buffet o' Buffets (to which you can get an all day pass), watch the big fight, shoot any semi-automatic weapons you can only shoot in Vegas or in the army, try my hand at poker or even stick one quarter in the slots, I'd still say this was one of the best trips to Vegas ever.

The bride was gorgeous, the groom was handsome, the wedding was beautiful and the reception was awesome. Even the elements cooperated for the evening and resulted in one heck of a party without anyone's perfectly coiffed hair getting blown all over the place by the wind. That may not seem like a big deal, but trust me, at the time it was. But wind or not, I was sold as soon as I saw the bottles of root beer. Woo hoo - lets get this party started!

I'd post more pictures of the reception but I don't want to make everyone jealous like I did with C&B's reception photos. There wasn't much horseshoe playing this time but there was some line dancing type stuff going on. In fact I think I may just have to post some dancing videos here later (when I'm not about to fall asleep...I should stop blogging at times when I really should be asleep; I tend to start making empty promises that I'll feel guilty about for the entire two month period in between when I said "more to come!" and when I next posted about something completely unrelated to the "more to come" post).

In addition to the reception fun, at night in our hotel rooms we also enjoyed our own version of blackjack with Rook cards and peanut butter m&ms as the currency of choice. I started out okay but when Bryn kept getting 21 every time the rest of us soon found ourselves m&m-less. Leah might have given Bryn a run for her money if she could've remembered to stop eating her cash.

Just a sidenote on the trip, I spent a decent amount of time driving around and, no offense Vegas, but your drivers are not good. What's with going 60mph on the freeway and then coming to a dead stop for no discernible reason in a matter of a few hundred yards? One instance of that I can forgive. But multiple? C'mon. ...On the brightside I didn't get into any accidents so all's well that ends well?

I've gotten totally off track from the original purpose of this post which was to say M&B got married and it was fantastic and I'm really happy for both of them!

Congrats kids. And all the best to both of you.

....also, I can stay at your place when I'm driving home from work and don't want to go all the way back to my place, right? ....Right?

30

2010-03-31T00:28:00.000-07:00

I decided to leave my 20s behind with a bang. The 20s were pretty good. Probably peaked around 24, but hey, all around not too shabby. In any case it seemed only appropriate to GBOGH (pronunciation debatable). So we did. "We" because it was mostly a team effort with my role on the team being to show up and party. Done and done. The party weekend was awesome (better descriptions for great/fun/hilarious/fantastic always escape me). I ate a lot of my favorite foods, watched a fire & knife dancer try to shake hands with someone while his hand was aflame*, rode a mechanical bull (and got a little motion sick - stupid vestibular system...but it was still worth it!), got two tickets to that thing I love, played games with the fam, watched my March Madness brackets destroy everyone else's, and generally enjoyed myself immensely.

And to think, it started with a web of lies thanks to all my siblings who said they were too busy to fly in to see me. Examples:

Lie #1: "[sad] you chose to have your birthday bash on the weekend B is heading up a YM campout and I am speaking in ward conference....all committed to long long before..."

Lie #2: "I have to run this babysitting night thing for my calling. Sat night the moms in the ward bring their kids..."

Lie #3: [in response to my question about whether money or prior commitments was keeping my sib away] "It really is more a matter of finals/projects. Between this and next week I'm not even sure when I'll be able to sleep!"

Turns out while I believed them all (although I did think things like "didn't you give a talk a month ago? Are you the only one up there accepting speaking assignments?!" and "babysitting on the weekends?! They really DO take advantage of the newlyweds don't they!"....the projects excuse I believed pretty easily. I basically handed that one out to him. Planning a wedding gives you an out?) I should have known better because they all showed up, surprised me (REALLY surprised me) and redeemed themselves from their lying ways.

It was a fantastic surprise and a great start to my birthday weekend. In fact, by the time the weekend had ended I kind of forgot that I hadn't ACTUALLY turned 30 yet. It seemed like any other celebrating would be superfluous. But don't worry - I continued to party on for the rest of the week anyway. In fact the celebrating continued on until just about...now. Because right now it's settling in that vacation is over and tomorrow it's back to work. boooooo

Sometime when my camera is right next to me and I'm on my computer and can reach over and plug the camera in to download pictures from the party and from my trip (i.e. when the stars align) I'll dedicate more time to blogging about the birthday greatness. But for now I'm too old to still be awake on a weeknight. So I'm going to bed.

And so begins the 30s.

*I saw a guy do that in the PCC luau show when I was probably 6 or so and thought it was AMAZING and vowed then that if a fire & knife guy ever tried to shake MY hand like that I would do it because if it wasn't burning him it HAD to be okay, right? Plus he wouldn't offer it if it wasn't safe, right? ...I don't remember exactly when I finally realized that was flawed reasoning but it was definitely a lot later in life than it should've been.

Body Clocks & Birthdays

2010-03-31T00:09:00.000-07:00

Having recently (as in...less than two hours ago) returned from a cross country trip, I would expect my body clock to be all out of whack. It should be a little after 3am to me now. But eh, no, it feels like a little after midnight. That doesn't make any sense. Also what doesn't make sense: my body wakes me up by 7:30a at the latest on the west coast, but first morning of being on the east coast? Up at 7:28a. What the? Shouldn't that be 4:28a to me? ...It CAN'T be that I'm young and spry and my body adjusts to this sort of time travel as if it's nothing because (a) I just had a birthday that objectively kicked me out of the "young and spry" club. And (b) I can't go on roller coasters any more because I'll get sick and throw up due to a failing vestibular system. And if that doesn't scream "you're old and your body knows it" I don't know what does.

But speaking of birthdays. Yesterday (as in March 30 even though it still counts as "today" to me because I haven't gone to sleep yet) was my dad's birthday. So Happy Birthday! You don't look a day over 45. No seriously, you don't. Remember how people thought you were my older brother? That's gotta feel good, right? And then there was that time just a couple years ago when one of my friends was looking at the family Christmas (Valentines Day) card and exclaimed "oh he's dreamy!" and we thought she meant Micah but she meant you. Kelly was there she can back me up on that.

Anyway I know your vestibular system is still functioning just fine so maybe in celebration we should take you on a roller coaster! Eh? Well think about it. I'll hold your popcorn and wait for you at the exit.

Happy Birthday Dad!

The Par-tay

2010-01-22T23:33:00.000-08:00

Remember when C&B got married a few months ago? And then there was a big party in a walnut grove by a pumpkin patch? And I kept saying I would put up pictures of it? But I haven't yet? And even the wedding photographer had all her pictures up and ready to go and stuff at least a month ago (way before me)? Well. Good news and bad news. Good news: pictures are here! Bad news: there are probably more here than you ever wanted to see. Again, sorry that they're in single-file style. Someday I'll learn how to format things better.

When I say the reception was in a walnut grove I mean it was IN a walnut grove.

Okay some of these photos were not at the reception location, but clearly we were already celebrating in our hearts.

The wedding party. Looking very...wedding appropriate yet casual enough to engage in a little bocci ball later.

Getting tips for their own upcoming nuptials.

If you provide candy, they will come.

It's hard to tell who's winning in this intense game of bocci, but I'm definitely liking Kim's technique.

Bouquet by Kalea

C&B leaving the par-tay to wild applause

D tries to burn the grove down, has second thoughts, makes a feeble attempt to put out the fire and then walks away. But I should just let you watch it.

Roommates

2010-01-21T17:08:00.001-08:00

I realized the other day that I've had 29 different roommates over the last ten(ish) years. Yes. I actually sat down and listed them out. For curiosity's sake. And I only forgot the last names of three of them. And yes, for those three I turned to facebook in an effort to, I don't know, search their first names and see if a last name that rang a bell popped out. But there are a lot of girls named Kristy.* Search unsuccessful.

Anyway 29 roommates. And of those 29, I only knew/was friends with/was related to eight of them prior to living with them. That means I lived with 21 people without knowing a thing about them before sharing a refrigerator and a bathroom with them. What can I say, I'm a risk taker. And I count myself pretty darn lucky that I haven't been traumatized by any of them. There were no psychos, no one who constantly cooked smelly food, none who stole money from me (I don't think?), and none who tried to kill me in my sleep.

Some were more fun than others of course, and there was that girl who didn't like that I breathed. Not, like, mouth-breathed or snored or something. Just breathed at all. I only lived with her for a month but I'm pretty sure it was the hardest month of her young life. At least that's how she always acted around me. Luckily she eventually married a sailor and I think she's fine now. I don't know, shockingly we don't keep in touch. ...Maybe I should try to find her on facebook.

I also had a roommate who would hide her food in random places. She was one of those who managed to stay skinny no matter what she ate so she'd bake a cake or a batch of cookies, eat half of the cake (or the cookies) for dinner and then hide the other half in her secret spots around the apartment. My other roommate discovered these secret hiding places and would, naturally, help herself to the goodies. We had a strict "finders keepers" policy. And no, she didn't share her spoils with me. I only found out later that she'd been stealing the hidden food. So. Greedy.

Anyway overall I've been really lucky with roommates. A lot of them have become really good friends. We've gone on road trips together, they've taken me surfing in Hawaii, they've accompanied me on my dates to ward talent shows (awkward but kind of hilarious in retrospect), we've spent entire winters snowboarding, they've tried to straighten my hair, they've written and sung songs to me for my birthday, and they've entertained me by losing all sorts of bets and having to perform various tasks (like wearing just a bathing suit around the apartment complex and asking random guys if they wanted to go hot tubbing). What. I was just trying to teach them the ills of gambling. Mission accomplished I believe.

In a couple weeks I will have a brand new roommate. Except my new roomie is someone I've lived with before so, although I look forward to living with her again (despite the fact that when we were in 5th grade we agreed after a week of fighting brought on by her vicious libel and slander - yes, both - she would write ridiculous accounts of our evenings in her class journal and then read them aloud during the sharing portion of class. ...I think most of the stories involved me speaking like one of Tiger Lily's tribe), she's not technically my 30th roommate. No, lucky 30 is still up for grabs.

This is the part where I should make some hopeful wish that it'll be a boy (i.e. husband - not someone with whom I'm just living in sin) but that feels weird. Maybe because I'm too old to make a sarcastic remark like that and have the family members who read my blog not think "aw, sad. She's trying to hide her pain. Lets set her up with someone we know. What about that guy you met on the subway? The one who looked kind of homeless? What was his name? Dusty buns?" (just kidding Ben, you can set me up with someone who has a nickname that reminds me of dust bunnies anytime). So in lieu of being sarcastic, my comment about hoping to have my 30th roommate be more like an eternal companion would have to be serious (or semi-serious). And that seems...odd. For a blog. For this blog. So lets just avoid speculation as to who lucky roommate 30 will be and I'll just check back in when that person moves in. In the meantime, welcome back roommate 29. Thanks for saving me from breaking my good-luck-with-roommates streak with an unknown 30th. I owe you.

*I'm not even entirely sure her name was Kristy. But I think it was. It was something like that. I remember she twirled batons to that Disneyland Electric Parade song. (does that count for anything?) She was really good actually.

Christmas Break 2009

2010-01-02T10:31:00.000-08:00

Before I continue on with the C&B reception photos (coming soon 2010), may I take a moment to lay out my new years resolutions. Ha, just kidding. Although it seems appropriate to have a post about the new year or goals or reflections on how last year went I'm not in a goal setting mood. It's too early in the year for that. Plus in talking with Malinda's mom apparently it's a better idea to start your new life in line with the new moon. And the new moon isn't until sometime mid-month. So wahoo! No sense in starting a goal now when it would clearly be doomed to failure.

Christmas break has been grand. And by "break" I mean "day." One of the drawbacks to employment (usually outweighed by receiving a regular paycheck so it's not like this is a big problem) is that you're expected to work during weekdays. Including Christmas Eve, Hanukah, Kwanza (sp?), New Year's Eve, etc. So, while the traffic is significantly lighter during the weeks of the holiday season and therefore the drive to work is much more endurable, also you're thinking "I would trade in this light traffic to work to be like everyone else and not have to drive in at all during the holiday season."

Anyway since Christmas fell on a Friday this year it DID feel kind of like a miniature vacation to have a three day weekend. Extended into a four day weekend when I decided to throw caution to the wind and take the next Monday off as well. Let the good times roll.

So we did the usual Christmas vacation things: we watched several movies in the theater, had a volleyball tournament, played Rummikub, fixed puzzles, reenacted the nativity story (actually I slept through that - but I know it happened because I saw the video and yes, I'm sleeping on the couch in the video and yes, I enjoyed watching the baby Jesus repeatedly try to get Mary to smell his feet), watched football, went to the batting cages and consumed large amounts of food. I guess not all of those things were "usual." The volleyball tournament was the first of it's kind. We often play volleyball but not usually with such intensity and determination to win. ...Or at least not usually on such a nice court. We had only one injury (and it wasn't Grandpa) and we ended the tournament with pizza so I think it has to be categorized as a success. At least for those of us who remained uninjured and full of pizza. Also we discovered that Chris is a pretty great volleyball player. While we already had heard of his successful "feats of strength" career, there was no way to know for sure if such skills would translate over to volleyball. Well they do. That guy can jump. And with a few last minute instructions from Bryn ("go up to the net when the ball is on their side, when it comes back over back up and get ready to hit") he was all set. Now he just has to work on his Rummikub skills. muah-ha-ha-ha-ha.

What else? We tried spooner boarding down the iceplant stuff in the backyard. It doesn't work as well on those plants as it's supposed to on sand, snow or grass but it was still fun. Plus mom did it (sitting down of course - lets not get crazy) and broke the distance record set 5 minutes earlier by Kayla so clearly it was all worth it.

There were other things that happened too. But I don't remember them right now. I DID get lots of presents from Santa and that was exciting. So was my stocking - chock full of nuts (which I could crack myself - you appreciate it more when you work for it), a tiny game of Sorry and, of course, an orange. Score.

The Wedding

2009-12-18T09:36:00.000-08:00

I know it's almost Christmas and they've been married for months now (close to two) but I feel like I can't just skip over the wedding with one picture and an empty promise for more. So consider this the promise fulfilled! In as much as I promised more pictures were to come. Not necessarily that I promised more words about the pictures or the story of the wedding was going to come.

And I apologize in advance for the formatting of the pictures. I don't spend enough time on this blog to know how to put pictures next to each other, make them look pretty, etc. They're basically just slapped in here. I wish I knew how to do that stuff but...I don't wish it badly enough to learn before posting. Oh well. This way there is the opportunity to savor each photo individually.

The "we did it!" photo. Don't they look cute.

Mother and son. Birth son. 1/4 Tongan, 1/4 Samoan birth son.

Mom probably won't like this picture but I think they both look sensational.

Being the almost-only boy (there is one other) has it's perks. Like having all your sisters and cousins force you into being held up in a picture. But when you've grown up outnumbered 5 to 1 (oddly also the ratio of all girls to boys on this side of the family at large) you become adept at going with the flow for these things.

Sneaking in a little Tetris playing while waiting for the bride and groom to appear. Looks like she's winning.

The next one is going to be Albino.

If I could've moved this picture further up in picture-order here I would've. Actually maybe this is more accurate anyway. Pretty sure all those previous pics were taken as we waited for these two to make their way outside. So yay! Here they finally come!

Married!

The sisters.

It feels kind of weird for the last picture to be the sisters picture but the thought of trying to fix the formatting/picture order is too daunting for me to undertake at this time. So I think I'll just let that be and not worry too much about it.

Needless to say the wedding was great. Everything was great. And then it was off to the party part!

Another One Bites The Dust

2009-11-20T16:57:00.000-08:00

Congratulations! Vegas wedding anyone?

C&B

2009-10-30T23:47:00.000-07:00

They got married! It was great. There's more to come. Should I ever get my act together and give this blog its due attention. Or just any attention at all.

Disneyland can sell out.

2009-08-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you knew that. But it can. It does. And some of us have learned that the hard way. As in, we drove all the way there, got off the freeway and were following all the happy signs toward Disneyland gleefully thinking of which Disney characters we would take our pictures with first when one of the big electronic billboards (like the kind that tell you how many minutes you still have to travel to get to the next major freeway or that announce amber alerts so you can check out the cars surrounding you and hopefully nab a criminal) said "DISNEYLAND SOLD OUT." And added some lame thing about how there were still tickets to California Adventure available. Please. I don't need your pity tickets to California Adventure.

And in case you think you're above the rules and can still manage to squeeze yourself into Disneyland, let me assure you, you are not and you cannot. They block off the parking lots. And they have guards at the entrance to Disneyland to turn you away and, I don't know, arrest you I guess if you get rowdy.

Just sayin'. The happiest place on Earth is kind of exclusive. Keep that in mind and get there early. Because otherwise you end up turning around and going home to do laundry. Productive sure, but kind of a let down.

Costa Rica wrap up...for now.

2009-08-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since Costa Rica (maybe only two weeks in "real" time but in "I've-been-at-work" time that makes it feel like at least another lifetime) that I feel a little late in speaking more on the subject. So I'll probably pass on recaps of each amazingly fun activity (though I reserve the right to change my mind and/or refer to Costa Rica often in stories years from now the way missionaries refer to their time on "the mission.") and will summarize a few highlights and move on. I'm a little sad to not give the very first family reunion its due justice, but on the other hand....it's too late. There's a window for due justice and I believe it has passed already. sigh.

The recap/highlights/lowlights:

1. On the way there we had a 4hr (3hr?) layover in Florida (yes, going to FL affords us the chance to take an air-tour of sorts and see a bit of America before leaving it). It was a redeye flight so by the time we got to FL the airport was basically empty. And we were tired. So we stretched out on a few seats in the terminal (much better than the time Bryn and I had to spend the night in the TX airport) and went to sleep. Then they turned up the A/C to recreate the sensation of being on the polar ice caps. We started layering. I grabbed random clothes out of my suitcase (hooray for carrying on) but they weren't a ton of help since I packed for COSTA RICA and not Antartica. My mom bought blankets for the littlest ones. It was a rough start.

2. Somehow we managed to fall asleep anyway in that airport. And awaken to a now jam-packed airport full of people staring at us bundled up and hogging all the seats. I glanced over to see if my cousin was awake and saw her sitting up still half-asleep listening to an obviously hilarious story being told by a big Latino guy in Spanish. She looked so attentive to the story (even with that "I-just-woke-up" look) that if I didn't know any better I would've thought she spoke Spanish.

3. One night a lightning storm took out the power to our town. Since we couldn't see much in our

pad we hopped into our bus (which was awesome) and Felix (our driver) headed into town to a restaurant we were assured would be open despite not having any electricity. We only got to the top of the little private road we lived down before we were stopped by a tree that had cracked in two and blocked the road. So out we got and tramped on down the dark road till we got to the restaurant. Reading menus by candlelight is really fun for older folks. But that's why they had kids. To help them out in these situations. We met some Tongans there who knew people we knew so, of course, we invited them to join us at our place for dinner the next night.

4. Flash forward to almost dinner time the next night:

Rel A: Those people aren't really coming to dinner are they?

Rel B: I hope not.

Rel A: How did we end up inviting them again?

Rel C: Yah that was weird.

It was widely determined that we hoped they wouldn't show up but we ought to send someone to meet them at the designated place just in case (they were related to our friends, we couldn't have them run back a bad report). They didn't show up. We ate all of Pato's (our chef) grilled steak, chicken and mahi mahi by ourselves. More for us!

5. One morning the howler monkeys were being so loud (thankfully we were already awake) that it sounded like they were RIGHT outside our wall (I'd say "window" but the whole wall was glass). I yanked back the curtains and oh. They ARE right outside our wall. Fighting over a tree branch. Silly monkeys.

6. My mom ate a termite. It was small (thankfully) and she said it tasted like green beans. I think I'll just stick with actual green beans.

7. At the waterfall we rode our horses to our guides set up a rope to help you climb up in case you wanted to jump off the falls like a crazy person. After the youngest in our group took the lead others had to follow (but not me, I'm above peer pressure. ;)). The guides were at different points heading up the falls (you climbed right up the water pounding down on you) to help you. One of my cousins headed up, lost her footing but was still clinging to the rope and the guide's hand, couldn't let go and scrape her whole body down the rocks but probably could've used a free hand to pull up her bathing suit bottom which had fallen down to upper thigh area. Probably the hardest I laughed the whole trip. And all's well that ends well - she made it up and jumped off like a champ. Bathing suit on.

8. On our first day in Costa Rica we stopped off in a poor little area (not even a town really) and ate at a woman's house. May sound weird but it was actually awesome. She lived right on the beach so we had fresh fish they had caught that morning and the best bean dip and fried plantains I've ever had. And I don't even like beans. Anyway after we ate we explored the beach a bit. Cousins found shells. I found a vertebrae. It was large and intact (not, like, whale large, but probably slightly smaller than human size). That concluded my beach exploration that day.

9. On the way home we took this little airplane from Quepos to San Jose. Our guide Eric's wife Gabby was going to meet us at the little airport to take us to the international airport. Sounded like a good plan. We got there with basically no problems (except being weighed before the flight to make sure the plane could handle all of us. This is when I discovered I gained 10lbs on vacation) and when we arrived in San Jose there was Gabby and Marianna (her little daughter). They loaded us into a van and off we went. For 2 minutes. When Gabby pulled into the terminal right next to the one we had just left I thought "it must be that she has to help us get through customs or something." Nope. She just came down to San Jose to give us a 2 minute ride from building 1 to building 2 next door. Guess we REALLY seemed like helpless Americans. Ah well. I like to not use my feet whenever possible.

10. I've already made this really long. So I'll spare any thoughts on walking through the conservatory of butterflies, getting stung by some enigmatic but painful little creature while snorkeling, creating our own movie theater in house #1, and playing Signs late at night. But know that they all happened.

Summer Vacay

2009-08-09T15:53:00.000-07:00

I don't miss a whole lot about school. But I do miss summer vacations. And holidays. Basically I miss the parts of school where you weren't expected to go to school. Ah, that was the life. And now that I'm a worker bee sure it's nice to have money and never worry about finals or papers to write, but when summer rolls around it's hard to not be jealous of everyone else's three months of freedom. Of course when fall inevitably rears its head I'M the one laughing, but until then usually I am bummed that everyone is playing and I'm not. However this summer was pretty great. Despite the fact that I worked through most of it there were several points where I was NOT working and then I just let the good times roll.

One of the good times this year: Costa Rica. The first annual (or...first possibly-annual-at-least-every-two-years) family reunion. Yep. We go big when it comes to family reunions. Costa Rica was a grand ol' time (how could it not be?) full of white water rafting, swimming in pools, kayaking, snorkeling, relaxing at the beach, horseback riding to waterfalls, deep sea fishing (not MY idea of fun, but that's why I didn't go, and apparently for the menfolk in the group it was a highlight), ziplining through the trees, playing games at night, eating tons of delicious food, and watching a late night movie or two. Pretty great.

We went horseback riding first. I expected it to be along the lines of all other times I'd been horseback riding: you plod along single file behind a guide in terrain that's nice but mostly unremarkable. And maybe you'll cross a little trickle of a stream and that will be the high point of the trip. But no. Costa Rican horses know no such restraint. And the trails are not so blase. First of all we started out going down this steep hill. Not so steep you thought you might fall forward off your horse, but steep enough that several of the horses chose to weave back and forth along the trail in a slalom skiing sort of way.

Chill out hopalong, I know the trail.

Then on the parts where the trail leveled out a little or went uphill the horses seemed to be engaged in a bit of friendly competition; anytime they would hear another horse coming up on them from behind they would start to trot to keep ahead. I'm sure if you know how to ride a horse properly the trotting is not a big deal. But when you're not a cowboy (or cowgirl) excessive trotting can be kind of painful but more just embarrassing. Because clearly you have no idea what you're doing as you bounce up and down like an idiot. And also you decided to wear a backpack that is bouncing up and down on your back while you're bouncing up and down on the poor horse's back. And this is why I think my horse decided to move on from the trotting and go ahead and just gallop. Trotting was painful for her. Galloping...not really less painful but at least we get to our destination quicker. So my horse chose to run most of the way. Even though she was breathing like she might die of a lack of oxygen at any moment. Still. She ran. She REALLY wanted me off her back. I, of course, decided to put all my horseback riding skill to the test (aren't you supposed to keep your knees in or something? Try to move with the cadence - like standup in the stirrups at some point?) to at least try not look like the last time I'd ridden a horse was in 1991. I was unsuccessful in this endeavor. And I was sore for the next two days. So maybe my "knowledge" of horseback riding was something I made up in my head.

The slowpokes. Some horse chose to walk parts of the trail. But not me and Chimoka. ....And, on the left, the annoying little girl who kept kicking her horse the entire time. When that didn't seem to yield results she started slapping it on the butt. If I spoke French I would've told her off. Or not. But I would've told her off in my head in French.

But. I DID have fun. And my horse took me to a nice little outdoor restaurant stop for breakfast along the way, then to a waterfall where I swam while she probably tried to take a nap before the long ride back, and then back to the outdoor restaurant for lunch, and then home! So she and I are friends. Probably not pen pal kind of friends, but if I ever get back to Costa Rica and need a ride to a waterfall, I know Chimoka is the gal for me.

Lunch at the outdoorsy cafe. Yum!

And as a final note, may I say that at least MY horse wasn't biting and kicking other horses like SOME people's horses. You know who you are. My horse likes to win fair and square in an old fashioned footrace. Even if it IS up the side of a mountain.

A Good Day

2009-06-27T22:53:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday
AND
Congratulations!

I'd say it's been a good day. And nice job C, working Lincoln in there...

Art After Dark (months later)

2009-05-07T23:05:00.000-07:00

I promised my sister that as a pre-birth gift I would finally tend to my blog. Since she will be having her child tomorrow I'm cutting it pretty close. She's probably already asleep at this point. But....it's the thought that counts, right? This one's for you sis. ...And happy birthday to my newest nephew!

Awhile ago I attended our ward date night. It's a lovely monthly event intended to assure us all that (a) dating is not scary and (b) you don't have to set a temple date after one date. Unless you want to. I can't speak for anyone else but it sure has worked for me. I no longer have nightmares about dates.

So the theme was Art After Dark. My date and I started in the portrait room where we learned how to turn an egg shape into a face and then, in theory, turn that face into something that resembles our date. Below are the results.

This is me. Fairly accurate I would say. Obviously my head is larger at the top to accommodate my very big brain. Also yes, I am that pale. Who even knew they made white charcoal pen/crayon things? Well they did. They do. Thank goodness.

This is my date. Or is it Jesus? You be the judge. He said I made him look angry. That was unintentional. I was going for pensive. But my art skills are lacking, I'll just admit that right now.

We then headed to the painting room. We missed the instructions for this portion of the evening so we kind of winged it. And speaking of winged, here is a piece I like to call pear guitar. I didn't mean to draw a pear, but when my creative juices get flowing apparently food is what manifests itself. Also apparently I don't know what a guitar looks like. Anyway the guitar (pear) is sitting in a pool of mini marshmallows but also it has feathery wings and may take off at any moment. And there's a centaur. As you can tell by his expression and shrugged shoulders he doesn't know what he's doing in the picture either. But boy it sure is windy with those guitar (pear) wings flapping.

This is my date's picture of me snowboarding in a pool of whipped cream. Pretty straightforward. My snowboarding skills are slightly exaggerated but otherwise this is more or less true to life. I really do have those wings.

This is a little "in my spare moment on the date" picture my date drew of me. Well. It started out as me but quickly became a picture of Robert Plant. Not too shabby.

So if anyone is looking for a date activity may I suggest a little art. I think you might enjoy it. And obviously you don't actually have to be good at art (see above).

Oh, I thought you'd died.

2009-02-12T23:00:00.000-08:00

That is what my mom said to my dad after he got her number and then didn't call her for four months. But I feel it is probably applicable in this blogging-absence situation. It's been too long. I've been meaning to update my blog since about a week after my last post (I give myself a week to feel self-satisfied about the fact that I posted at all) and what can I say, life's just been busy. I've been in demand. Things have been happening.

Well that may be an exaggeration. Mostly I just work. And drive (see previous post). But still, it's always nice to see that a blog you check has been updated. And I feel that. I mean, I for one know that I'm always disappointed to see someone hasn't updated their blog in who knows how long. Like, lets say, since approximately June 8, 2008. Or maybe October 29, 2008. You have to wonder, "what happened to that person? Are they okay?" and if they are okay then you're a little bugged that they don't think more about you and how you would like to spend your free time at work checking in on them.

Anyway. In an effort to not be one of THOSE people (too late?) I am here to update my blog! Post something new! Just say anything! ....Plus I noticed today that I've received an idle threat about losing readership. So it's time to get back to it. And why not stage my comeback with a few highlights in the month (or two) since I last posted? So in a nutshell, since my last blog post I've done the following (in no particular order):

1. I threw an orange into the sea. And I meant it.

2. I friended my mom on facebook. Finally I can see what she's REALLY up to.

3. I started playing soccer once a week. I've discovered I'm not that good at soccer. I'm also not good at avoiding getting kicked in the legs. But I'm sure my bruises go really well with my church outfits.

4. I went to Magic Mountain and threw up after riding Goliath. Actually this may have happened before the last time I posted. Either way it was unfortunate for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that I love Goliath (the ride, not that man) and I hated to have it end that way (bent over a trash can). And I now curse the day they invented Dejavu.

5. I sang "That's Amore" loudly along with a full restaurant of people. It was lovely.

6. I did not watch the Super Bowl. But I know what happened. Man.

7. I got an unexpected day off from work, courtesy of the FBI. Used it to Christmas shop. Anyone who got a gift can thank the FBI. Anyone who did not get a gift...take it up with the FBI. They only gave me the one day.

8. I started watching The Biggest Loser and actually have to put in a decent effort to not cry when they send people home.

9. I finally obtained a personal shopper. After all these years. She bought me new clothes for work and apparently it was needed because when my boss walked by my office he stopped and did a double take and said "did you dress up today?? You look nice!" as if I don't wear business casual stuff to work 3 out of the 5 days. Hmph.

10. I've driven 5,330 miles to and from work since my last post. Which means it's time yet again to have my car serviced. Sigh. My poor little car.

Hopefully I'll be a little more blog vigilant in 2009. I hate to make promises (goes against my lawyerly fibers) but I'll see what I can do.

On The Road Again

2008-12-12T19:29:00.000-08:00

Ugh, I'm tired of commuting. This week I was sitting in my car on the 405 minding my own business hoping that traffic would start moving when BAM! A motorcylist stupidly tried to pass a bus in the carpool lane and knocked into my car breaking off part of my sideview mirror. Of course the guy didn't stop. Just kept right on going 70mph as I watched. And of course I didn't give chase. My lane was going zero mph and, as much as I love my vehicle, it's selling point is not that it can go from 0 to 60 in 60 seconds. So that would've been an exercise in futility. Plus as a general rule I feel it is a bad idea to illegally swerve into a carpool lane. Those double yellow lines demand respect. And I was by myself in the car. So...double jeopardy. I would've been fine.

On the upside this week in the car I was so bored with the usual radio stations that I flipped to a country station and decided to listen for a bit. It was fantastic. It's like a bunch of 2min stories about everything from growing up country to losing your girl to punishing your cheating boyfriend or abusive husband. I found it highly entertaining. But sometimes I felt like the songs strayed from their storytelling ways and tried to wax philosophical. And that's where they go terribly wrong (in my opinion). Take the following line for example: "tryin' to make someone care for you the way I do is like tryin' to catch the rain."

The implication to me is that both tryin' to get this girl to love you and tryin' to catch rain are impossible activities. (And sad ones). But....isn't catching the rain possible? I feel like it's not even that hard to catch rain. I mean...weren't rain barrels created for that express purpose? To catch the rain? Can't I walk outside with a bucket while it's raining and trap myself some of that water? I don't know. Maybe I just don't speak country fluently.

Which brings me to the deepest line of that song which - incidentally - is also part of the title of the song: "and if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losin' game." ....What? What does that even mean?

I feel like one guy came up with that line and then his friend/bandmate was like "ooh, that's good. Yes." and the drummer chimed in "wow. Profound. Seriously, that is amazing." And then later the guy tried the line out on his girlfriend and she told him it gave her chills and even showed him her arm to prove it. But...so....love is a losing game? And you're winning because....you'll always be in love? Lame. I still say it doesn't make sense. It's totally an emperor's clothing situation. People have just accepted your non-sensical ramblings because you have a catchy tune and a nice warble. But I see through you! There are no clothes at all! You can't fool me! (and this is where I break into a semi-maniacal laugh in my car).

But...like I said. I'm a country novice. Maybe in a few weeks I'll be amening those kinds of deep observations with the best of them. And also I'll be wearing a cowboy hat. ....I spend a lot of time in my car.

Obamaland

2008-11-16T18:24:00.001-08:00

I hate to disappoint those who may be under the impression that I'm about to write about Obama. Admittedly the title is deceptive that way. But I just recently returned from Chicago and, as of late, Chicago is the land of Obama and Obamaness. So it just seemed like it would be okay to use Chicago's synonym in this instance. ...Chicago is also the land of Oprahness but that's old news.

This wasn't my first trip to Chicago. My first trip was when I was nine or so and we were out there for the summer for my dad's work. I remember thinking it was fun but I suppose I really only took away three things from Chicago:
1. The McDonalds served pizza
2. There was always someone dressed as a giant bag of popcorn handing out free little bags of popcorn at the park
3. A memorization of all Raffi songs since that was all we ever listened to in the car due to the fact that we carpooled most places with a family that had a 4 year old kid. I hated that stupid tape.

So on this, my second trip to Chicago, I wasn't sure what to expect. I mean, maybe the McDonalds with pizza would still be around, but I had no real hope of getting free popcorn in the park and I figured no cabbies would be playing Raffi in their vehicles. So what else would Chicago offer me? Turns out, plenty.

1. I randomly played softball with a city league team that was short a player. Yes I was wearing jeans, my slip-on Vans (read: no traction) and five layers of shirts, sweatshirts and jackets (that is not an exaggeration). No I wasn't any good. Yes the game ended early when they had to enact the mercy rule.

2. I rode the train and felt smug about it. It's odd what makes me feel like an adult.

3. The air around my hotel smelled like chocolate. It was fabulous. Everyone should get to live near a chocolate factory. Especially me.

4. I ate real Chicago deep dish pizza from Giordano's. Thank you Master Wentworth, you were right, it was amazing.

5. I got to see one of my favoritest friends and catch up and eat cookies and see her home and family and watch her adorable daughter walk around all night with only one red cowboy boot on.

6. I dominated at Nertz. But....that's not unique to my being in Chicago. heh heh heh

Alright enough with the list. Really Chicago was awesome. I think it may be my new favorite big city. It was so clean and pretty. Though, at the time, freezing. Still, I forgive Chicago its harsh weather given that it is November and I am somewhat spoiled by the warm weather in the particular area I live.

Anyway. Even though I didn't see Obama or Oprah I still loved my Chicago trip. And I fully intend to go back again sometime when I don't have to spend my days in the underground of a hotel sitting in seminars and classes and whatnot.

So! Linz be prepared for me to take you up on that guest room offer, and I fully expect we'll have time to find that gourmet popcorn next time (I have good memories of Chicago and popcorn). And to my softball teammate, have the pizza and cards ready. Maybe we should go back to Pepper where you and your partner actually have a chance. And yes. That is a challenge.

Sigh.

2008-10-25T21:41:00.000-07:00

I cannot wait for November 4th to come and go. How about everyone just vote yes on Prop 8 and we call it a day?

Good Morning Baltimore!

2008-10-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

I got into Baltimore very very early this morning. So early that I think most people would consider it "last night" but whatever. It was morning. The plane ride was fine - despite the fact that I'm pretty sure the seat I was in was as old as aviation itself (it kind of rocked like it wasn't completely bolted to the plane and was so threadbare that I'm fairly certain I was just sitting on a wooden plank with a piece of old blue cloth on top) and I got a whiff of the man next to me every time he moved and the smell was unpleasant. Overall though...not a terrible trip.

Riding the shuttle from the airport to my hotel was interesting. My coworkers had warned me that I was in a high-crime area of Baltimore (why not, what better place to hold a legal conference, right?) but I didn't see any crime last night. Sure I was only in the van for less than 10 minutes once we got into the city and we had to stop seven, yes seven, different times to let cops or firemen or ambulances pass with their sirens wailing, but still. I didn't personally witness any crimes.

Admittedly it would be hard to see any crimes from my middle seat in the van squished between an older woman whose eyebrows moved up and down with every word she spoke and a twitchy guy who seemed annoyed that anyone else even got in the shuttle he was in, but I still thought "high crime area? Hm. I'll probably see something." But no. Saw nothing. Except a couple different random make-out sessions of middle aged folks on the street. What the-?

Oh shuttle rides. How I love thee. Let me count the reasons.
1. The driver who I'm convinced was taught that when you drive you have to push the pedal all the way to the floor. All the time. Whichever pedal you're pushing.
2. I was the last one in the van (well...for a time) and when I got to the door and looked in the two back rows were full and there was just the front row with one guy sitting closest to the exit with his bag protectively saving the last open seat next to him. I stood there for a minute debating whether I should ask the second row of women to scoot over thinking "there has to be room for all of us on here, right?" and asking the guy if there was a reason he hadn't moved all the way in on the seat to make room for any other passengers (hello inconsiderate) when finally I opened my mouth to say "hey man, is someone sitting there?" (while pointing past him) and he looked at me and said "oh, do you want to sit here?" Um yes. I do. What tipped you off? My confused standing here like "how are there no more seats?"
3. Right before we left a shuttle worker came up and asked if the driver could take one more. He said sure. I thought "oh, I guess that person will sit in the front passenger seat." Turns out that one more was two more people. A bigger guy who sat in the passenger seat and an older woman who sat next to me (on the shortest bench mind you) which forced the guy who didn't want to share the bench in the first place to remove his computer bag barrier and get used to the fact that our legs may end up touching.
4. Once the older lady was in she looked at me and then put on her rain jacket and pulled the hood down over her head holding it tight like she was afraid I might touch her and infest her with something. I was tempted to put my arm around her shoulder but in the end decided to pretend I didn't notice what she was doing.
5. Once we let the guy next to me off the shuttle I was climbing back in when the older woman asked me if I didn't mind if her husband sat next to her. Hm. It's not a totally out there request really but it was kind of odd. I mean, why are we playing musical chairs more than we have to? This is ridiculous. You really don't want to sit by me that much, eh?
6. Switching seats with husband meant I was in the front passenger seat. With our crazy driver the term "death seat" never seemed so apt. ...I think it was while I was in this seat that I saw the public canoodlers.

What a morning! I expect it will only get better from here. Can't wait.

Saturday is a special day

2008-08-16T09:56:00.000-07:00

It's the day we get ready for Sunday.

Saturday is cleaning day. I had no appreciation for cleaning day as a child as it seemed strikingly similar to school days only with more physical labor and less recess, but now, as an adult (of sorts) I can appreciate cleaning day. I can appreciate why my mother would feel embarrassed if people came over and the house wasn't clean. That doesn't mean I like cleaning day any more than I ever did. I don't really. Cleaning is pretty low on the list of things I want to do on my day off from work. But having a clean apartment is pretty high on the list of things I want. It's hard to reconcile those two.

So I spent this morning brainstorming on how to get a clean apartment without doing any of the cleaning myself. I drew a couple diagrams and mapped out pros and cons of different options, but in the end it became clear to me that the most cost efficient thing to do was for me to just clean my place up myself. Naturally, having reached that conclusion, I threw the diagrams on the ground and decided I would attend to them later.

Now I'm at stage two of cleaning day (stage one having been the dedicated brainstorming session for alternative cleaning methods). Stage two is mental preparation. Now that I know how the day is going to go I have to get in the zone to do it. So far my mental preparation has involved shuffling some papers on my desk to make room for my computer, checking me email, deleting old texts, and deciding what background noise I want as I clean. Movie? Or music? Toughie.

Stage three is the actual cleaning. I'm not quite there yet. I'm still in the midst of stage two. Which, now that I think about it, is just avoidance. And kind of acceptance. ....Wait....What are the stages of grief again? I feel like this is all sounding kind of familiar.....
Whatever, I'm too lazy to look it up. But I know the avoidance is serious when I consider going on a run first.

Sigh. Time to clean.

Blog worthy

2008-08-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

I feel like something has to happen for me to blog about it. But nothing's been happening. At least, nothing that seems blog-worthy. And then I realized that I give this blog too much credit. Nothing actually has to happen. People just want something new to read.

I think my newfound desire to actually have something to blog about stems from the fact that I recently told people I had a blog. And by "people" I mean my family. And a couple choice friends. But now I feel like when they read my blog it will be because they'll want to know what I'm up to (because personal emails and phone calls can't convey that info? I don't know why I think THIS is the forum to give everyone the 411. Maybe it's because I read the blogs of married friends and young mothers who can use this as a convenient way to tell everyone about the kiddos). Anyway lately I've been up to nothing. But instead of hiding this nothingness behind the guise of I'm-too-busy-to-blog-and-that's-why-there's-no-new-entries-here, I'm just going to lay it all out there. I'm just going to proudly proclaim: I've been doing nothing! Except, of course, the following:

I eat cookies. Often whilst sitting on the love sac.

I watch people playing video games.

Annnnnnd that pretty much wraps up all the pictures I have for 2008. Alright I admit it. I just wanted to be able to put pictures in this entry. But apparently I only have two pictures of my life here on Christmas Island. Odd.

Thankfully in the time I've been sitting here I have thought of two items worth mentioning.

Item #1. I've been meaning to cut my hair for, oh three or four months now. It has gotten really, really long. The kind of long where people look at your hair and say "wow! It's so....long!" But not in the "aw, it's pretty!" way. In the "that's sick" way. Unfortunately my hair stylist and I just haven't managed to get together to take care of the situation. I know she only styles part-time (or less....I'm fairly certain I'm her only client) so it's hard to find a moment when she's available and holding a pair of scissors and when I'm available and my hair is fresh and clean. It's complicated trying to coordinate so many events.

Anyway just yesterday I showered and was on my way to work at around 6am when my stylist (and roommate) woke from her slumber and asked "want me to cut your hair now?" In retrospect the fact that her eyes were only half-open should have been a warning sign to me. But since I'd been trying to cut these unruly locks for so long it just seemed like I should jump on the opportunity to get things taken care of. Who knew when she would next be available? I'd already waited so long! So I said "sure, yeah, that'd be great." She found scissors, I found a chair and sat down to be groomed. She asked how short and I said "I don't know, just take off the raggedy ends." I could feel the snip snip closer to my ears than I thought we had discussed (the "discussion" being almost exactly as included here - I said take off the ends, she said nothing and started cutting) but I didn't panic. I'd been to this stylist before. I trusted her. So despite the fact that my head suddenly felt much lighter than I had anticipated, I figured I should just wait and see how things played out. Anyway five minutes later we were done and my hair was a good six inches shorter than it originally was. It's fine, but poor Locks of Love is going to have to wait awhile before receiving any donations from me. And in the future I'll wait until my stylist has been awake for at least 15 minutes before having her give me another trim.

Item #2. Someone has a birthday coming up. A quarter century birthday. Time to do something fun. Memorable fun. I'm open to suggestions, but I'm dubious about anyone being able to come up with an activity to top last year's festivities and celebration (see the picture of the raucous party below). I mean seriously. Does it get better than this?

Vacay!

2008-08-01T21:53:00.001-07:00

Dear readers. Excuse me, "reader." I am sure you have felt my absence keenly. But do not fret. I am back and am happy to report that at least 1/4 of my MIA status was due to my being on vacation up in beautiful Big Bear. Nothing like that fresh mountain air to clear one's head. And now everyone gets to experience my vacation vicariously because I am about to tell you ALL about it.

The trip is probably best told through pictures. They being worth a thousand words and all that. But of course I didn't bring a camera. Nor did my trusty roommate. So I did what any savvy internet user would do. I swiped a few choice pics off of friends' facebook albums. Thanks facebook.

Okay actually this picture is not worth that many words because it is deceptive. You can't tell, but we are perched on top of these precariously placed rocks atop a huge mountain. Or at least a hill. Anyway I was scared for my life as I sat there. And here it is on film looking like we're just hanging out on the ground by some trees. We almost look bored. How can I show off how adventurous I am when people climb higher than me and then take pictures looking down?

This kind of looks like we're playing on unfinished miniature train tracks. But really what's happening here is an intense game of horseshoes. The week was filled with horseshoe tournaments, complete with trash talk and a modified style of scoring (leaners were worth the most points as they were a rare accomplishment. Psh, ringers were easy). No one was injured in the competitions though a few times people did have to dodge flying iron. Turns out those horseshoes are kinda heavy and hard to control. Also, not that it matters, but I should mention that my team was pretty much unbeatable. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha. We're ready to take on the real cowpokes now.

Here we are on our very own pontoon boat doing what any good crew would do: nothing. Well. Most of us did nothing. As you can see from the picture at least our driver was alert at the helm. Also the fact that I called him a "driver" betrays the fact that I know nothing about boating. ....Driver because he drives the boat? Eh?.... Even as they were renting us the boat I thought "Really? You're just going to let us take it and we're in charge? You're not sending one of your worker people with us?" But then I remember that the important thing in our rental situation was that I would never be in charge of the boat.

Anyway, the lake was great, we had swimming competitions, fed ducks, played cards and ate lots of sandwiches. And, of course, after lunch we chased down a pirate ship. But the pirate ship pretty much ignored us. Pirates are mean.

We also attended the Annual Miners Days Log Jammer Jubilee. We were very excited at the prospect of throwing axes and rolling on logs. But turns out it's not exactly like that. Yes, you could be a participant if you wanted, but it would cost you a pretty penny (although you did get to keep a chic orange "contestant" t-shirt) and you would be competing against real mountain men with long white beards and pony tails who came out of their isolation solely to compete in the tomahawk throw. So, what I'm saying is: a) you wouldn't stand a chance of winning anything or even looking respectable and b) when you put the mountain men in charge of running the events (as was the case) things move really slowly. Which means you probably will only get to see axe throwing before you decide maybe you should've gone to the Bluegrass Bluejeans festival instead. Although we didn't get to see all the competition we'd hoped to, we did get a feel for what it would be like to live in a place where everyone knows who you are and gives you nicknames like "peanut" and when you want to go to the annual log jammer jubilee and sell trinkets you made out of bark you just pack up and put the trailer in drive.

And what would a trip to the mountains be without a turn down the Alpine Slides? As you can see, some of us were not happy about being put in the beginners line, but safety first. If you've never been before then it's for your own good. Others, of course, lied about their expertise and got to go in the fast line. Don't let the yellow of the sleds decieve you. Those things were harbingers of death. Luckily none of us were booed by the crowd (that does happen if you go too slowly down the fast slide) and no one flipped over (which, according to the worker guy, is a daily occurrence). So win-win!

Ah Big Bear. Of course pictures can't portray everything. For example, the theater we watched The Dark knight in was, hands down, the worst smelling theater I have ever been in. Oh funny small towns. No but seriously that place was gross. It was like being in a nasty stale locker room that a tired-after-practice football team had just vacated. Sadly, I did get used to the smell. After the first hour.

We also failed to capture on film (and by "we" I mean the people from whom I "borrowed" the included pictures) the under-water breath-holding competitions in the kiddie pool. Yes we are aware that the little kids use that pool as a conveniently close restroom. But that only adds to the accomplishment of winning this particular feat of strength. In the end it was decided that since no one could even come close to the time posted by our 2nd Lt. friend, that it was only fair that we do a relay type race against him. Four of us would hold our breath one by one and he would hold his breath the whole time. And yes, he almost won.

All in all Big Bear was good to us. Nice suites, good company, good food, and of course friendly games of Pepper and Loaded Questions. Who could ask for more?

Sicky (cough, cough)

2008-07-09T16:02:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up and thought two things (two things I'll share here - but just be aware that I had more thoughts than this in general this morning). Thing number one: I don't feel so hot. Thing number two: do I feel not-hot enough to stay home?

In the end I decided, yes, I felt ill enough that I would call in sick and spend the day mostly in bed, ocassionally on the couch, and once in awhile trekking outside to release a wayward spider or accompany my roommate on her errand(s). And while I don't really feel like I'm cheating the system or anything (this being my first sick day...this year) perhaps, maybe, I do feel like I'm cheating the system. Because as I sit here slightly nauseated* I wonder if I'm only supposed to call in sick when I'm on my death bed. Or super contagious. I might be contagious right now. But....probably not? I don't know. Anyway it turns out taking the day off to "get well" is a mentally trying time for me. This morning I felt pretty bad. And last night I kept waking myself up with annoying coughing so I didn't sleep so well. But now, 5 more hours of sleep later, I feel decent. Not like I want to go sit at my desk at work and pound out a few attorney letters or field various licensure issues, but I don't usually want to do that even when I feel 100%. (That is no reflection on my stellar job - only on my desire ultimately to live a life of leisure and get paid for it). So really. How sick do you have to be to take a sick day? I fear you have to be sicker than I am. Which thing I am realizing as the day wears on and I am feeling increasingly better. Whatever. I'm sorry work.

Really calling in to work and passing on the word "I'm not coming" is the best part. And by "best" I mean "worst." Because you feel like you have to sound sick otherwise the person on the other end of the call is going to make a note of your absence but really tell everyone in the office "sounded fine to me. I bet she's just going sailing. It's supposed to be lovely out. Too bad she's a liar, huh?" and the people would nod their heads in agreement and someone would say "I always knew she was. Lawyer....liar....they're all the same." And then everyone would mumble agreeance and decide to go to Coco's for lunch. That's how those things happen. Decisions to eat at Coco's I mean.

Anyway when I called in this morning I avoided any attempt to sound sick or miserable. There's nothing wrong with my voice. I don't have a head cold (despite the coughing last night - not sure what that was all about). My voice is largely unaffected by my aching head and nausea. And while I'm sure the receptionist I talked to wanted to hear more evidence of my misery, I was unwilling to try to convince her with a quavering voice or weak little whisper of "I'm not coming. (sniff)....Don't worry about me.....I'll be fine....just....(pause to catch breath)....tell everyone.....I'm sorry about everything.....and.....I love them."

But was that a mistake? Should I have sounded really ill? Because now I'm paranoid that I won't have enough evidence of lingering sickness tomorrow for people to believe me. But seriously. I was sick. Sick of work! heh heh, just kidding, not sick of work. I love work! Work is the BEST.

Anyway now I'm totally just rambling. But if I have to suffer an entire day (day OFF at that!) of second guessing my health with "am I really that sick? Could I have gone into work today?" then so do you. That's the beauty of blogs. We're all in this together. ....And by "all" I mean me and the two people I know are aware of the existence of this blog. Thanks guys. Your kindness has healed me.

*Traditional critics have insisted that nauseous is properly used only to mean "causing nausea" and that it is incorrect to use it to mean "affected with nausea," as in Roller coasters make me nauseous. In this example, nauseated is preferred by 72 percent of the Usage Panel of the American Heritage Dictionary.

The Dog Ate My Memo(s)

2008-06-21T15:35:00.000-07:00

One of the best things, to me, about being out of school is having no homework. As soon as I leave the office it's like a mini vacation. I run out of the front doors flinging papers as I go and laughing maniacally at my new found freedom. Guitar Hero here I come. Just kidding guitar hero is so last summer. Now it's all about Rock Band. Which, maybe by next summer when THAT'S old news I'll own it too. Anyway whatever. When I get home the night is mine. And I love it. I mean, that's a good three hours to do what I want with. And "what I want" usually consists of considering and then rejecting the idea of cleaning, making healthy food to eat, and/or exercising all whilst I sit in the love sac watching Top Chef or SYTYCD. My nights are grand. And the weekends are even better because now I have time for some sort of made for TV Lifetime movie or a chance to catch up on an entire season of America's Next Top Model. I just think it's a good idea to keep my finger on the pulse of the modeling world. In case I ever want to get into it. I like to have a back-up plan in case the whole law thing doesn't work out.

But I digress. Which, actually, is kind of the point of why I'm sitting here. Procrastinating. Because this weekend - the first since finally graduating from school over a year ago- I have had to take my work home with me. Yes. I have homework. Boo. And, true to form, I am seizing upon any and all opportunities to put off my work and prolong the fun. Hey it worked for 20 or so years, I don't see why I should change now. And by "worked" I mean I graduated so lay off. Of course, all the "fun" of the weekend is slightly tainted by the looming memos I have to write but, hey. If I can get one more nap in before Monday rolls around I'm going to do it. Plus lets be honest. It is over 100 degrees outside. Which is a clear sign that it's too hot to do any work and everyone ought to just meet up at the beach. My place is a ten minute walk away, lets go. ....But someone is going to have to carry me because it's too hot to walk.

Happy Birthday Gumball

2008-06-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

I went to Magic Mountain last weekend. To celebrate my friend's 28th year of life. Because where else do you want to go when you turn 28? Disneyland? Well....Maybe. But Disneyland doesn't have that thrill that Magic Mountain does of possibly getting into a gang fight. Nor does Disneyland have a ride that shoots flames past you in 90 degree weather. So, yah. .....I think I make my point.

It was a good day and there were definite highlights: the birthday boy standing in front of one of those mist-making things cooling off his face, and realizing a little too late that there was also a mist nozzle aimed right at his pants creating a distinct "I had an accident" look; the various poses of high-fives for our rollercoaster pictures; and, of course, the delicious fast food which only tastes that good when you pay $20 for it. I mean....right? You will savor each one of those nacho chips.

But possibly the best (or at least most memorable) moment of the day didn't happen at the park itself. It happened at the birthday dinner. At IHOP. Ah, IHOP. Nothing tops off a day at Magic Mountain like a trip to the International House of Pancakes. You sit down after walking around all day in the sun and are presented with pancake options from around the world! It is amazing.

Dinner (or breakfast?) was good, and we enjoyed our meal there, but it turns out we are evil and inconsiderate group patrons and we didn't even know it. Well, now we know it. We should've realized that IHOP does not hire mind-readers. Because at the end of the night when it came to splitting the check we, as IHOP novices I guess, were under the impression that we could take the check to the cashier (I mean c'mon, you take your check to a cashier) and each just tell him we wanted to pay for whatever it was that we ordered. Split it right there. Badda bing badda boom. But it's not like that. Or so our old comrade informed us when we attempted said splitting technique and he asked us with that look of "I hate you and the fact that you are in my IHOP" if we asked our waitress for separate checks and if we were then aware that our waitress wasn't a mind-reader. Which, to be honest, with his thick accent I was just impressed he knew the english words "mind-reader." We said no, we didn't ask for separate checks, apologized and then watched as he went through the arduous 3 minute process of dividing our totals in his little computer.

At the end of it all - right at the moment we're all looking for the toothpick dispenser and heading out the door - one of our number says "thanks for doing that" to the unhappy Sergey, and he responded: "I hope you learned your lesson." And he meant it. But it didn't end there (although it kind of did because we stopped listening). He continued to lecture us (yes, actually lecture like you would an errant child) that when you have a group come into a restaurant (ah-ha! So he hasn't mastered english quite yet. Or else he's using the term "restaurant" very loosely) after 4pm you can't expect the restaurant to just know that you will be paying separately, you have to let them know, blah blah blah. He was still talking as we walked out the door. Which was probably rude on our part to walk out on him but c'mon. We get it. You made it abundantly clear to us that you thought we were idiots already. And we apologized and thanked you for your trouble. You're still going to continue angrily lecturing us? ....yah.....we're gonna go. And by the way you need to refill your toothpick dispenser because it is empty. And that's just bad customer service.

I took away two things from our IHOP experience. Number one: before 4pm the waitresses at IHOP are mind readers. And number two: the strawberry banana pancakes there are delicious.
So really....win win. What a great day!

It Begins

2008-06-04T14:08:00.000-07:00

In accordance with the agreement entered into, I will begin blogging after you Kelly.